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  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Gift @JohnLyonTweets Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 2,432
    • FAVS
    ayuniysbfucking_faustian_galsimandika_surya_morgueshmorgueVonBitchPantsMelanie_Isganitjamesguitardude
    • 2,376
    • RETWEETS
    DimasYPGnainggolan__naonananahitaprdnyaVonBitchPantsdirkquinnanne_mckelveytaulbeeelizabe1
    damakattackwickedimproperOfficeofSteveDeadLionessLazerPunchblitheringidiom__MzSweetcheeks_jeanievilleTheDailySchmuck
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

    • 2,636
    • FAVS
    kiana_korisagrizzlebear19Miss_Kris85AmyinAtlanta212Phoenix_Dustmego22ogemMaiaMamacitatimmydatripod
    • 1,810
    • RETWEETS
    Hay_bails25OkieGirl405timmydatripodjporter1821hannahmarkham6MBenebigmomo3652JamesonN7
    abrosenthalDrDweezilMascaraBanditjazmastaPaperWashSwishergirl24ShaunRightNowTrigg3rHippiemaebemarblescyclingfiend74
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I've never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.

    • 1,373
    • FAVS
    FecesIsShitAmyinAtlanta212GroseraGirlzakcureRoscoshagnasty1Ahnster1megindapegCarlyXYZ
    • 839
    • RETWEETS
    FecesIsShitYouCantFoolOkieGirl405Ahnster1megindapegCarlyXYZhrlksMutedCatfish
    MrsJekyllsHydeElaineBBfanHeatherLuvsYou
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Don't think of it as a cubicle. Think of it as a starter coffin.

    • 1,128
    • FAVS
    doctorcoulterMiss_Kris85EMASOODPhoenix_DustThreestardaveFatLittleChazWilliamDettloffPreMedGirl
    • 723
    • RETWEETS
    YouCantFoolOkieGirl405KSTXNNinja_Mike67WilliamDettloffPreMedGirlAngrEdmontonianAnnoGalactic
    TheTweetParrotGreeblehausseanscrapsiMikosnycBlack__Elvislynyrdsbackyard
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.

    • 1,020
    • FAVS
    FFC_UFCzakcureAhnster1Iam_banksy21gypsykyssesmegindapeghrlksangieisso
    • 595
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingmegindapeghrlksRaniaanterangieisso1CleverGirl1MutedCatfishbkdcasey
    DrDweezilbrittarnettYour_Boy_Dylan
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.

    *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes*

    Well that sucked.

    • 1,012
    • FAVS
    emmj3kolby182BNagorskiau_rahmanella__fraserChrisScarletteTeaBeaPeaMakesYouGiggle
    • 598
    • RETWEETS
    kolby182laura_c_mBNagorskiella__fraserPankajK864ScoreN20Bowlsdistracted_monkGrumpiestBadger
    KatieBurnettKLIM0VSKIjrza84rickolanternstevetwarnerOtherDanOBriennicfit75
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    It must be tough to get people to read your emails if you really are a Nigerian prince.

    • 931
    • FAVS
    jimduckettclowndrojatok10stynmertensMurja_nlcmarslettsunxgoddessKylecanuck
    • 456
    • RETWEETS
    jatok10Murja_nlcmarslettKylecanuckrockthechuckssteele1010partyhatsincCoreyMonroe
    BradBroaddusJamesCoolieDanKCharnleyBlack__Elvismiss_ogyny________
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I can’t enjoy movie car chases. That fruit stand was some guy’s livelihood, man.

    • 754
    • FAVS
    justinebronsonkolby182gianni_bcnsiddo471i_wasnt_lookingPressOneForNohippocroteezHormonella
    • 379
    • RETWEETS
    justinebronsonkolby182nolanira93gianni_bcnsiddo471i_wasnt_lookingPressOneForNofavstar_history
    DrDweezililgrandechucksarcazm2
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I find it creepy that everything Bryan Adams does, he does it for me.

    • 733
    • FAVS
    TaylorPheonixAESherman27bkdcaseykolby182mandel_angelatroubadoursbanesummers_sonnyratnerp
    • 365
    • RETWEETS
    bkdcaseykolby182mandel_angelaMartinJohn25Slave_4_UEnigmaticEvilplatinum2000roxaroodw
    so_amused
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    If a woman looks sad, tell her "You'd be pretty if you smiled more" and you won't see her looking sad anymore because you will be dead.

    • 583
    • FAVS
    vmschaeferFatBottomGirl1Zombie_Kitv2SpookyGingeraletheothercrystalquietkoyotemitpoolexsk8pnk
    • 429
    • RETWEETS
    Zombie_Kitv2mitpoolexsk8pnkEL_TENORAmaka_Egebuhsbaby_babyminnie_in_pink7rebelyn324
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Friend: What time is it?
    Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away)
    Friend: Well?
    Me: Well what?

