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  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    I jerked off to Poison for almost a year before I found out they were dudes. And then for like another 3 months.

    • 2,836
    • FAVS
    Cshift3WarWithMyMindHandsomeJerkatie_1002baaaayleeeeyvalzhoganvivalacrapschergerbear27
    • 1,491
    • RETWEETS
    gbobinacanadian_egg__IrishDonkeyKilgore_StudgeFrequent__Flyerwjfrittslexbeansmallnutrition
    Henry_3kFudgeRobotAllTheUglyTruthArrowsOfTheSun101RaceyHelmdawgEgristle_kissesrevenge_tanukisShrinkMediaXalqeeJorDAMN_CelebrityChezDonnie_FairburnarmyVet1972MarcusOreally__BillArrundalebitchkrieg________ThisAlexStein10InchesPlusDong_Hangereric10FVodkaShorebirdmewritesgoodHrBrynicfit75rossbransonu_jellicentiLightbulb________jgantleyb00bjizzLectorCaveo______SeanX3ashleycremdugornotweinerdog4lifeWeirdHerald
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Twitter: If she looks thin, she's fat; If she looks fat, she's funny; If she looks hot, she's a dude; If he's a dude, he's unemployed.

    • 1,466
    • FAVS
    Jay1972JayKentWGrahamDannilynnAdaniel_frijolesBahstonladyChickenFrecklezMarkAFuqua_HuntLutherGKnight
    • 858
    • RETWEETS
    Jay1972Jaydaniel_frijolesBahstonladyLutherGKnightmukeshathulpii_kekarlainvtNotPeterStark
    LockherupRNcirclejokesThe_MentalysttheanonymusoneBearslietoo______TheMongoose69cupcakelyndarevenge_tanukisKingPatrick24
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Listen, bro, Karma Chameleon is gonna be turned up pretty loud, so you're gonna need to shout your safe word.

    • 1,524
    • FAVS
    BahstonladyChickenFrecklezBbreadladyKatarinaFoMarkAFuqua_HuntdarrrkstarrrFaircyMagicSenseiTanaka1
    • 798
    • RETWEETS
    ihatedcatfoodBahstonladyBbreadladyMarkAFuqua_HuntdarrrkstarrrUncleKermitMindofLogan847basedcoachkush
    michaelpathHollyMemphisDong_HangerKalvinMacleodTitansHomermllebeckyroseNinjaFuneral______ChazballparkarmyVet1972sususudafed__VodkaShorebirdMyRedHairIsRealAdamUrbane________reddishunicornDana_Brunoveinarmorchrisviccaro
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    My signature move is rolling down the window and reminding my wife to get me a Kit Kat after she's done pumping the gas.

    • 1,300
    • FAVS
    Zombie_TwilightKentWGrahamBahstonladyChickenFrecklezSDPlissken1MadamBetteNoireUncleBob56kwinrodriguez
    • 690
    • RETWEETS
    NinjaSweatpantsBahstonladyfavstar_historyUncleBob56youcantbeMissTDaleIncKeeleyDenisarMarkAFuqua_Hunt
    TheWadestCM2BTTHDDong_HangerSeanX3aneesa_pChiefTwittlerdaemonic3sunexplodeCelebrityChezDre_77___________EvilPandaX
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Um. Hello? It’s morning. You can leave now... Mom’s not making breakfast for three..

    • 1,301
    • FAVS
    Zombie_TwilightBahstonladyChickenFrecklezTheSuperParentsMadamBetteNoirefunnybeachgirlMarkAFuqua_HuntTheWadest
    • 656
    • RETWEETS
    OverRitzBahstonladyUncleBob56CandiZNMarkAFuqua_Hunt240bortythetoddviAmDelFreaky
    RockendenChazballparkJosesLovesYouGirlwithAIDSWonderMonkey78UrbanDouchebagmichaeljdawsonsquashguy15Minden6
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Chillin' outside KMart with a soft pretzel and slushie. Bitches be eyin' my shit...

