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  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Don't play with a womans heart, she only has one...


    Play with her boobs, she has two of those.

    • 398
    • FAVS
    wanksfornothingToxicProbablyhabdechickMissTittesseeADAMNUBIANcandyhh15Vol_CountryBoylittle_13
    • 213
    • RETWEETS
    wanksfornothingcoIonel_sandersVol_CountryBoyOO7heelsrobio_dantecareylikeswinekellsbellyQwertyJones3
    HeyZeus666XoMiSsYoX
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    What is it with with women and candles?

    I never know if we're going to have sex or a sacrifice.

    • 334
    • FAVS
    iVanillaGorillaADreadmarkbrittany_spencemarcmorais10MISSWICKEDLADYBamagirl_158baseballchickieSassafrantz
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    iVanillaGorillaralphlehmann1LittleShopOfOsBamagirl_158SassafrantzTampaBayMommamadrigroberAngneedshelp
    crimson_n_aqua
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Twitter let's me live vicariously through myself.

    • 235
    • FAVS
    dadjeenzjannable9mansizedthumbsroggyieSideBurnyMatt_Spicyfuneral_clownthatindiangirl7
    • 96
    • RETWEETS
    madrigroberfuneral_clownTattooedMiseryadrianlucaciraydauphinaisinsanesetivity____Delusi0nalMeVerifiedBakchod
    meisology
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    I'm going to have sex with you in my head right now... we're doing it... we're doing it... now it's over.


    Sorry.

    • 215
    • FAVS
    dadjeenzjannable9mansizedthumbsI_am_RabbitroggyieSideBurny88AmpEnergy88____TampaBayMomma
    • 83
    • RETWEETS
    88AmpEnergy88____TampaBayMommamadrigroberRyangallagher98rosieduds1ChromeBabyMommaFatStephenHello_Bella
    Voiceofgarth
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    A typical conversation between Randy Savage & The Kool-Aid man:

    "Ooh Yeah!"


    "Ooh Yeah!"


    "Ooh Yeah!"


    "Ooh Yeah!"

    • 201
    • FAVS
    ill_palazzoPFitzpaLincolnFantSexySpainNightsmahjoeAarchAngellDomlusionalSassafrantz
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    TheTonz76AarchAngellShaunRightNowmadrigroberbrock7sterwikwikwak________AndRyanTF________alliejane_508
    knotaprettygirlKevinDeanGander
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    If you love someone, set them free. If they return... something, something, Justin Bieber's a lesbian.

    • 155
    • FAVS
    dadjeenzjannable9mansizedthumbsroggyieSideBurnymadrigroberHighLarious36Bax_Doll__________
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    madrigroberroryvonjamesBax_Doll__________Gabrielle_JayefunTweetersPrOyulGingerBeccRDS3tweets
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    I appreciate women that have to hold their boobs when they run.

    • 212
    • FAVS
    NurseNcadadjeenzAllieAjonniematterBamagirl_158OriginalLeeMaysbutthatstaboobaseballchickie
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    jonniemattermeowgustaOriginalLeeMaysBrunetteTxGalbaseballchickieSassafrantzroggyieTampaBayMomma
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in to someones eyes. You'll feel better.

    • 142
    • FAVS
    jannable9Jaden76PurldFlashyWittsZxqcvrObnoxiousssroggyieSideBurny
    • 124
    • RETWEETS
    grammar_cunt_x0janetAbsolutAngylbrisvegaschickymadrigroberkissangel03tempestsonataMelloPsycho
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    It only took me a second to show you how much I feel for you...

    The police called it indecent exposure, but whatever.

    • 164
    • FAVS
    ADreadmarkbrittany_spencemarcmorais10MISSWICKEDLADYstockejockbutthatstabooSassafrantzjannable9
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    marcmorais10SassafrantzianrosenthalTampaBayMommaLionessDeWinterDizBiznzLMacbeth1Hello_Bella
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Can someone please get Michael Jacksons Doctors phone number for Justin Bieber.

    • 114
    • FAVS
    FlashyWittsroggyieabdulxviVotremelodieHerHighness87amandakswoffordAnneCarneyMediaSerpentineFlesh
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    MNB4800alzadja2Nawa89abdulxvimadrigrobersweetdreamer77____The_Coffee_MugSabinenator
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Turkeys bother me, I'm glad we eat them.

