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  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    I jerked off to Poison for almost a year before I found out they were dudes. And then for like another 3 months.

    • 2,840
    • FAVS
    lilooetCheshireBritjohngayseemeatballwizardCshift3WarWithMyMindHandsomeJerkatie_1002
    • 1,492
    • RETWEETS
    CheshireBritgbobinacanadian_egg__IrishDonkeyKilgore_StudgeFrequent__Flyerwjfrittslexbeans
    Henry_3kFudgeRobotAllTheUglyTruthArrowsOfTheSun101RaceyHelmdawgEgristle_kissesrevenge_tanukisShrinkMediaXalqeeJorDAMN_CelebrityChezDonnie_FairburnarmyVet1972MarcusOreally__BillArrundalebitchkrieg________ThisAlexStein10InchesPlusDong_Hangereric10FVodkaShorebirdmewritesgoodHrBrynicfit75rossbransonu_jellicent__iLightbulb________jgantleyb00bjizzLectorCaveo______seanscrapsashleycremdugornotweinerdog4lifeWeirdHerald
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Twitter: If she looks thin, she's fat; If she looks fat, she's funny; If she looks hot, she's a dude; If he's a dude, he's unemployed.

    • 1,470
    • FAVS
    NawtyMynxGooberforceJimmySelfDestSpaced_Cowboy00Jay1972JayKentWGrahamDannilynnAdaniel_frijoles
    • 863
    • RETWEETS
    NawtyMynxkspinks4485JimmySelfDestMobCalEsquireSpaced_Cowboy00Jay1972Jaydaniel_frijolesBahstonlady
    VodkaShorebirdLockherupRNcirclejokesThe_MentalysttheanonymusoneBearslietoo______TheMongoose69__cupcakelyndarevenge_tanukisKingPatrick24
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Listen, bro, Karma Chameleon is gonna be turned up pretty loud, so you're gonna need to shout your safe word.

    • 1,526
    • FAVS
    FuckedUpSunsetlilooetBahstonladyChickenFrecklezBbreadladyKatarinaFoMarkAFuqua_Huntdarrrkstarrr
    • 799
    • RETWEETS
    lilooetihatedcatfoodBahstonladyBbreadladyMarkAFuqua_HuntdarrrkstarrrUncleKermitMindofLogan847
    michaelpathHollyMemphisDong_HangerKalvinMacleodTitansHomermllebeckyroseNinjaFuneral______ChazballparkarmyVet1972sususudafed__VodkaShorebirdMyRedHairIsRealAdamUrbane________reddishunicornDana_Brunoveinarmor__chrisviccaro
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    My signature move is rolling down the window and reminding my wife to get me a Kit Kat after she's done pumping the gas.

    • 1,303
    • FAVS
    HRTSMRTNawtyMynxJimmySelfDestZombie_TwilightKentWGrahamBahstonladyChickenFrecklezSDPlissken1
    • 692
    • RETWEETS
    NawtyMynxJimmySelfDestNinjaSweatpantsBahstonladyfavstar_historyUncleBob56youcantbeMissTDaleInc
    TheWadestCM2BTTHDDong_Hangerseanscrapsaneesa_pChiefTwittlerdaemonic3sunexplodeCelebrityChezDre_77___________EvilPandaX
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Um. Hello? It’s morning. You can leave now... Mom’s not making breakfast for three..

    • 1,301
    • FAVS
    Zombie_TwilightBahstonladyChickenFrecklezTheSuperParentsMadamBetteNoirefunnybeachgirlMarkAFuqua_HuntTheWadest
    • 656
    • RETWEETS
    OverRitzBahstonladyUncleBob56CandiZNMarkAFuqua_Hunt240bortythetoddviAmDelFreaky
    nostaljarChazballparkJosesLovesYouGirlwithAIDSWonderMonkey78TimJohnishmichaeljdawsonsquashguy15Minden6
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Chillin' outside KMart with a soft pretzel and slushie. Bitches be eyin' my shit...

