The fact that I'll eventually have to put on pants really brings me down.

Damn, mah booty straight out da ghetto.

You know you're having a craptastic day when you start reading the @thenoteboook's tweets, while sobbing quietly in your underwear.

I hate Lady Bugs because they think they can get all up in your shit just cos they're pretty. Like no. RESPECT MY PERSONAL SPACE, BITCH

Listening to hardstyle makes me want to watch German midget porn.

Listening to hardstyle makes me want to set things on fire.

Listening to hardstyle makes me want to get hit by an 18-wheeler.

Listening to hard style makes me want to have weird fetish sex.

Listening to hardstyle makes me want to punch a baby.

I had to take a drug test today. When the tester told me to pull down my pants, I said, "Hold on-- you're not my priest." He didn't laugh.

I came on Aunt Jemima's face. Talk about a sticky situation.

Never Say Never? You just said "never" twice in a sentence. Your whole life is a lie, Justin Bieber. Your whole life is a lie.

Is it bigger than mine? Important question. RT @melindamichael What would you do if you were hooking up with a girl and she had a dick?

#TeamEmotionallyUnstable

RT @jesus thanks. RT @genesisbelieves Happy birthday jesus:)<3

I'm an emotional hoarder.

Oh, so when Bella can't decide what to do and dates two people at once, she gets a movie, but when I do it, I just get called an asshole.

My costume for tonight is going to be a guy with really low standards.

http://t.co/KvU2a0EL

You're all I need. RT @weeatquotes I just want you. That's it. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want you