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Help! Accidentally just drank a Gatorade 3 before drinking 1 or 2. Please call poison control.
So, with that new tablet I can design a cake AND listen to "Moves Like Jagger"? Finally, technology catches up to my weekends.
Just spent like 30 mins learning about how ducks rape, and now I'm thinking of starting an anti-duck rape culture blog called Jezabill.
If being a comedian is tweeting a shitty pun about a person the second I learn they're dead, then I'm not sure I want to be a comedian.
I bet an ex-girlfriend of mine is about to get REAL into Whitney Houston.
Billy beane email me JoeyDevineComedy@gmail.com
Gotham city has a lot of mentally ill people that are really good at planning stuff
Remember when Outkast made that weird jazz movie, and then immediately broke up? Yeah, jazz sucks, guys.
Guys I would really appreciate it if you called me Flynn from now on.
If Twitter existed in the 80s all the tweets would be about wanting to rock.
10 years ago we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash & Steve Jobs. Today we have this terrible joke for republicans & it's legal to murder black kids.
How is Derek Fisher going to use his family as an excuse to play for The Heat next week?
ICP IS SUING THE FBI GUYS! THIS IS OUR PUSSY RIOT TRIAL!