    • 1,224
    • FAVS
    NawtyMynxJimmySelfDestBahstonladyChickenFrecklezBridgetMamacitaiMikosnycHabbibtiA_gligs
    • 570
    • RETWEETS
    NawtyMynxkspinks4485JimmySelfDestHabbibtigrigsby_larryKylo_Tha_KidTmoney68UncleBob56
    BlACk__ThRoaTmilehighocdcpabryBearslietoo______krazy313hunter__VodkaShorebirdomarcheeriojeffreyvanclea1ShaunRightNow
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    If I'm wearing Jordache jeans, you know I'm on fuck patrol.

    • 1,234
    • FAVS
    BradyMFLP2eucemoose_gritsBooeyBombCountGripsnatchhoedeehoelilooetErinEph
    • 502
    • RETWEETS
    moose_gritsBooeyBombMcNarstleNawtyMynxCwAy_bckspinks4485JimmySelfDestUncleKermit
    bourbonmelikeyBob_HellerDong_HangerSternoShotslawyerthoughtsRomoForTheWin____VodkaShorebirdShaunRightNowDurtMcHurtt
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Watching the toilet water reach the rim but get sucked back down before overflowing is probably a lot like skydiving or going outside.

    • 1,160
    • FAVS
    NawtyMynxchappymanJimmySelfDestBahstonladyChickenFrecklezthrill713BridgetMamacitacollapsing_star
    • 567
    • RETWEETS
    NawtyMynxchappymanJimmySelfDestthrill713HabbibtiMrCahalanUncleBob56Bill_GeneInvest
    HeyJennyConwaySonnyPisanotylerisajokejoeljeffreyAnonymousTrophy__ThisAlexSteinmewritesgoodMikeCanRant
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    My signature move is saying, "I'm so ashamed of myself" with a mouthful of food.

    • 945
    • FAVS
    JimmySelfDestUncleKermitBahstonladysarahplegicChickenFrecklezTheSuperParentsRyzing07Deerjerkyum
    • 518
    • RETWEETS
    kspinks4485JimmySelfDestUncleKermitsarahplegicChickenFrecklezUncleBob56MarkAFuqua_HuntNotPeterStark__
    McNarstleNervousJrThisAlexSteinCpt_Burnout
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    When I'm not rejecting some prime pussy, I'm flashing my debit card around the dollar store.

    • 1,033
    • FAVS
    Bob_JankeFrustrateMyLove__TheeHeatherPrayRobHughesComedyUncleKermitcactibeachsmaccersBahstonlady
    • 426
    • RETWEETS
    FrustrateMyLove__richbird4UncleKermitsmaccersNotPeterStark__No_tact_hereSickayduhquietlybiased
    VodkaShorebirdJimmySelfDestgoodersuk74______bitchkrieg________Debaucherony__iLightbulb________CYComedyShaunRightNowTitansHomerMikeCanRant
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    I can only assume that each time Maroon 5 and Matchbox 20 members pass eachother in a hotel lobby, they all crouch and start snapping.

    • 947
    • FAVS
    JimmySelfDestUncleKermitBahstonladyMarkAFuqua_HuntTheWadestEric_NikiforovtanialunrealROTTYpc
    • 463
    • RETWEETS
    CwAy_bcJimmySelfDestUncleKermityoucantbeMissTMarkAFuqua_HuntROTTYpcjojomon43SpinnersNSaints
    kentgrossarthclemwin__________nonosimprovBuzzRolledmeaganbb1________kyle_thatisallahoytheboat______mabuis______________
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    I've got 99 problems and most of them centered around portion control and lack of exercise.

    • 884
    • FAVS
    deathtoscumbagsNawtyMynxKause187JimmySelfDestBahstonladyMsSScandal__lynnmbessingerMarkAFuqua_Hunt
    • 493
    • RETWEETS
    NawtyMynxVeetjie1JimmySelfDestOverRitzMsSScandal__MarkAFuqua_HuntNotPeterStark__No_tact_here
    Not_From_TroySparkCityComedyDBMaxP
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Hate to do this, need a transplant and pretty important I get one soon. Putting this out there if you want to donate:  http://patients.transplants.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=485635&lis=1&supId=375313393&patientPID=16123 

    • 527
    • FAVS
    NotPeterStark__quietlybiasedrawwwwwwwwwwrrrd2BMcG__minafisheyespeeznutsTheKenyan_yup_its_me_m__
    • 757
    • RETWEETS
    BlackCuntFaceramasindgenicarbyMCaparco__PAT_E_ROCKmcvey_tracyAphroditefter5__HappyHijabbi
    doublewenis______THEINBREDCAT______TheRealAnchovyCpin42MustBeBobby______bobbyblossomsCYComedyFamousMikeMinden6armyVet1972DurtMcHurttjunejuly12MikeCanRantTitansHomerim_not_smug______
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    I remember when Instagram used to be the nickname for a reliable coke dealer.

