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  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    The "Slow Children Playing" signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?

    • 534
    • FAVS
    FakeDeanAccountstephhoward7SamuelHLoweVice_QueenkatewajdaJazzzzzminajimdoyallacrossemom5
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    SamuelHLoweblack_billymaysChelseaTN5JazzzzzminaDearAbbySimonjimdoyalSolelyBblackstruan
    CVTBabylvvzz
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.

    • 408
    • FAVS
    OH_GAWD_OF_FUNKVice_QueenFoolSpeakembrock05U_LookedwatsoashJazzzzzminamelodremmatic
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    OH_GAWD_OF_FUNKJazzzzzminaglamerizemeadamMaui_Speakslorigonzalez28Jjkinky49JeffUsetobeabastardLoriLuvsShoes
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    The person who said change is inevitable obviously didn't use this vending machine.

    • 285
    • FAVS
    nancyhoffnerOH_GAWD_OF_FUNKDemeterDragongirl_a_whirlsummers_sonnyGodBlessAchoohbreaker9999Sweet_SueZ
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    OH_GAWD_OF_FUNKgirl_a_whirlsummers_sonnySweet_SueZdavid_tullDeurb1ShelShockYouRobLikesToYell
    Arroia
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Lady, the way you drive I can only assume that the stick figures on your minivan signify the number of people you hit.

    • 280
    • FAVS
    Vice_Queenthe_anastasiaGeneral54321thegatekeeper50TruNonsensehbreaker9999Sweet_SueZjaysjoker
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    thegatekeeper50TruNonsenseSweet_SueZdavid_tullKathy_Zemanvinfurykgbkyle420SolelyB
    renojenn__________
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    So Neil Armstrong passes and Snooki goes into labor. Possibly the most horrifying example yet of one door closes, another opens.

    • 96
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueenSweet_SueZjannable9david_tullsquirrel74wkgnJyrkkanenKjvinfurysmhall152
    • 215
    • RETWEETS
    Sweet_SueZvinfuryMoe_Lee_hbreaker9999Chisa_aloha420kellydaemonic3IllNeverBe
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    I just hope I never encounter the sheep responsible for steel wool.

    • 198
    • FAVS
    perhapssomedayAK_wifeyjust_me_82852amandajpandamercyraintreesjs_coSweet_SueZjannable9
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    perhapssomedayTypoDynamofoamandajpandahannahbelle_blusjs_coIreneGutnikovMoe_Lee_Hypercraxy
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Maybe today is a good day to try that quiet desperation I've heard so much about.

    • 201
    • FAVS
    unFinishdObjectSweet_SueZjannable9david_tullJohnLyonTweetsbeccafacexosquirrel74wkgnzero3_benz
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Moe_Lee_david_tullzero3_benzhbreaker9999CVTBabyolievlwendyraepearcerachellinfox______
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    More people are killed by donkeys than plane crashes. But if your pilot is a donkey you may have reason to be concerned.

    • 190
    • FAVS
    just_me_82852OutofmyIndyheadKnobstradamusandyfwhiteJohnLyonTweetsbeccafacexosquirrel74wkgnzero3_benz
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    TypoDynamofoMoe_Lee_JohnLyonTweetshbreaker9999thebearcatdanTheDairylandDonCanadianCynElao256
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    So far, too much day and too little hump.

    • 169
    • FAVS
    the_anastasiathegatekeeper50cynthia2684unFinishdObjectepiphany1978squirrel74wkgnSolelyBzero3_benz
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    thegatekeeper50epiphany1978Moe_Lee_RLopez617MkjkfitzgeraldAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Kanye says his relationship with Kim is like Romeo & Juliet. Surprisingly good news since we all know how that worked out.

    • 106
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueenBlkMambaforealkristilynnnnRashi_96eTHEgoddess2jaydidmacsawzeJEPSULL
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    Moe_Lee_kristilynnnnomardeganteCDAT6carlyme23Ch8rmingSirCasioKL7000bitchkrieg
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    How cute; Twitter has 140 employees. And I thought I had OCD issues.

