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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Gift @JohnLyonTweets Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 4,062
    • LIKES
    hancock_shellysosumi2amishschoolstephjmrfunsexycoolgirlAndrius_RomeroJaunesJaunefinderfinder
    • 3,732
    • RETWEETS
    MauiWowie97_Zelda_GametashareneedamishschoolbigchriselmerMBonoTheYoungerfunsexycoolgirlcolourofspring
    Tups13thejodiestdaemonic3
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

    • 2,479
    • LIKES
    FunnyonelinersScottyWuffnd_L_buckeyesavagepapigogetemAlishaan7Chocovaniacalmasshole
    • 2,410
    • RETWEETS
    nd_L_BellaRene1369johnguzlowskiAlishaan7hunz74Mardigroannisha_29septPRINCESSLAYLA
    damakattackwickedimproperOfficeofSteveDeadLionessLazerPunchblitheringidiom__MzSweetcheeks_jeanievilleTheDailySchmuck
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

    • 2,672
    • LIKES
    andrewmacdowallChocovaniaNapmaster_32ashmenschLionJenkinsNEthingButWorksarahjon_ericsshadow
    • 1,820
    • RETWEETS
    RichardMagrathandrewmacdowallcvizcainodudaysahadevanNapmaster_32ashmenschLionJenkinsanthropaulogist
    abrosenthalDrDweezil__MascaraBanditjazmastaPaperWashSwishergirl24ShaunRightNowTrigg3rHippiemaebemarblescyclingfiend74
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I've never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.

    • 1,420
    • LIKES
    MelKasselChocovaniaChange051811Chloestylo_skyenappedJohnTudor1D2OHNlittlebrowndawg
    • 875
    • RETWEETS
    Chocovaniamarybets22Change051811wschrock97khochstetler97alroy_noronhaJohnTudor1D2OHN
    MrsJekyllsHydeElaineBBfanHeatherLuvsYou
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Don't think of it as a cubicle. Think of it as a starter coffin.

    • 1,299
    • LIKES
    ChocovaniaRedness22MittenFacedLadIamJackBootdeb032010DarkPhoenix975NapaIndian1961jhutch600
    • 822
    • RETWEETS
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    damakattackSarcasmo718TheTweetParrotGreeblehauscleverdudiMikosnycBlack__Elvislynyrdsbackyard
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders. How I learned this rule is not important.

    • 1,090
    • LIKES
    UnrulyNewlyhancock_shellysosumi2akaCorbinDallasLizScotttree0childDangerGatzkimasterobscurity
    • 748
    • RETWEETS
    videodrome71joannawilloakaCorbinDallasjs_silversteinjenncognitoLizScottjcrewhaikuDangerGatzki
    DrDweezil__xSpaceShotxAndyAsAdjective
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.

    • 1,079
    • LIKES
    nd_L_DeLMarSanninortagabrielxxpaisb_thisischiara_shann_galsar_em_ImNotChrisPratt
    • 655
    • RETWEETS
    nd_L_DeLMarSanMardigroanninortagabrieldnyanesh115ningarag_NCSUConniemeNabster
    madamepotsteinDrDweezil__brittarnettYour_Boy_Dylan
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.

    *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes*

    Well that sucked.

    • 1,040
    • LIKES
    nd_L_LionJenkinsBenjisbadbraind_duhwitspice_dixiehunz74NEthingButWorkMasonMiller03
    • 606
    • RETWEETS
    nd_L_LionJenkinsd_duhwithunz74MasonMiller03CaraJo_MardigroanDarren_Ashley77
    KatieBurnettKLIM0VSKIjrza84rickolanternstevetwarnerOtherDanOBriennicfit75
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    It must be tough to get people to read your emails if you really are a Nigerian prince.

    • 940
    • LIKES
    EnFlightDesignbensonsonlined_duhwitMasonMiller03MDthriceheffroatlargeQueefSandwichCotysGotThis
    • 467
    • RETWEETS
    EliReadingbensonsonlinehunz74MasonMiller03RealShaughnthe_mincessheffroatlargeCotysGotThis
    BradBroaddusJamesCoolieDanKCharnleyBlack__Elvismiss_ogyny________
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I can’t enjoy movie car chases. That fruit stand was some guy’s livelihood, man.

    • 764
    • LIKES
    DeLMarSanLionJenkinsDarkerWillowhunz74NEthingButWorkMasonMiller03clsummsunobtainabelle
    • 385
    • RETWEETS
    hunz74MasonMiller03clsummsMDthriceRealShaughnCotysGotThisjustinebronsonkolby182
    DrDweezil__ilgrandechucksarcazm2
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I find it creepy that everything Bryan Adams does, he does it for me.

