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<- MISSING FOLLOWER ALERT
Description: Looks like an egg with no tweets. If found pls DM me right away unfollowed 2 days ago
Can ribbed condoms be rib flavored?
Asking for a friend
So Batman has no problems jumping off roof tops yet uses a safety gate on his elevator……..
I don’t get it
Tweeting with proper grammar and spelling is very impotent.
My skin tight yoga pants are getting me all the looks from the ladies.
You should always spoon before you fork
Beat it like it owes you money
No one in this house has mastered the art of replacing the toilet paper roll
The proper response to good morning is not “hey”…..
<- confuses emo’s with emu’s
Ice Cube can do it if you put your ass into it
If you haven’t RT’d my shit…… what the hell is wrong with you???
My auto correct is accepting hell now instead of correcting it to he’ll
Auto correct: 0
It would be awesome to be made of metal. I would sooooo stick novelty magnets all over myself.
“Find my iphone” app cause we’re lazy stalkers
Who will be follower 300?! Winner gets nothing but bragging rights
Soulja boy dances on his toes while he super soaks dem hoes because thats real love
A convo with a science teacher
Me: What’s the actual name for a dick slit?
Teacher: I dunno? Penile Sphincter?
*our kids are doomed*
Nothing is more awkward than when my 3 yo announces in the waiting room of the dentist that “Daddy has no money”
Geez …. I wonder why…
“I’m so busy! I gotta check my email and look for gravy!”
Janitor problems probably