    • 153
    • FAVS
    Vice_Queensquirrel74wkgnSolelyBzero3_benzarmyantstudiosdcarsoncLorieGZwendyraepearce
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    hbreaker9999PrecociousLil____liketheTEATylerStillsbusynessNitainoMitchBurkeaharpaz
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Welcome to 09-09-09, or as our German friends say, "No, No, No!"

    • 163
    • FAVS
    squirrel74wkgnzero3_benzSolelyBLorieGZArroia_Mo_lee_frk_mariahadafewbeers
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    Samaad_AhmedMoe_Lee_hbreaker9999lishybee__________FredendilAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Recent news suggests that Facebook contributes to divorce due to "inappropriate sexual chats". Apparently, I'm SO doing FB wrong.

    • 153
    • FAVS
    allthingspoeticVice_Queensquirrel74wkgnSolelyBzero3_benzthedaisycomplexwendyraepearceArroia
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    Samaad_AhmedMoe_Lee_yalsI_nosnikdoHVice_Queenzero3_benzhbreaker9999wendyraepearcewhatitis112
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Wow; what a surprise. Movie theater popcorn is unhealthy. In related news: water is wet.

    • 149
    • FAVS
    justchristal2_Mins_HateVice_QueenRobLikesToYellsquirrel74wkgnHD222222SolelyBzero3_benz
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    asianlizardSamaad_AhmedMoe_Lee_squirrel74wkgnzero3_benzhbreaker9999wendyraepearceskybri69__________
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    This is what happens when you populate a jury with people not smart enough to get out of jury duty.

    • 121
    • FAVS
    buffalodoctorSolelyBzero3_benzArroia_Mo_lee_frk_mariaToy_A101hadafewbeers
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    Samaad_AhmedjustchristalMoe_Lee_zero3_benzhbreaker9999dgasparettifavstar1000favstop_tw_funny
    DDDBU____________snarkanoid
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Finally got a follow from a porn bot. I was beginning to worry that they thought I wasn't interested.

    • 136
    • FAVS
    buffalodoctor2_Mins_HateVice_Queendavid_tullSolelyBzero3_benzwendyraepearceArroia
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    Moe_Lee_david_tullzero3_benzhbreaker9999favstar1000favsFredendilAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Although not available here, In-N-Out Burgers sounds to me like porno. I'll have to be satisfied by Five Guys. That doesn't sound right.

    • 127
    • FAVS
    david_tullSolelyBzero3_benzdcarsoncArroia_Mo_lee_hadafewbeerslorlorlori________
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    david_tullzero3_benzhbreaker9999CaptainFadeawayGQatHUfavstar1000favsEdithMacrotchFredendil
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Only 4% of the population is on Twitter. If those numbers go up, we're going to need a bigger whale.

    • 126
    • FAVS
    david_tullSolelyBzero3_benzhbreaker9999LorieGZArroia_Mo_lee_Toy_A101
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    GQatHUMariusMeyerfavstar1000favsAvatar_unknown_48
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Why don't they just make Waldo wear one of those GPS tracking ankle bracelets to save us all the drama of finding him?

    • 114
    • FAVS
    david_tullbeccafacexoSolelyBzero3_benzwendyraepearceArroiahadafewbeersStumpWoodley
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    zero3_benzhbreaker9999lorlorlori________SuperFluffSaysfavstar1000favscryankenCanadianCynAvatar_unknown_48
  • John_M15
      John M @John_M15

    Thanks for including "get off elevator" in Hospital directions. Because I actually though diagnostic procedures took place on elevator.

    • 117
    • FAVS
    SolelyBzero3_benzLorieGZwendyraepearceArroia_Mo_lee_Toy_A101hadafewbeers
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    hbreaker9999JoyKnowsfavstar1000favsAvatar_unknown_48
@John_M15

@John_M15

I've been meaning to change this; maybe tomorrow. (memo to self: include procrastination as a hobby in new bio)