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@fakeapstylebook What is an acceptable euphemism for 'uterus' when writing to Congress? #WriteMoreGood
Guy on street corner letting us know via sign that 'God will destroy the hole world! ' Take that, gophers.
Friend from H.S. who doesn't work announced she's taking a break from FB b/c it's a time waste. Gonna miss knowing every food she eats.
I like it when ya'll get all Instagram artsy with your titty avis so it's hard to tell if it's boobs or plumber's crack we're looking at.
Sometimes my tweet stream looks like a series of profile ads for Lowered Expectations.
Twitter PSA: Twitter really *has* been randomly dropping followers. It's come up lots in the last few weeks. Don't get hurt over a mistake.
Wonder how different life would be if I hadn't misunderstood the guidance counselor's advice as "Take every opportunity to butter yourself."
Team Follow Back should exchange numbers & get a conference call so they can listen to each other breathe.
Tell me again how "it is what it is." Because I think what it's going to be is me setting fire to your chair.
Wow. My stepdaughter & granddaughter were in the leveled Briarwood school. Everyone from the school is OK. Those drills aint' for nothin!
"Would you want to be snowbound for three days with this person?" is a good criteria for evaluating relationship prospects.
I like my men like I Iike my coffee. Strong, sweet & frothing at the lip.
Hard lessons of a ginger: realizing you'll never acheive the tan level of beige band-aids.
This dating profile had me at the cell phone pic, but the description sounds like a dream boat! http://twitpic.com/c5nd6z
Today we celebrate with this creased heavy weight paper bearing words of pleasantry. #NeutralGreetingCards
Seriously? There's nothing serious here. Let me dab up that blood for you.
