#GrandTheftAutoTaughtMe if you shoot a cop but hide for a good 5 minutes... everyone will just forget all about it.

WAIT, WHAT! WHY IS R.I.P BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY TRENDING?! No way man. I loved Bill Nye. He was the only good part of science class.

#GirlsLikeItWhenYou grab them by their waist.

#YouCantBeInARelationshipWithMe if you don't have a sense of humor. I joke around too much.

Shoutout to the girls who have real eyelashes. You're a dying breed.

"Swag", "I ain't even mad doe", "Ratchet", "Thirsty", "YOLO." If you don't say any of this shit you're 10x's more attractive to me.

#WaysToIrritateMe Make sure you sing really loud while my favorite song comes on the radio. I love your shitty voice ruining my song.

A,B, She wanna C the D.

I never got why people call their ex's "ugly" or "slutty" or a "loser". You went out w/ an ugly slutty loser? That says a lot about you lol.

#IfPornWasReal Everyone's mom would be DTF

Justin Bieber's birthday is tomorrow.. Twitter just might break in half.

That Zayn Malik must have a lot of wives because I see a ton of girls who claim to be married to him.

#StopKony I bought an Action Kit. Change the world. http://t.co/NDzlUTW8

When the only running you do is on Temple Run. #TheresAProblem

Did you ever notice that the symbol "&" looks like a guy dragging his ass across the floor

Who saw JayZ scream "You're welcome!" ? He def rigged this whole show. #illuminati

Stop smoking girls. Nipples complete the titty! “@uberfacts: Smoking can cause your nipples to fall off.”

There's always at least one thing trending about Justin Bieber. His fans are so loyal. That's awesome.

@tacobell I got diarrhea but it was worth it.

Well I know where I DON'T wanna go on vacation... “@uberfacts: Blowjobs are illegal in Malaysia & punishable w/ imprisonment of 20 yrs max.”