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  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

    • 1,898
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1freerogue87chinty88GamersRespawnnocturnallymethegayfarmerguynotstateHueyHere
    • 1,255
    • RETWEETS
    GamersRespawnnotstatechunkyponyfauxhitoHMac90tudorgrrrlStuartCRyanZombieHam
    MascaraBanditjazmasta____PaperWashSwishergirl24ShaunRightNowTrigg3rHippiemaebemarblescyclingfiend74
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I've never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.

    • 1,130
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1freerogue87chinty88Genny_jelloZombie_KitGamersRespawnnocturnallymetayloraterice
    • 675
    • RETWEETS
    freerogue87Zombie_KitScoobdooblesGamersRespawnskullpuppy11adiehl11jaybelle777eliassen_mel
    MrsJekyllsHydeElaineBBfanHeatherLuvsYou
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

    • 878
    • FAVS
    chinty88GamersRespawntofferDefUSKaasteppinCARA__bousaucydaleknocturnallyme
    • 791
    • RETWEETS
    chinty88aasteppinsugarboyflysaucydaleknocturnallymedavid_tullElliottOwennatedog2049
    LazerPunchblitheringidiom__MzSweetcheeks_jeanievilleTheDailySchmuck
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.

    • 797
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1freerogue87chinty88GamersRespawnnocturnallymenotstateVodkaTiemchunkypony
    • 470
    • RETWEETS
    TheBMD1freerogue87chinty88chunkyponyfractaljackalSchemerScreamerAndrea__B__Tinaleigh777
    brittarnettYour_Boy_Dylan
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    It must be tough to get people to read your emails if you really are a Nigerian prince.

    • 703
    • FAVS
    PaperWashTheBMD1chunkyponyGowittynatedog2049DadLiesWilljGeorgeLifestyleBitch
    • 334
    • RETWEETS
    Genevieve0404abigailmdavis86hippynikiMkjkfitzgeraldjunejuly12jimhamrickfrnksrcmargoforehead
    JamesCoolieDanKCharnleyBlack__Elvismiss_ogyny________
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Don't think of it as a cubicle. Think of it as a starter coffin.

    • 563
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1freerogue87VerbsRProudestStPauliticianYouUndoMeecahZamoraICUmedsurgRNProChoiceRoyce
    • 366
    • RETWEETS
    ecahZamoraICUmedsurgRNtinabeena93ThePlasticPopesallyRa04787682NadinHachemLexeeRaeannakhatriravikisho
    Greeblehausseanx3iMikosnycBlack__Elvislynyrdsbackyard
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I can’t enjoy movie car chases. That fruit stand was some guy’s livelihood, man.

    • 602
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1chinty88GamersRespawnKelgoreTroutdavid_tullthegayfarmerguyGowittynatedog2049
    • 297
    • RETWEETS
    chinty88GamersRespawndavid_tulliwearaonesieGenevieve0404JemalitoTheBlackSheep_jjgriffith88
    ilgrandechucksarcazm2
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Friend: What time is it?
    Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away)
    Friend: Well?
    Me: Well what?

    • 479
    • FAVS
    sanket0087theguyJkchinty88GamersRespawnnatedog2049WilljGeorgeHecklersDelightc123harrris
    • 305
    • RETWEETS
    theguyJkchinty88GamersRespawnPaulhcarrest1975blogInkedLestrangeallknutGenevieve0404
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I find it creepy that everything Bryan Adams does, he does it for me.

    • 498
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1freerogue87VerbsRProudestnocturnallymeheidiknitsBigJonBulKevinDeanGanderppattersonjax
    • 227
    • RETWEETS
    freerogue87BigJonBulppattersonjaxAddMusicMammaThe0nlychkdavid_tullmervynwarrenCSmithAustin
    so_amused
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I said to a friend, “How are you?” & he said “Good, how are you?” & I said “Good, how are you?’ because I don’t know how conversation works.

    • 445
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1chunkyponynatedog2049Genevieve0404CodyCoconutshyperbarnowlCVTBabyNicoleroxxu
    • 221
    • RETWEETS
    TheBMD1hyperbarnowlMamtttaJaysonBoldonYaoKingofRockFoxadelicthotsnlyricssuz1973luq
    cessperience
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    The downside of having friends who love sarcasm and irony is that when we make plans I'm never entirely sure we really made plans.