    • 1,222
    • FAVS
    BahstonladyChickenFrecklezBridgetMamacitaiMikosnycHabbibtiA_gligsDawn_M_shanersun
    • 567
    • RETWEETS
    Habbibtigrigsby_larryKylo_Stylo_9537Tmoney68UncleBob56NotPeterStarkNo_tact_heremanuelmoeg
    BlACk__ThRoaTmilehighocdcpabryBearslietoo______krazy313hunter__VodkaShorebirdJiminyKicksItjeffreyvanclea1ShaunRightNow
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Watching the toilet water reach the rim but get sucked back down before overflowing is probably a lot like skydiving or going outside.

    • 1,157
    • FAVS
    BahstonladyChickenFrecklezthrill713BridgetMamacitacollapsing_starHabbibtithomasakaobamazolboo88
    • 564
    • RETWEETS
    thrill713HabbibtiMrCahalanUncleBob56DJnVerve_BekahMarkAFuqua_HuntTheWadestNotPeterStark
    HeyJennyConwaySonnyPisanotylerisajokejoeljeffreyAnonymousTrophy__ThisAlexSteinmewritesgoodMikeCanRant
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    If I'm wearing Jordache jeans, you know I'm on fuck patrol.

    • 1,224
    • FAVS
    richbird4UncleKermitBahstonladyChickenFrecklezTheWadestScoobdooblesDoneEffedUpLeprechaunGang
    • 495
    • RETWEETS
    UncleKermitScoobdooblesVicFuture__chiweethedogNotPeterStarkNo_tact_hereheidics__Zora_d_1991
    bourbonmelikeyBob_HellerDong_HangerSternoShotslawyerthoughtsRomoForTheWin____VodkaShorebirdShaunRightNowDurtMcHurtt
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    My signature move is saying, "I'm so ashamed of myself" with a mouthful of food.

    • 944
    • FAVS
    UncleKermitBahstonladysarahplegicChickenFrecklezTheSuperParentsRyzing07DeerjerkyumUncleBob56
    • 516
    • RETWEETS
    UncleKermitsarahplegicChickenFrecklezUncleBob56MarkAFuqua_HuntNotPeterStarkNo_tact_hereemortle__
    McNarstleNervousJrThisAlexSteinCpt_Burnout
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    When I'm not rejecting some prime pussy, I'm flashing my debit card around the dollar store.

    • 1,033
    • FAVS
    Bob_JankeFrustrateMyLove__TheeHeatherPrayRobHughesComedyUncleKermitcactibeachsmaccersBahstonlady
    • 426
    • RETWEETS
    FrustrateMyLove__richbird4UncleKermitsmaccersNotPeterStarkNo_tact_hereSickayduhquietlybiased
    VodkaShorebirdJimmySelfDestgoodersuk74______bitchkrieg________Debaucherony__iLightbulb________CYComedyShaunRightNowTitansHomerMikeCanRant
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    I can only assume that each time Maroon 5 and Matchbox 20 members pass eachother in a hotel lobby, they all crouch and start snapping.

    • 946
    • FAVS
    UncleKermitBahstonladyMarkAFuqua_HuntTheWadestEric_NikiforovtanialunrealROTTYpcwildblondebomb
    • 461
    • RETWEETS
    UncleKermityoucantbeMissTMarkAFuqua_HuntROTTYpcjojomon43SpinnersNSaintsEliiiiTatCRCDLDTHSPD
    kentgrossarthclemwin__________nonosimprovBuzzRolledmeaganbb1________kyle_thatisallahoytheboat______mabuis______________
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    I've got 99 problems and most of them centered around portion control and lack of exercise.

    • 880
    • FAVS
    BahstonladyMsSScandal__lynnmbessingerMarkAFuqua_HuntNotPeterStarkTheGrimKingNo_tact_herequietlybiased
    • 490
    • RETWEETS
    OverRitzMsSScandal__MarkAFuqua_HuntNotPeterStarkNo_tact_hereMark_W_Taylorjaq_burkepdxjohnny99
    Not_From_TroySparkCityComedyDBMaxP
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Hate to do this, need a transplant and pretty important I get one soon. Putting this out there if you want to donate:  http://patients.transplants.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=485635&lis=1&supId=375313393&patientPID=16123 

