Half of twitter is composed of people who have something to say and say it brilliantly the other half have nothing to say and keep saying it

Two wrongs don't make a right but they did make you.
Hi son!

I am the Kanye West of sex.
Yes, Imma let her finish, but first I'll tell her how much better the other one was.

I live by the rule of the Pokemon: Gotta Catch 'Em All.
That's why I tie the women to my bed and never let them go.
I have forty so far.

Who, me?
Just making my differences larger than my similarities.

Roses are red, violets are blue...You're adopted.

There's no "I" in abuse.
Just "us".

I have a thing about thought theft, or tweet stealers for that matter.
Come up with you own witticism, it's not that hard.

Is it just me, or is it my paranoia?
I think it's you, no wait, me; no wait you, us GODDAMMIT!

Tits! ʘʘ

I like my Tweets like I like my boxers. Tasteless and vulgar.

[Insert interesting Tweet here.]

Actually, your Twitterscope tweets are better than your real ones.
So technically, I like you better when you're asleep.

The only form of income you'll be getting is when I come in you.

This fucking neighbor needs to fucking go fucking sleep. Fucking jackass. Goodnight.

The first rule of Fight Club is..OW! WHO FUCKING THREW THAT? Okay, the second rule of Fight Club is... YOU DID IT AGAIN, DIDN'T YOU?

I just high-fived and five didn't five back, or hi.

If Twitter joins the Tumblr vs. 4Chan war this could turn into the biggest Social Network War II.

Block and REPORT this fucking shitface pedophile @fcklilgirls and his sick fucking followers to @twitter. Why hasn't anything been done yet?

A side-ways smiley in real life is frowned upon.