    • 178
    • FAVS
    Sassafrantzjannable9roggyieSideBurnyuunnddeeaadd______C3BallinCorleoneJoe__EureekaHavoc
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    raydauphinaismaulifuffjavvv___cowtownmingus____KevinBuffalolovebeinamom2BaddBryant________aleneparr
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Tori Spelling had a baby. It was 9'0lbs 21 0z's. (only some of you will get this)

    • 149
    • FAVS
    dadjeenzjannable9bigmacherflukynessk1ttenFlashyWitts9DaysOldwaybetterthanJA
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    crossley79brisvegaschickyLifeofDaria___tonyaspencerRolix3001XXX_Rated_JayHalbeerzVotremelodie
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    GF: Can we try something new?

    Me: Ok

    GF: I want you to choke me during sex.

    Me: Just during sex? How about during dinner?

    • 165
    • FAVS
    jannable9mansizedthumbsroggyieSideBurnyRummyLaudeduunnddeeaadd______veinarmorC3Ballin
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    madrigroberfunTweetersAbrasiveVelvetdetroit_etbob_the_drummer3CockringCircusTheRohiniReddyItsZLevy
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    "Like" this tweet if you understand sarcasm.

    • 129
    • FAVS
    amandakswoffordSaiaGulzarWashableWoolBig_Tuck_cathryn_wardlittlekitnerboyBelloved21TrygveSolstad
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    AbsolutAngylmadrigroberSaiaGulzarcathryn_warddarren1000alunpippinTrygveSolstadJavierCarlos_4
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    I bet midgets hold a grudge against the whole high-five thing.

    • 115
    • FAVS
    mansizedthumbsFlashyWittsrObnoxiousssroggyieSideBurnyVotremelodieDa_People_Champceleste_riley
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    madrigroberCiciwowWaheavyoilcountryfavstar1000favspiratelaylaDaddymakkFoxxxiRoxxxiheisneken
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    When I am President I will make it legal to kill all the Kardashians. I will also sign an order declaring Justin Bieber is in fact a lesbian

    • 102
    • FAVS
    FlashyWittsroggyieabdulxviamandakswoffordkuh_reenaalxsbldrback__BillFienbergKatieLynnDilger
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsmadrigroberaditya767_aarachelmcleanxorissybabexItsFiras__FaithAliQLonghorn_JR______
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Is Snookie really pregnant? How is she going to push a baby out of her penis?

    • 122
    • FAVS
    NASTYBOYTATERroggyieabdulxviceleste_rileyamandakswoffordbrandi_faceitsDavidDewittchubbbypanda______
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    niklowenm_schroederrBillFienbergTommyCassclan4RubyWildflowerChaitanya_13RiotGRRLBarbieLogan__Bradley
    BillFienberg
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Next time I go for a massage, I'm asking for the Travolta.

    • 127
    • FAVS
    SideBurnyCorleoneJoe__EureekaHavocHello_Bellashaggykwb_2Tuna_LoverBikerTrash69colnickfury______
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    AbrasiveVelvetTheOneTrueDiscoadribrunette1____favstar1000favscowtownmingus____saaamrogersDude_SseriouslyFilthyMcMasters__
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Ladies if we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will believe you... and stop asking us the fat question...

    ALL WE WANT IS A BLOWJOB

    • 113
    • FAVS
    roggyieTampaBayMommaTattooedMiseryjosesanlopezHello_Bellacrimson_n_aquaSaraShrievesshaggykwb_2
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    madrigroberHello_BellaAbrasiveVelvetTheOneTrueDiscostRAWsiPPeRJessRox18thesahilitsJUSTdux
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Dating only ends up one of two ways:

    1: Serious relationship, marrige & family.

    2: Serious drinking problem, AA meetings & child support.

    • 121
    • FAVS
    roggyieveinarmorC3BallinTattooedMiseryEureekaHavocHello_Bellacrimson_n_aquashaggykwb_2
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historymadrigroberADELAWDE1B_poling82ASVPMarcosnakedlaughingSADON_INandONyourMIND
@Jtweeters

@Jtweeters

Twitter lets me live vicariously through myself.