    • 870
    • FAVS
    MichiganManuelJimmySelfDestzorgodSPAC3CRAFBahstonladyDeerjerkyumtgspecialUncleBob56
    • 413
    • RETWEETS
    MichiganManuelJimmySelfDestliquidlimeyouareawrongunBobbyNeil79SPAC3CRAFBahstonladyUncleBob56
    ToneLoOnTheGoSCOOPISMSYesitsAl
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Public pools: The Walmart that doesn't make you wear a shirt.

    • 837
    • FAVS
    NawtyMynxchappymanGooberforceJimmySelfDestBahstonladyLerbsyCherbsNotPeterStark__CVTBaby
    • 386
    • RETWEETS
    diestomp666NawtyMynxchappymanVeetjie1JimmySelfDestNotPeterStark__No_tact_hereuvanianaidoo
    ThisAlexSteincuntsiclesTitansHomer
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    Found my wife's big Black back massager under our bed... He said he was fixing the box spring.

    • 745
    • FAVS
    MichiganManuelchappymanVeetjie1JimmySelfDestBahstonladyNotPeterStark__CVTBabyTheGrimKing
    • 296
    • RETWEETS
    MichiganManuelJimmySelfDestNotPeterStark__No_tact_hereBeeBoggleSickayduhboab15aLLiSTeRBaNTeR
    Tuna_Lover
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    My safe word is "This feels kinda gay"

    • 638
    • FAVS
    JimmySelfDestCPSX10UncleKermitFrankieTheAngelFyNghalonandyfwhitecactibeachsmaccers
    • 327
    • RETWEETS
    JimmySelfDestUncleKermitfavstar_historyFlyJ_smaccersBlindVigilVicFuture__MethShart
    KizerBillhelm
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    My friends, Ive accepted a liver offer and am headed for prep. I just want to send a thank you to all who donated, sent well-wishes and

    • 702
    • FAVS
    LerbsyCherbsNotPeterStark__No_tact_herepdxjohnny99d2BMcG__minafisheyesScrambledMceggsbearded_gandhi
    • 247
    • RETWEETS
    VodkaShorebirdNotPeterStark__pdxjohnny99d2BMcG__ScrambledMceggsbearded_gandhiPAT_E_ROCKRobertAndEdna
    TitansHomernonsensetwit______Sparksy_NurseMurdererRomoForTheWin____Bearslietoo______MikeCanRantmichaelpathSternoShotsBoltneck55________
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    "Is THIS your card!" - Hallmark sales clerk every time David Blaine comes in.

    • 655
    • FAVS
    OverRitzNotPeterStark__dogwillhunt22UnIxphyscoNo_tact_herequietlybiasedUnseenTouch__pdxjohnny99
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    Wolv_RNNotPeterStark__dogwillhunt22UnIxphyscoNo_tact_hereRobbySpankmepdxjohnny99d2BMcG__
    DaddyWithIssuesJimmywibbles______Brianhopecomedy
  • JournalismJunk
      D @JournalismJunk

    I like to pick up male hitchhikers and, after a brief exchange of pleasantries, fall silent & play WHAM!'s "Careless Whisper" on a loop.

    • 625
    • FAVS
    NawtyMynxRiver_NilesJimmySelfDestSondraDeeMejuneohara65BoxingChuckImAFavstarCunt__IrishVin
    • 273
    • RETWEETS
    cinderella_megevankaevankaNawtyMynxRiver_NilesJimmySelfDestjuneohara65BoxingChuckIrishVin
    Sparksy_im_not_smug______SunnyNeutrino
@JournalismJunk

@JournalismJunk

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