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Friends: 1,176
Followers: 1,067
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@John_M15's (John Melhorn) most faved Tweets...
John_M15
The "Slow Children Playing" signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
@John_M15
John_M15
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
@John_M15
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John_M15
Maybe today is a good day to try that quiet desperation I've heard so much about.
@John_M15
John_M15
The person who said change is inevitable obviously didn't use this vending machine.
@John_M15
John_M15
Welcome to 09-09-09, or as our German friends say, "No, No, No!"
@John_M15
John_M15
Finally got a follow from a porn bot. I was beginning to worry that they thought I wasn't interested.
@John_M15
John_M15
Thanks for including "get off elevator" in Hospital directions. Because I actually though diagnostic procedures took place on elevator.
@John_M15
John_M15
Recent news suggests that Facebook contributes to divorce due to "inappropriate sexual chats". Apparently, I'm SO doing FB wrong.
@John_M15
John_M15
I just hope I never encounter the sheep responsible for steel wool.
@John_M15
John_M15
Michael Vick to join The Eagles? Not sure how Don Henley will feel about that.
@John_M15
John_M15
Wow; what a surprise. Movie theater popcorn is unhealthy. In related news: water is wet.
@John_M15
John_M15
I'm hardly a complete idiot; my hard fought commitment to mediocrity prevents that.
@John_M15
John_M15
How cute; Twitter has 140 employees. And I thought I had OCD issues.
@John_M15
John_M15
The wife wants to know why I don't tweet about cute puppy dogs and family stuff. Clearly she's confusing Twitter and Facebook.
@John_M15
John_M15
The frenzy over impending snow reminds me: Snow is like sex. It never pays to worry about how much you are getting or how long it lasts.
@John_M15
John_M15
"Sextoys is now following you on Twitter". So I guess that means any sudden stops would be ill-advised?
@John_M15
John_M15
Netflix says The Hangover will arrive tomorrow, I guess this means I need to buy more alcohol.
@John_M15
John_M15
Sir; for the record, the proper answer to "What size are you looking for?" is NOT "she's got big 'ol titties".
@John_M15
John_M15
I SO wish that I could hear the name Black Eyed Peas correctly. I always hear Black Guy Pees.
@John_M15
John_M15
I've always been disappointed that not a single financial institution has the guts to give out t-shirts saying "Jesus Saves".
@John_M15
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