Is the only difference between a basic Jew and a Hasidic Jew their pH levels?

Actually, if clouds are 100% water then am I 60% cloud?

Have been politely asked to turn down my music because apparently it's "frowned upon" to play Ol' Dirty Bastard loudly from my hospital bed.

@coffeys Happy birthday, hope Katchoo got you a great present!

Not the krokant kake! Literally my favorite Ikea desert has fecal bacteria in it. Meah shit happens.  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21676069 …

@scully1888  http://www.howstuffworks.com/first-down-line.htm …

My celebration for getting into med-school has been assembly a loads of IKEA. Fine by me, I got like 50 tiny pencils and Swedish meatballs.

@san_the_sly ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)

Noel Fielding's sitting next to me at a café. He's really really enjoying his coffee. He keeps going mmm like some caffeine addled cow.

Only about twenty Greek supporters have actually turned up making me wonder if we've extended our general strike to football fans.

@fdogg100 Just tried it with the hot sauce, Uberfacts talks shit.

@bennib Awesome, you'll finally be Jimmy Savile's preferred vintage of child.

#ReasonsIFailAtBeingAGirl When I make milkshakes I wait for the boys to arrive at my yard. They never do.

@wraffah Cool course, are you enjoying it?

Doing a car boot sale calls for making my own entertainment: http://t.co/logYZb1p

@snoopdogg Smoking a fat Alaskan salmon #puffpuffpasstuesdays

@bennib Lewes is well know as a center of papier-mâché excellence. Fact.

@bennib I never asked about your results Ben. Did you manage to get the Grades you need to get into primary school?

Catch and release http://t.co/gWUGw3o5

A really old guy, wearing speedos, is sitting next to me on the beach reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Never been more scared in my life.