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  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

    • 1,983
    • FAVS
    JustinCanadyWSESocialChalleng1RestenfieldMeat_spoontrailortrashhistwaddleTiceNitscharlzero
    • 1,304
    • RETWEETS
    RestenfieldCBodhartrailortrashbloodless_couphistwaddlehunz74P_arsonistNateIsntFunny
    DrDweezilMascaraBanditjazmastaPaperWashSwishergirl24ShaunRightNowTrigg3rHippiemaebemarblescyclingfiend74
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

    • 1,162
    • FAVS
    fletchworld73ArtoriousnessSocialChalleng1jifdendekkeRestenfieldMeat_spoonWhiskeyForKidsHpHubert
    • 1,119
    • RETWEETS
    _McIntosh_jifdendekkeRestenfieldyoungthorbieHpHubertMz_zizzy_Oviae_PapercutFiles
    DeadLionessLazerPunchblitheringidiom__MzSweetcheeks_jeanievilleTheDailySchmuck
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I've never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.

    • 1,176
    • FAVS
    SocialChalleng1alizmayjifdendekkeRANKINMIKEERestenfieldMeat_spoonhistwaddleidsworth
    • 710
    • RETWEETS
    ambernicolai_jifdendekkeRestenfielddebateprincessmelz_00Hkingrat0005schoolyardalienits_trish
    MrsJekyllsHydeElaineBBfanHeatherLuvsYou
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.

    • 869
    • FAVS
    SocialChalleng1RestenfieldhistwaddleCbdyliesmartiejtSheripetersonSWarriorFreckledschoolyardalien
    • 507
    • RETWEETS
    RestenfieldhistwaddleGregMercer1WarriorFreckledschoolyardalienKmdk86minnie_in_pink7hunz74
    brittarnettYour_Boy_Dylan
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    It must be tough to get people to read your emails if you really are a Nigerian prince.

    • 796
    • FAVS
    SmileSamoreskullpuppy11placeswewillgo1un1xphyscoLevDog23Bob_JankeSocialChalleng1jifdendekke
    • 382
    • RETWEETS
    SmileSamoreun1xphyscoLevDog23Bob_JankeSocialChalleng1jifdendekkePerpetual_Nowweaselwhiskerz
    JamesCoolieDanKCharnleyBlack__Elvismiss_ogyny________
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Don't think of it as a cubicle. Think of it as a starter coffin.

    • 636
    • FAVS
    kanekos69fletchworld73SocialChalleng1RestenfieldMonicaBielankoOutOfLeftField_McSniper66histwaddle
    • 414
    • RETWEETS
    McSniper66steve_condrahistwaddleUGANDANCRAZYa_man_named_JEDtoyotaman1988JLazySAngusTallCanadien
    Greeblehausseanx3iMikosnycBlack__Elvislynyrdsbackyard
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.

    *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes*

    Well that sucked.

    • 613
    • FAVS
    SmileSamorecaNdi_caiNe34un1xphyscoLevDog23ricowallacelarrymccain1senorwincescarynrenee11
    • 363
    • RETWEETS
    Literotica_comSmileSamoreun1xphyscoLevDog23RickBarry44ricowallacelarrymccain1mikeant530
    jrza84rickolanternstevetwarnerOtherDanOBriennicfit75
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I can’t enjoy movie car chases. That fruit stand was some guy’s livelihood, man.

    • 640
    • FAVS
    LevDog23cousinbanjoSocialChalleng1RestenfieldSpicAndSpamMeat_spoonhistwaddlebeejonesbaby
    • 316
    • RETWEETS
    beejonesbabyits_trishStrewnPetalsJLazySAngusDeadLionessluluaa_Pikachu_xoxoxDrDweezil
    ilgrandechucksarcazm2
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Friend: What time is it?
    Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away)
    Friend: Well?
    Me: Well what?

    • 512
    • FAVS
    fletchworld73ScrambledMceggsRestenfieldhistwaddleDamonHunzekerhunz74its_trishDeadLioness
    • 323
    • RETWEETS
    Restenfieldhunz74DeadLionessScott_A_GilmoreSandraRNWriterShar_Williamsella_nyciyaelsorai
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I find it creepy that everything Bryan Adams does, he does it for me.

    • 531
    • FAVS
    fletchworld73teamtaylaaaKEENANMULVANEYBob_JankeSocialChalleng1vonTraphausEliHansenMusicQobrien
    • 239
    • RETWEETS
    Bob_JankeSocialChalleng1AmyLee_WjifdendekkeerrdayhustlahRestenfieldhistwaddletonyarhoades
    so_amused
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I said to a friend, “How are you?” & he said “Good, how are you?” & I said “Good, how are you?’ because I don’t know how conversation works.

