Girls love to be scanned expertly, quickly, efficiently and thoroughly. But you'll never be quicker than they are at spotting you doing it.

As you meet for the first time she'll have weighed you up and formed a first impression in milliseconds, in perfect secrecy. Your move.

It's all fun and games with twitter crushes until she kidnaps you, ties you up and gags you, then tells you silly clever jokes all night.

Sometimes two parents together can fuck you up way worse than divorced parents.

Look, favstar freaks, I star some of my own tweets cos I don't know where else to stash them, alright? #totallyfuckinguselessatadmin

So I'm obsessed with sex huh? Try and read my TL impassively, matey. Not my fault.

Let me give you a hand with that identity you're struggling with.

The favstar bonus thing, it seems to me, tends to turn tweeting into a school competition, rather than people connecting cos they want to.

Oh it's fun this: get unfollowed here, get followed there. Doesn't alter my direction. Just theirs.

A lot of ppl coming out now like, "what, favstar matters? pffft!"

What's not to live for in Twitter? There's birth and growth and love and pain and war and peace and death .. what's that? Sex? Ah, erm. Noo

At my school we didn't have a drug problem really. Not after someone discovered how to buy bottles of clinically pure ether.

Should we behave? Hell no - it's about being individual humans, rather than pre-configured zomboid creep-assed saddo hollowed-out fucktards.

"Stop with that meaningful shit. Just stop. Alright? Any more and I'll prolly unfollow, even block you." ~ Memo to self.

When you're going to the shops and all the while you're composing tweets in your head - that's bad, right? I mean, really, really bad?

Real life is far from real for most people, most of the time. The lens of fantasy and myth keeps us from the grievous truths of existence.

*unfollows* the moron who shoved a dickpic avi in my TL.

"Thanks for falling over at peak times, Twitter." ~ Google plus.

My TL suggests it's true - on twitter, women's periods sync up.

Oh let's all get ourselves unicorn dates and marry our twitter crushes and live in absolutely fucking nowhere-in-this-universe lala land.