I wish I owned a harp so I could invoke a dream sequence at will.

I tried to turn myself into a vampire by capturing a bat and making it bite me now I have rabies and I think I'm still human. #fml

Yes! - Why is Coffee Good For You? Here Are 7 Reasons  http://pulse.me/s/iLHlQ  via @popsci

I think I'm gonna get an @timduffy tattoo.

@badmoney883 mine is @hersheysquirtz

There's always money in the banana stand.

I don't have any pictures of him. #timduffythursday  http://instagr.am/p/Sn4FI2lo6c/ 

So, the guy that signed Oasis, My Bloody Valentine and Jesus and Mary Chain, among others, just contacted my band Colour.

@bukowskisheir “@nyrangers: Join us tomorrow night for Game 1 Viewing Parties @stoutbarnyc to meet #NYR Alums, get giveaways & more!”

For all you Daft Punks...  https://soundcloud.com/iamjasonalexander-1/sets/the-madd-wikkids-brassft-punk …

There should be rules against eating fish in an office. Especially when 6 people decide to have it at once.

RT @badmoney883 // @johnspo I'll be posting on Facebook soon so keep an eye out // great!

Kim Jong Un: Can you nuke this for me?
Kim Jong Un: I meant the Lean Cuisine.

@thereal_lenny @mikepcostello awesome game

@jenremauro You're a cyber bully

@badmoney883 7 Ways to Crank Out More Pull Ups  http://pulse.me/s/h9yjP 

Social Media is pretty boring today

@karlwithak_ your mustache is bitchin' dude.

Waking up early on your days off is the new staying out late on work nights when you're in your 30's.

@challahatyrgirl and the fact that you've just tweeted more in the last ten minutes than you did in the rest of 2012.