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  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Gift @JohnLyonTweets Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 2,284
    • FAVS
    JatinHumbalAlexdeepGrumpiestBadgerPeachesNPorki_wasnt_lookingBloodshot_InkDarkerWillowPressOneForNo
    • 2,213
    • RETWEETS
    gshreyasiShmeeitesP_SAMALSmietanaManAmit_mythAmySandbergi_wasnt_lookinggsworld1
    OfficeofSteveDeadLionessLazerPunchblitheringidiom__MzSweetcheeks_jeanievilleTheDailySchmuck
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

    • 2,397
    • FAVS
    eurogibbonmarkpolishassocAndyEldurnomilubinRedCometKickkhhsocraticabh_CitizenNoodle
    • 1,685
    • RETWEETS
    sinyk007AndyEldurmoppiusAlStanwayJoeSwedenMarkFellingalen_leslieadrycoolwit
    abrosenthalDrDweezilMascaraBanditjazmastaPaperWashSwishergirl24ShaunRightNowTrigg3rHippiemaebemarblescyclingfiend74
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I've never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.

    • 1,347
    • FAVS
    BelladonnaLakesKittyBexsonDeluxianssadb0ycakesDarkerWillowGrumpiestBadgerdoyouevenlisp_siddo471
    • 822
    • RETWEETS
    sadb0ycakesDarkerWillowBaerylliumsiddo471tjcirimelei_wasnt_lookingPressOneForNoEvannOseye
    MrsJekyllsHydeElaineBBfanHeatherLuvsYou
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Don't think of it as a cubicle. Think of it as a starter coffin.

    • 1,076
    • FAVS
    DarkerWillowlucasloveslilyravingrantJFKinNewHavenGrumpiestBadgertriciaharrisAlexanderLissyPressOneForNo
    • 688
    • RETWEETS
    ravingrantJFKinNewHavenThereseMiucambusladRileyyRyandivadeb99CM2BTTHDlucasloveslily
    TheTweetParrotGreeblehausSeanX3iMikosnycBlack__Elvislynyrdsbackyard
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.

    *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes*

    Well that sucked.

    • 1,009
    • FAVS
    DarkerWillowGrumpiestBadgeri_wasnt_lookingPressOneForNohippocroteezcharrrllaaIAmLeannaaGabby769Kris
    • 595
    • RETWEETS
    GrumpiestBadgerGabby769KrisbecabirdBHamblenshopkins776TheresthatbearSSChevGrlgianni_bcn
    KatieBurnettKhrisWordsjrza84rickolanternstevetwarnerOtherDanOBriennicfit75
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.

    • 1,008
    • FAVS
    DarkerWillowi_wasnt_lookingPressOneForNohippocroteezIAmLeannaaReezyIsMyNametiReynardjoelu72
    • 587
    • RETWEETS
    babylast_PressOneForNotiReynardjjthetwitChristianMcBaneshopkins776mattgallo123david_tull
    DrDweezilbrittarnettYour_Boy_Dylan
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    It must be tough to get people to read your emails if you really are a Nigerian prince.

    • 894
    • FAVS
    DarkerWillowsiddo471i_wasnt_lookingPressOneForNohippocroteezcharrrllaajjthetwitbecabird
    • 432
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingpickled_idiotbecabirdshopkins776cambusladgianni_bcndougbiesshutupmac
    JamesCoolieDanKCharnleyBlack__Elvismiss_ogyny________
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I can’t enjoy movie car chases. That fruit stand was some guy’s livelihood, man.

    • 751
    • FAVS
    siddo471i_wasnt_lookingPressOneForNohippocroteezHormonellaHatfieldAnneaparna___Daniel_Veidt3
    • 375
    • RETWEETS
    siddo471i_wasnt_lookingPressOneForNofavstar_historyCammille26simranshahfrnksmelonsharkAGreaterMonster
    DrDweezililgrandechucksarcazm2
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I find it creepy that everything Bryan Adams does, he does it for me.

    • 688
    • FAVS
    JessicasnutsBrandonBrzRealDMKBHambleni_wasnt_lookingPressOneForNoHatfieldAnneDaniel_Veidt3
    • 336
    • RETWEETS
    kik_stupidBHambleni_wasnt_lookingDaniel_Veidt3LoraHelouCammille26Smitten_RPattzDrGabiTree
    so_amused
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Friend: What time is it?
    Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away)
    Friend: Well?
    Me: Well what?

    • 614
    • FAVS
    DarkerWillowJFKinNewHavenPressOneForNocharrrllaaItsKitOkKaatje_79Hamzzzxolerunkbitch
    • 378
    • RETWEETS
    CiroGalliJFKinNewHavenItsKitOkKaatje_79harikajanjamDanielleOlenakbecabirdyoucantbeMissT
    DrDweezilkrishna_van
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    If a woman looks sad, tell her "You'd be pretty if you smiled more" and you won't see her looking sad anymore because you will be dead.