    • 394
    • FAVS
    GamersRespawnVodkaTiemchunkyponynatedog2049thesnacktablesergeantself36Genevieve0404badboyversion
    • 239
    • RETWEETS
    Rising_ApeGamersRespawnGenevieve0404badboyversionfractaljackalSchemerScreamerJaysonBoldon__bonniee__
    _CherriAnn_FatherWithTwinsMikeMcMikaelsonTangoEchoAlphaP__
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders. How I learned this rule is not important.

    • 299
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1GamersRespawnVeldaHammSteveSeaquistjoannatrumanTexasSPNnocturnallymeLizziefro
    • 224
    • RETWEETS
    VeldaHammErrenMichaelsnocturnallymeJayRu594SparksDannyCluaran_Fraoch__Wolf_____pmann555
    AndyAsAdjective
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    2nd rule of Fight Club: If you bring a dish to share, put your name on it so you’ll be sure to get it back. Thanks and enjoy the fighting!

    • 391
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1VerbsRProudestnocturnallymenatedog2049WilljGeorgejosephlhatfieldJacobSandersArtBRudlaff
    • 131
    • RETWEETS
    JacobSandersArtBRudlaffstaceouterspaceTheAlexNevilblaaakemarieYaoKingofRockFoxadelicthotsnlyrics
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Movie idea: Family moves into haunted house; ghosts appear; family too busy staring at phones to notice; ghosts leave in disgust.

    • 351
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1nocturnallymemtressamBrookeTuzildavid_tullthegayfarmerguyVodkaTiemnatedog2049
    • 148
    • RETWEETS
    david_tullVodkaTiemSchemerScreamerdadichiotaAddledPixienattylumpo88friggoffffdevinecelt
    DallyDoll
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Email subject line: "Your invited." Thanks, I'll bring an apostrophe and an e.

    • 300
    • FAVS
    GamersRespawnVerbsRProudestdavid_tullnatedog2049Genny_jelloMrsDottieParkerfractaljackalmissmoeys
    • 196
    • RETWEETS
    GamersRespawnChevo_MqzfractaljackalTheAlexNevilJaysonBoldonmichaellaburgertgrath4YaoKingofRock
    TroyWidner________
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought, that's the last thing I need.

    • 320
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1VerbsRProudestnatedog2049Genevieve0404badboyversionfractaljackalAdyacesquecmo
    • 121
    • RETWEETS
    kcirtap11thagr8short1YaoKingofRockFoxadelicthotsnlyricscatcervenyiAchillesHeelXoolun
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    "Lunchables" is a good name because it doesn't make any grandiose claims: "This is able to be eaten as lunch."

    • 358
    • FAVS
    nocturnallymethegayfarmerguynatedog2049Genevieve0404JaysonBoldonkcirtap11thagr8short1Foxadelic
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    SeamusTheBoldUpscaleHobosheepandrobotssmash_landingknot_eyetsenzenisuz1973luqQIsHere
    jeanieville
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.

    • 278
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1mrsmicksSandraTurnbaughdavid_tullnatedog2049WilljGeorgeGenevieve0404fractaljackal
    • 162
    • RETWEETS
    TheBMD1SandraTurnbaughdavid_tullChevo_MqzCVTBabylissaloowhooeborg01amishschool
    jakob_huber
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Dear 6-year-old me: As an adult you won't need to know cursive but you will need an ability to type with your thumbs. The future is weird.

    • 269
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1nocturnallymemtressamStaceyShortcakemrsmicksCelebYouTauntSandraTurnbaughdavid_tull
    • 167
    • RETWEETS
    SandraTurnbaughdavid_tullchunkyponyGenevieve0404JaysonBoldonthagr8short1BrandonGuzman96benittto13
    bullfrog_1979
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I hate it when I try to impress a date by taking her to a nice restaurant and she orders something that isn't on my coupon.

    • 278
    • FAVS
    TheBMD1DrrragonHartGamersRespawncbudmerrickdavid_tullchunkyponynatedog2049Genevieve0404
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    uviprakashDrrragonHartGamersRespawndavid_tullChevo_MqzAbelMesganawfractaljackalcrazycircles_
    KevinBuffalo
@JohnLyonTweets

@JohnLyonTweets

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