“my standard dating advice is "drink some fucking whiskey & go to a karaoke bar & take whats yours" how am i not a matchmaker”-@sbellelauren

"My Toms and Skinny Jeans say 'Silver Lake' but my credit and ability to hold employment say 'Santa Monica'" - [redacted], mocking me

Remember, the founders had the same armament as the oppressors. Now, governments have things that can shoot you from space.

I am coining "NIL" Instead of ending your backhanded internet remarks with "Just sayin', Lol" use: "NIL" [Nervous Internet Laughter]

Such a friendly town http://twitpic.com/3z5u9f

I had forgotten how great Bonnie Tyler is for driving (THANKS LICD!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBwS66EBUcY

Dear all women, make it a point to recreate the Marilyn Monroe playboy picture set for your boyfriend/husband whilst you are young.

Life lesson: Cartoons in the New Yorker are like New Yorkers in general, Unfunny and self important

@orphananni1978 "wanna change that?"
These and other things you just opened yourself up for on twitter.

@thirdguy So your man the D. Chopra was on Wait Wait Don't Tell me-- how do your insides feel?

@mxrk "Hey, Youtube, why can't I view this 240p video?"
"Because... you have bad bandwith"
"I have a fibre line"
"Yeeeaaaahhh ummm"

fuck you, youtube load balancer
-nearly denizen of the internet

@thetweetofgod @orphananni1978 Sigh.....

Nothing sounds as nice as a pint glass hitting a table.

Peter the Great executed his wife's lover, then forced her to keep her lover's head in a jar of alcohol in her bedroom. via @discovery_news

@thirdguy Hear me in all my frenetic fever high pitch voice'd glory.

 http://www.marketplace.org/topics/economy/after-all-those-foreclusures-not-so-many-houses-sale …

@thirdguy so...having been interviewed by public radio-- this is a good idea.

God, I am debating between a subaru and a volvo wagon.
When did I wake up and become a liberal arts women's studies professor?

@mxrk I often debate if it is better to type (EOM) at the end of the subject to avoid gmail bitching at me or clicking "yeah, good 'nuff"

@mxrk Thank you for helping us help you help us all.