Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I jerked off to Poison for almost a year before I found out they were dudes. And then for like another 3 months.
Listen, bro, Karma Chameleon is gonna be turned up pretty loud, so you're gonna need to shout your safe word.
Twitter: If she looks thin, she's fat; If she looks fat, she's funny; If she looks hot, she's a dude; If he's a dude, he's unemployed.
My signature move is rolling down the window and reminding my wife to get me a Kit Kat after she's done pumping the gas.
Um. Hello? It’s morning. You can leave now... Mom’s not making breakfast for three..
Chillin' outside KMart with a soft pretzel and slushie. Bitches be eyin' my shit...
Watching the toilet water reach the rim but get sucked back down before overflowing is probably a lot like skydiving or going outside.
If I'm wearing Jordache jeans, you know I'm on fuck patrol.
My signature move is saying, "I'm so ashamed of myself" with a mouthful of food.
When I'm not rejecting some prime pussy, I'm flashing my debit card around the dollar store.
I can only assume that each time Maroon 5 and Matchbox 20 members pass eachother in a hotel lobby, they all crouch and start snapping.
I've got 99 problems and most of them centered around portion control and lack of exercise.
Hate to do this, need a transplant and pretty important I get one soon. Putting this out there if you want to donate: http://patients.transplants.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=485635&lis=1&supId=375313393&patientPID=16123 …
I remember when Instagram used to be the nickname for a reliable coke dealer.
Public pools: The Walmart that doesn't make you wear a shirt.
Found my wife's big Black back massager under our bed... He said he was fixing the box spring.
My safe word is "This feels kinda gay"
My friends, Ive accepted a liver offer and am headed for prep. I just want to send a thank you to all who donated, sent well-wishes and
"Is THIS your card!" - Hallmark sales clerk every time David Blaine comes in.
I like to pick up male hitchhikers and, after a brief exchange of pleasantries, fall silent & play WHAM!'s "Careless Whisper" on a loop.