    • 743
    • LIKES
    LionJenkinsDarkerWillowspice_dixiehunz74MasonMiller03Tabneriumfamished_ferret__CotysGotThis
    • 372
    • RETWEETS
    LionJenkinshunz74MasonMiller03RealShaughnOfficerRoselandTabneriumCotysGotThisbkdcasey
    so_amused
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    If a woman looks sad, tell her "You'd be pretty if you smiled more" and you won't see her looking sad anymore because you will be dead.

    • 597
    • LIKES
    Bow2mePeasntMosaicWeddingsLionJenkinscveidsonhunz74thatbani__MasonMiller03MDthrice
    • 438
    • RETWEETS
    LionJenkinshunz74RealShaughnMattJonahtheAdinkra780CohenLilBlueBloodMs_Jen_X
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Friend: What time is it?
    Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away)
    Friend: Well?
    Me: Well what?

    • 626
    • LIKES
    ScottyWuffnd_L_LionJenkinsMasonMiller03Mardigroanclsummsunobtainabelleskeptic67
    • 387
    • RETWEETS
    nd_L_LionJenkinsMasonMiller03clsummsThereaElizaJaneDedGudTweetsMDthriceRealShaughn
    DrDweezil__krishna_van
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    The downside of having friends who love sarcasm and irony is that when we make plans I'm never entirely sure we really made plans.

    • 577
    • LIKES
    ColleenHolt20livewire3791SteveThomas67fitfabkelseyYetiElizabettybokneeyaasiananomalyRelativeChaff3
    • 343
    • RETWEETS
    livewire3791SteveThomas67Wellsy_1991bokneeyaasiananomalyVolatileNinjaYourAnMoronJ__o__n__n__y
    _CherriAnn_FatherWithTwinsMikeMcMikaelsonTangoEchoAlphaP__
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Don't regret past mistakes. All of your decisions, good and bad, led you to where you are today.

    Disregard this if you are in prison.

    • 430
    • LIKES
    lilywhippitlolrealramiesosumi2NotKlingonRedbrettminoramishschoolTeodoraMPetrovaRaniaanter
    • 414
    • RETWEETS
    UnrulyNewlySkiminskibrettminoramishschoolRaniaantergianni_bcnjpage1696SpringJumper
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought, that's the last thing I need.

    • 547
    • LIKES
    LionJenkins1LitChickMiss_Kris85Starrier_NightsMomzilla111hunz74MasonMiller03Yombe
    • 268
    • RETWEETS
    loreena_psyLionJenkinsStarrier_NightsMomzilla111hunz74wireds0ulMasonMiller03Yombe
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I said to a friend, “How are you?” & he said “Good, how are you?” & I said “Good, how are you?’ because I don’t know how conversation works.

    • 546
    • LIKES
    queeenvkfoxnerdrnMKUltra_violetVioletThunktiReynardPinkebellyMardigroanFrasierSein
    • 266
    • RETWEETS
    the_niryafoxnerdrntiReynardnnamdyjuniorPinkebellyHRTSMRTLionJenkinsAmaniderella
    cessperience
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    To pay a bill, press 1. To awaken ravenous tentacled horrors that slumber in the void between worlds, press 2. To hear your balance press 3.

    • 490
    • LIKES
    offshore122daylilylady134CVTBabydreamthievinsixfootcandyforeverjapJoyy_2TheWorldjesolis101
    • 295
    • RETWEETS
    CVTBabyforeverjapJoyy_2TheWorldgaybrion3sHollyMemphis_raihanrdonotcurseatmeJennaphobia
    Black__Elvisonelongbender__
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    No, you can't have candy for breakfast. Don't be silly. Now be quiet and let me finish my peppermint mocha frappuccino.

    • 425
    • LIKES
    MasonMiller03QueefSandwichCotysGotThisa_praiserRichBeingRichalyssa_oakleyy__shelldashMikaCannibal
    • 310
    • RETWEETS
    MasonMiller03BCSkimRealShaughnCotysGotThisskullpuppy11MikaCannibalJosievorenkampSamuelHLowe
    LinajkReturns
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I understand where you're coming from. Could you go back there?

    • 387
    • LIKES
    pam_i_am_A1viraldoshiashleybohrerKristina_BarryLionJenkinsln2718GinAndJifTups13
    • 330
    • RETWEETS
    pam_i_am_A1dullandwickedMardigroanPRINCESSLAYLALionJenkinsdisain79GinAndJifTups13
    cleverdud
@JohnLyonTweets

@JohnLyonTweets

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