When asking Siri for directions, make sure your friends aren't screaming at eachother.  http://instagr.am/p/VSSLROl6xi/ 

Does anybody need to commit fraud? Here's a retweeter that helps you out. idiots that post pics of their cards @needadebitcard #DumbKids

Romney talks in Political MadLibs.

pointing out that the new Wes Anderson movie looks like a Wes Anderson movie is like being surprised a girl with bangs plays the ukelele

A letter from @louisck about tonights SNL  http://tmblr.co/ZedObyWY8Hhh 

Romney said "I believe in America." Considering what else he believes in I'm starting to question if our country even exists.

Can somebody make a skate park for guys 30 and older that don't want to skate in front of kids.

LMFAO: because music doesn't have to be good at all anymore.

Photo: Today I am getting married to the raddest person I’ve ever met in my entire life.  http://tmblr.co/ZedObyjfiuvb 

MEGADETH frontman DAVE MUSTAINE recently backed Rick Santorum for president. Cool! I can finally stop pretending to like MEGADETH

Pro Gun advocates will say that it's a case for mental health. but, I bet you they'd also vote against gov healthcare programs that'd help

We, as individual civilian citizens, should not be allowed to own guns. We don't need them. If you're a hunter, find a new fucking hobby.

being healthy isn't as fun as being drunk

It's crazy when Obama is both standing AND in that empty chair.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was a pop-shove-it onto a rail into a darkside tailslide down 20 steps landing in a manual.

Why are we talking about ONE athlete coming out as a homosexual? We've all known for a while that sports are pretty gay.

Lindsay Lohan is making a career out of attempting a comeback.

TWITTER: Read about all your friends hanging out without you. INSTAGRAM: See all your friends hanging out without you.

I think I'm racist towards old white dudes, thanks for that realization, Romney.

Romney must be using THE SECRET "WHEN I'm president of the united states". Yeah, bro. PUT IT ON YOUR VISION BOARD!