    • 468
    • FAVS
    fletchworld73SocialChalleng1Meat_spoonhistwaddleRichBeingRichits_trishRandomAnticsberger2323
    • 228
    • RETWEETS
    its_trishOkNowRunpeter_mccorkellErrenMichaelskcMcCowgirlbeerito_Cali420nia_LukeTheBMD1
    cessperience
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    The downside of having friends who love sarcasm and irony is that when we make plans I'm never entirely sure we really made plans.

    • 414
    • FAVS
    histwaddlelovemypsychosisberger2323Scott_A_GilmoreDrDweezilOkNowRunchristinawilderTattooedMisery
    • 244
    • RETWEETS
    OkNowRunDELPHINUS44eliserose5kcMcCowgirlTwisted_MettleRising_ApeGamersRespawnGenevieve0404
    _CherriAnn_FatherWithTwinsMikeMcMikaelsonTangoEchoAlphaP__
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders. How I learned this rule is not important.

    • 371
    • FAVS
    SocialChalleng1jifdendekkeRANKINMIKEERestenfieldhistwaddleRichBeingRichits_trishRandomAntics
    • 276
    • RETWEETS
    jifdendekkeRestenfieldhistwaddleUGANDANCRAZYits_trishIamMichelleAnnaSunKiissdStacyE64
    DrDweezilxSpaceShotxAndyAsAdjective
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    2nd rule of Fight Club: If you bring a dish to share, put your name on it so you’ll be sure to get it back. Thanks and enjoy the fighting!

    • 409
    • FAVS
    SocialChalleng1Ami_LucasjifdendekkeMeat_spoonhistwaddleRandomAnticslovemypsychosisberger2323
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    jifdendekkeYourmomisdirtylovemypsychosisxSpaceShotxbreely216beerito_JacobSandersArtBRudlaff
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Movie idea: Family moves into haunted house; ghosts appear; family too busy staring at phones to notice; ghosts leave in disgust.

    • 379
    • FAVS
    SocialChalleng1Meat_spoonhistwaddleits_trishRandomAnticsJaneSays___knittgirlphoenix3r
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    its_trishYumi_AmaranteLiisaTSNeuronicismSinnerEllaDeVil2happyright_LittleMsBossy___DeadLioness
    DallyDoll
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Email subject line: "Your invited." Thanks, I'll bring an apostrophe and an e.

    • 314
    • FAVS
    RestenfieldMeat_spoonhistwaddletonyarhoadesits_trishScott_A_GilmorechristinawilderMaryBrennan19
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    UGANDANCRAZYits_trishGamersRespawnChevo_MqzfractaljackalTheAlexNevilJaysonBoldonmichaellaburger
    TroyWidner________
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought, that's the last thing I need.

    • 361
    • FAVS
    SocialChalleng1RestenfieldMeat_spoonhistwaddle_mSAWFamilyRamblingsmiawkoueScrambledMceggs
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    steve_condraRandomAnticsgreggorrio_miawkoueScrambledMceggsZombie_Kitgillydunkleyalchemyintheuk
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Dear 6-year-old me: As an adult you won't need to know cursive but you will need an ability to type with your thumbs. The future is weird.

    • 293
    • FAVS
    Bob_JankeSocialChalleng1histwaddlearis_rigasits_trishHeyZeus666DigitalArkGinaBecker111
    • 179
    • RETWEETS
    SocialChalleng1histwaddleUGANDANCRAZYSofKonaris_rigasits_trishStnkyWeaslTeets9appletrees
    bullfrog_1979
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.

    • 297
    • FAVS
    SocialChalleng1histwaddleberger2323DeadLionessScott_A_GilmoreOkNowRunVincenza15MrsTomServo
    • 168
    • RETWEETS
    histwaddleJenigmaticBob_A_GanushSuchaDumbWorldchristinawilderTwisted_MettleTheBMD1SandraTurnbaugh
    jakob_huber
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    "Lunchables" is a good name because it doesn't make any grandiose claims: "This is able to be eaten as lunch."

    • 372
    • FAVS
    SteveDutzyMeat_spoonKerfuckushistwaddleRandomAnticslovemypsychosisberger2323Scott_A_Gilmore
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    berger2323TattooedMiseryicftoonsTwisted_MettleSeamusTheBoldUpscaleHobosheepandrobotssmash_landing
    jeanieville
@JohnLyonTweets

@JohnLyonTweets

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