    • 527
    • FAVS
    NotPeterStarkquietlybiasedrawwwwwwwwwwrrrd2BMcG__minafisheyespeeznutsTheKenyan_yup_its_me_m__
    • 757
    • RETWEETS
    BlackCuntFaceramasindgenicarbyMCaparco__PAT_E_ROCKmcvey_tracyAphroditeBfore5__HappyHijabbi
    doublewenis______THEINBREDCAT______TheRealAnchovyCpin42MustBeBobby______bobbyblossomsCYComedyFamousMikeMinden6armyVet1972DurtMcHurttjunejuly12MikeCanRantTitansHomerim_not_smug______
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    I remember when Instagram used to be the nickname for a reliable coke dealer.

    • 868
    • FAVS
    zorgodchrismerrillBahstonladyDeerjerkyumtgspecialUncleBob56NotPeterStarkTheGrimKing
    • 411
    • RETWEETS
    liquidlimeyouareawrongunBobbyNeil79chrismerrillBahstonladyUncleBob56NotPeterStarkNo_tact_here
    ToneLoOnTheGoSCOOPISMSYesitsAl
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Public pools: The Walmart that doesn't make you wear a shirt.

    • 833
    • FAVS
    BahstonladyLerbsyCherbsNotPeterStarkCVTBabyTheGrimKingNo_tact_hereBeeBoggleuvanianaidoo
    • 381
    • RETWEETS
    NotPeterStarkNo_tact_hereuvanianaidoo_SetTheHook_SickayduhRobbySpankmepdxjohnny99TheWadest
    ThisAlexSteincuntsiclesTitansHomer
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Found my wife's big Black back massager under our bed... He said he was fixing the box spring.

    • 741
    • FAVS
    BahstonladyNotPeterStarkCVTBabyTheGrimKingNo_tact_hereglassforbatsflywestBeeBoggle
    • 294
    • RETWEETS
    NotPeterStarkNo_tact_hereBeeBoggleSickayduhboab15aLLiSTeRBaNTeRquietlybiasedBangMyBongo
    Tuna_Lover
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    My safe word is "This feels kinda gay"

    • 637
    • FAVS
    CPSX10UncleKermitFrankieTheAngelFyNghalonandyfwhitecactibeachsmaccersLMills_
    • 326
    • RETWEETS
    UncleKermitfavstar_historyFlyJ_smaccersBlindVigilVicFuture__MethShartozzie31220
    KizerBillhelm
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    My friends, Ive accepted a liver offer and am headed for prep. I just want to send a thank you to all who donated, sent well-wishes and

    • 702
    • FAVS
    LerbsyCherbsNotPeterStarkNo_tact_herepdxjohnny99d2BMcG__minafisheyesScrambledMceggsgrizzlied
    • 246
    • RETWEETS
    NotPeterStarkpdxjohnny99d2BMcG__ScrambledMceggsgrizzliedPAT_E_ROCKRobertAndEdnaPaperWash
    TitansHomernonsensetwit______Sparksy_NurseMurdererRomoForTheWin____Bearslietoo______MikeCanRantmichaelpathSternoShotsBoltneck55________
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    "Is THIS your card!" - Hallmark sales clerk every time David Blaine comes in.

    • 655
    • FAVS
    OverRitzNotPeterStarkdogwillhunt22UnIxphyscoNo_tact_herequietlybiasedUnseenTouch__pdxjohnny99
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    Wolv_RNNotPeterStarkdogwillhunt22UnIxphyscoNo_tact_hereRobbySpankmepdxjohnny99d2BMcG__
    DaddyWithIssuesJimmywibbles______Brianhopecomedy
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    I like to pick up male hitchhikers and, after a brief exchange of pleasantries, fall silent & play WHAM!'s "Careless Whisper" on a loop.

    • 622
    • FAVS
    SondraDeeMejuneohara65BoxingChuckImAFavstarCuntIrishVinaap71GaspingJoggerDFranklinkfdx
    • 268
    • RETWEETS
    juneohara65BoxingChuckIrishVinSpanishFlightNotPeterStarkRobbySpankmepdxjohnny99d2BMcG__
    Sparksy_im_not_smug______SunnyNeutrino
@JournalismJunk

@JournalismJunk

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