    • 614
    • FAVS
    DarkerWillowJFKinNewHavenPressOneForNocharrrllaaItsKitOkKaatje_79Hamzzzxolerunkbitch
    • 378
    • RETWEETS
    CiroGalliJFKinNewHavenItsKitOkKaatje_79harikajanjamDanielleOlenakbecabirdyoucantbeMissT
    DrDweezilkrishna_van
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    The downside of having friends who love sarcasm and irony is that when we make plans I'm never entirely sure we really made plans.

    • 534
    • FAVS
    DarkerWillowSolelyBBubblious_NinaglassforPressOneForNohippocroteezwordthrowerbillingsboys
    • 316
    • RETWEETS
    Bubblious_Ninadivadeb99MakalDakalGlockanomicsphatassbenRavenGaddafiAmorAb72__JBizzle4Rizzle
    _CherriAnn_FatherWithTwinsMikeMcMikaelsonTangoEchoAlphaP__
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders. How I learned this rule is not important.

    • 462
    • FAVS
    MakesYouGigglePankajK86vsmind24ScoreN20BowlsRagnor009distracted_monkDarkerWillowfightwithspoons
    • 338
    • RETWEETS
    PankajK86deadfishpottery4ScoreN20BowlsRagnor009distracted_monkMiggyMoonbeamPressOneForNogianni_bcn
    DrDweezilxSpaceShotxAndyAsAdjective
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I said to a friend, “How are you?” & he said “Good, how are you?” & I said “Good, how are you?’ because I don’t know how conversation works.

    • 523
    • FAVS
    MiggyMoonbeamPressOneForNohippocroteezItsKitOkKateWhineHallCarminQsamanthakimuraAhnster1
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyMiggyMoonbeamPressOneForNojcleorabecabirdshopkins776october_bloodshutupmac__
    cessperience
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    No, you can't have candy for breakfast. Don't be silly. Now be quiet and let me finish my peppermint mocha frappuccino.

    • 421
    • FAVS
    alyssa_oakleyyshelldashMikaCannibalpatrichoJosievorenkampkatebagwellSamuelHLowemomisaverb
    • 306
    • RETWEETS
    skullpuppy11MikaCannibalJosievorenkampSamuelHLowestudiobleuKatelynRepkeJemfinAndersonChewingCrayons
    LinajkReturns
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Tips for improving concentration:
    -Make a list of tasks.
    -Take on one task at a time.
    -Take On Me was a fun song.
    -Ooh I found the video.

    • 428
    • FAVS
    jackbrummetDishy2101sisira87bkdcaseyAlainanotElainaJedixdivinePrinceofDimnessNotnamelite
    • 292
    • RETWEETS
    bkdcaseyNamelessCynicdanielle_0827adal_heidisjpuncholosolommbdeleezejustbark
    thejodiestdaemonic3
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Don't regret past mistakes. All of your decisions, good and bad, led you to where you are today.

    Disregard this if you are in prison.

    • 339
    • FAVS
    YoungMajor99littletoughonenorb2257ReemsDrfabiananna15AlanCSangafunnweaverbeingtheo
    • 346
    • RETWEETS
    shywolfe1EkachDonMSWard52AjiaolayinkaAlanCSangaKinjDawcheka254njagfl
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought, that's the last thing I need.

    • 453
    • FAVS
    ISOremarkablekumailrSerwatKhursheedbelalmahfoozshakes31471SchMaaagssimongrafPrancing_Donkey
    • 191
    • RETWEETS
    AtiyaAbbasBadGluteusAsNr80becca_skirvinsimongrafroxaroodw318jmitchmax_grudowski
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    "Lunchables" is a good name because it doesn't make any grandiose claims: "This is able to be eaten as lunch."

    • 498
    • FAVS
    emmatheistOhTurdFergussenawkwarddestineethe_anastasiacowabungabuttsCharltteWoltersJakeDatenoVerifiedDrunk
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    OhTurdFergussenlynklaternoirhaikuBookishSlackerOhighIsismidnitesocFingers_of_FuryStefanieanie
    jeanieville
  • JohnLyonTweets
      John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

    Movie idea: Family moves into haunted house; ghosts appear; family too busy staring at phones to notice; ghosts leave in disgust.

    • 443
    • FAVS
    PressOneForNoGarageGlamourgianni_bcniloveskyrim71DestineyLynndzacharandaiRdnucarpKimgee8
    • 184
    • RETWEETS
    fawmaster69gianni_bcnDestineyLynncarlielynccnomadGinaBecker111Tisilkiner1Funeralwoman
    DallyDoll
@JohnLyonTweets

@JohnLyonTweets

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