#skipfollowme so I can know who you are and care about why this is trending.

"Taylor swift is exactly like when you put way too much sugar in your coffee and you just want to spit it out because its so undrinkable."

I can't get over how great The Used were on their first two albums.

@normmacdonald is a sports prophet.

Props to @tomgetsfd for showing freebie-wanting punks how it goes down.

Watching Two and a Half Men is a similar experience to reheating McDonalds fries by microwave.

"College girls" are quite possibly the worst people on Earth.

@bostonglobe That is terrible advice.

The things happening in Steubenville are disgusting and must be stopped.  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/17/sports/high-school-football-rape-case-unfolds-online-and-divides-steubenville-ohio.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 …

I'm so glad that @mr_mike_jones is returning to the world in Dec. Still Tippin' was part of my childhood! Hard to believe yet true #raplives

There are some people you like, some you can't stand and others you wouldn't mind making bacon out of.

If I see one more instance of a girl dressed as a cop for Halloween, I will call the actual, unsexified cops.

I call dibs on the slutty Mitt Romney costume this year!

I'd like to thank each and every person who was never there for me. You helped me find those who were.

How do you listen to Lil' Wayne past your 16th birthday?

So...If I like a girl, should I ask her on a date to go krumping? Like, is that okay to do?

Watching @erinscafe battle against @everyword is one of the secret perks of having a twitter account.

@notallin HAHAHAHAH SO FUNNY deactivate your account now. You are a crime against comedy.

We learned two things today: 1) Man can survive freefalls from space. 2) Red Bull is the new NASA

Hey @dominos, #bringbackthenoid.