    • 556
    • FAVS
    DarkerWillowPatCronin_78angrychick16rwlsliderwilly2122RealPrincessKimdeathtoscumbagsTheRealMelskee
    • 415
    • RETWEETS
    BelladonnaLakesDarkerWillowbubbletaemJeensoangrychick161eathershirtwilly2122deathtoscumbags
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    The downside of having friends who love sarcasm and irony is that when we make plans I'm never entirely sure we really made plans.

    • 534
    • FAVS
    DarkerWillowSolelyBBubblious_NinaglassforPressOneForNohippocroteezwordthrowerbillingsboys
    • 316
    • RETWEETS
    Bubblious_Ninadivadeb99MakalDakalGlockanomicsphatassbenRavenGaddafiAmorAb72JBizzle4Rizzle
    _CherriAnn_FatherWithTwinsMikeMcMikaelsonTangoEchoAlphaP__
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders. How I learned this rule is not important.

    • 461
    • FAVS
    DarkerWillowfightwithspoonsBendy_MermaidPressOneForNohippocroteezgianni_bcnCynthiaJEllisTry2ActNormal
    • 336
    • RETWEETS
    MiggyMoonbeamPressOneForNogianni_bcnMjusi_peepnmutiemtombewanjiruwamburuMiss_Ngugi
    DrDweezilxSpaceShotxAndyAsAdjective
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I said to a friend, “How are you?” & he said “Good, how are you?” & I said “Good, how are you?’ because I don’t know how conversation works.

    • 523
    • FAVS
    MiggyMoonbeamPressOneForNohippocroteezItsKitOkKateWhineHallCarminQsamanthakimuraAhnster1
    • 249
    • RETWEETS
    MiggyMoonbeamPressOneForNojcleorabecabirdshopkins776october_bloodshutupmacSmitten_RPattz
    cessperience
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Tips for improving concentration:
    -Make a list of tasks.
    -Take on one task at a time.
    -Take On Me was a fun song.
    -Ooh I found the video.

    • 427
    • FAVS
    adal_heidisjpuncholosolommbMikeHornick_ashleyy_raemattgrabber9FlyRaceRepeatemmweeh
    • 291
    • RETWEETS
    adal_heidisjpuncholosolommbdeleezejustbarkyoujustsayccBrandWagon011GillKing01
    thejodiestdaemonic3
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    No, you can't have candy for breakfast. Don't be silly. Now be quiet and let me finish my peppermint mocha frappuccino.

    • 409
    • FAVS
    ketansampatsimonaonthegodaveguitarjonesHolly100371MePressOneForNoKhushmeenB0839733174Jljudy38Jen
    • 300
    • RETWEETS
    lana119ShmeeitesPradeepKadam11ImaneRoumiehPeachesNPorkleninmecae0839733174Jljudy38Jen
    LinajkReturns
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Movie idea: Family moves into haunted house; ghosts appear; family too busy staring at phones to notice; ghosts leave in disgust.

    • 443
    • FAVS
    PressOneForNoGarageGlamourgianni_bcniloveskyrim71DestineyLynndzacharandaiRdnucarpKimgee8
    • 183
    • RETWEETS
    gianni_bcnDestineyLynncarlielynccnomadGinaBecker111Tisilkiner1FuneralwomanKathy_Cooperman
    DallyDoll
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought, that's the last thing I need.

    • 436
    • FAVS
    JFKinNewHavenPressOneForNohippocroteeziloveskyrim71pfffftwhateverdzacharandaijazbeebzLance_Said_This
    • 183
    • RETWEETS
    dzacharandaiJedi_DaddyKHoppToItdavesalois__MarzombraMrJack5150lllvvvzzzalanagrace
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Email subject line: "Your invited." Thanks, I'll bring an apostrophe and an e.

    • 382
    • FAVS
    PressOneForNoMaggieharris5MagoosbackheyswartzyjSheDoneGoodpie_and_dryNautilusCarlygianni_bcn
    • 230
    • RETWEETS
    mbuyambi3maaso_anaMagoosback_LaaReynaaSheDoneGoodpie_and_dryNautilusCarlygianni_bcn
    visceral71__TroyWidner________
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    "Lunchables" is a good name because it doesn't make any grandiose claims: "This is able to be eaten as lunch."

    • 476
    • FAVS
    PressOneForNodougbiesi_wasnt_lookingelizahechtJohn26649305yerpalmildsaucetoomanytoesJustinGuarini
    • 135
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyCwallsaggietoomanytoesVestaTotsherry_cokeAreSpyerAmymacutieTD_Ferrari
    jeanieville
@JohnLyonTweets

@JohnLyonTweets

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