Last night I dreamed of a tiger that would greet people by very gently taking one of their hands in its mouth.

God forbid everyone's phones can use the same chargers.

My deepest, darkest fantasy -- in which I have never indulged! -- is to eat french fries until I do not want to eat french fries any longer.

Turns out poodles love noodles.

If you've ever seen something and said "Wow, whoever made this has too much time on their hands", I don't think I want to be your friend.

"My favorite drinking game is called 'Drinking Is Not A Punishment,' and you play it by taking a drink whenever you goddamn feel like it."

Leah just said the best thing after I played a trick on her: "People think you're a nice person! You're not a nice person!"

You put the right leg in; you put the right leg out. You put the right leg in, and you shake it all about.

"Cat becomes angry when its potato is misplaced" Yes, internet video. I will watch you.

Got to play with a friend's Droid last night, and it is one sexy phone. (No robo.)

Had to wait outside the internet this morning so I could send my email right when it opened.

@laineydiamond Hey, I forgot to tell you but Ahoy Booty was incredible. PS I saw this and thought of you  http://ow.ly/hITKf 

"I've put IUDs in two people on this dance floor. At least." -Leah

@ryanqnorth Hold... on. Hold it right there. The concept of puppens/kuppies is going to take a few solid days of contemplation.

The IMDb "Memorable Quotes" page for _The_Princess_Bride_ is basically the entire script out of order.

Farmers Market stalls: please be careful when attempting cutesy/creative spellings of the word "country".

"We shouldn't be back too late. It's fine if you want to have some friends over, but no parties. And NO BOYS." - me, to the dog

Now you're just some bunny that I used to know.

...chagrinning from ear to ear.

Buying 8 feet of chain at the hardware store, it's tempting: "I don't need a bag; I'll just wear it out."