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I just hope I never encounter the sheep responsible for steel wool.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
Lady, the way you drive I can only assume that the stick figures on your minivan signify the number of people you hit.
The person who said change is inevitable obviously didn't use this vending machine.
So Neil Armstrong passes and Snooki goes into labor. Possibly the most horrifying example yet of one door closes, another opens.
Saw an article on Facebook that a local bank was robbed. It had one like. They should probably look at that person as the robbery suspect.
More people are killed by donkeys than plane crashes. But if your pilot is a donkey you may have reason to be concerned.
Kanye says his relationship with Kim is like Romeo & Juliet. Surprisingly good news since we all know how that worked out.
Maybe today is a good day to try that quiet desperation I've heard so much about.
So far, too much day and too little hump.
How cute; Twitter has 140 employees. And I thought I had OCD issues.
Recent news suggests that Facebook contributes to divorce due to "inappropriate sexual chats". Apparently, I'm SO doing FB wrong.
Wow; what a surprise. Movie theater popcorn is unhealthy. In related news: water is wet.
Welcome to 09-09-09, or as our German friends say, "No, No, No!"
This is what happens when you populate a jury with people not smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Once again Rick Perry puts The Onion's ability to write ridiculous headlines to shame.
Finally got a follow from a porn bot. I was beginning to worry that they thought I wasn't interested.
Although not available here, In-N-Out Burgers sounds to me like porno. I'll have to be satisfied by Five Guys. That doesn't sound right.
Only 4% of the population is on Twitter. If those numbers go up, we're going to need a bigger whale.
I've been meaning to change this; maybe tomorrow. (memo to self: include procrastination as a hobby in new bio)
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