Single again: either getting better or worse at this.

That awkward moment when you're right to a strangely accurate degree, even when you wish you weren't.

@gingersouffle only trumped by that awkward moment where you ask someone when the baby is due and they aren't expecting...

Has spent the night in a darkened bar hitting on anything with a high pitched voice.

They promised Jones a night with Beyonce if he could make a touchdown happen in the new 20 seconds

Get Justin Timberlake on stage so we can get more show

@bartonlorimor dang'ol man Dang'ol football thrown in dang'ol mang hut hut dang'ol man football. #boomhouer

You win this round, world of warcraft

Watching 1938 Robin Hood. Every few minutes I quietly whisper "like a boss" to Errol Flynn.

I like misdirection, it creates interesting pockets of truth.

@llvvzz I date women of all cup sizes! #equalopportunity :P

Mowed my parents lawn. Three hours later, I feel 14 and smell like grass.

You don't have the heart to tell me. I don't have the heart to admit I already know.

That awkward moment where you never get it right for that person you care about, no matter how much you want to. #failure

Seriously considering Red Apple today. Withdrawal symptoms!

So wait. Romans to hip-hop dancers to cheerleaders to marching band to religious? What. The. Fuck.

@halfjewhalfmisc As long as it's not racist graffiti :(

@canadian_jane Next up: National Geographics!

@lcm1986 Your like the MIlano cookie when everyone else is Chips Ahoy :( Classy but too expensive for most concubines

@tyrhondasaurus Use the opportunity to try swapping over to the überman sleep schedule: 20 minute naps every few hours and that's IT.