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  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Don't play with a womans heart, she only has one...


    Play with her boobs, she has two of those.

    • 400
    • FAVS
    Mon_x_TeyNot_JustAnyGirlwanksfornothingToxicProbably_sinaysi_MissTittesseeADAMNUBIANcandyhh15
    • 214
    • RETWEETS
    Mon_x_TeywanksfornothingcoIonel_sandersVol_CountryBoyOO7heelsrobio_dantecareylikeswinekellsbelly
    HeyZeus666XoMiSsYoX
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    What is it with with women and candles?

    I never know if we're going to have sex or a sacrifice.

    • 334
    • FAVS
    iVanillaGorillaADreadmarkbrittany_spencemarcmorais10MISSWICKEDLADYBamagirl_158baseballchickieSassafrantz
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    iVanillaGorillaralphlehmann1LittleShopOfOsBamagirl_158SassafrantzTampaBayMommamadrigroberAngneedshelp
    crimson_n_aqua____
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Twitter let's me live vicariously through myself.

    • 240
    • FAVS
    HyghMylesLolaVelvetKissIsNotStonedzolofighterNot_JustAnyGirldadjeenzjannable9mansizedthumbs
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    HyghMylesAmandaJoNyoFaceFiveGetsUTenzolofighteriGreenMonkNot_JustAnyGirlmadrigroberfuneral_clown
    meisology
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    I'm going to have sex with you in my head right now... we're doing it... we're doing it... now it's over.


    Sorry.

    • 217
    • FAVS
    Cleaner_SteveNot_JustAnyGirldadjeenzjannable9mansizedthumbsI_am_RabbitroggyieSideBurny
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    Not_JustAnyGirl88AmpEnergy88____TampaBayMommamadrigroberRyangallagher98rosieduds1ChromeBabyMommaFatStephen
    Voiceofgarth
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    If you love someone, set them free. If they return... something, something, Justin Bieber's a lesbian.

    • 156
    • FAVS
    Not_JustAnyGirldadjeenzjannable9mansizedthumbsroggyieSideBurnymadrigroberHighLarious36
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    madrigroberroryvonjamesBax_Doll__________gabbycallawayfunTweetersPrOyulGingerBeccRDS3Z
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    A typical conversation between Randy Savage & The Kool-Aid man:

    "Ooh Yeah!"


    "Ooh Yeah!"


    "Ooh Yeah!"


    "Ooh Yeah!"

    • 201
    • FAVS
    vvlliePFitzpaLincolnFantSexySpainNightsmahjoeAarchAngellDompocalyptismSassafrantz
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    TheTonz76AarchAngellShaunRightNowmadrigroberbrock7sterwikwikwak________AndRyanTF________alliejane_508
    knotaprettygirlKevinDeanGander
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    I appreciate women that have to hold their boobs when they run.

    • 212
    • FAVS
    NurseNcadadjeenzsundressed__jonniematterBamagirl_158OriginalLeeMaysbutthatstaboobaseballchickie
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    minealone6jonniemattermeowgustaOriginalLeeMaysBrunetteTxGalbaseballchickieSassafrantzroggyie
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in to someones eyes. You'll feel better.

    • 143
    • FAVS
    Not_JustAnyGirljannable9Jaden76PurldFlashyNopeZxqcvrObnoxiousssroggyie
    • 124
    • RETWEETS
    grammar_cunt_x0janetAbsolutAngylbrisvegaschickymadrigroberkissangel03phantasmagoryyMelloPsycho
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Can someone please get Michael Jacksons Doctors phone number for Justin Bieber.

    • 120
    • FAVS
    hasan95heySexytruckdriverfunnybeachgirlDebHawk12Cleaner_SteveNot_JustAnyGirlFlashyNoperoggyie
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    wehavetimeAbdulHaseeb62hasan95heyLanecat2tahaahmed997__DebHawk12Cleaner_SteveNot_JustAnyGirl
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    It only took me a second to show you how much I feel for you...

    The police called it indecent exposure, but whatever.

    • 167
    • FAVS
    hasan95heyjdforshortNot_JustAnyGirlADreadmarkbrittany_spencemarcmorais10MISSWICKEDLADYstockejock
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    AbdulHaseeb62tahaahmed997__Not_JustAnyGirlmarcmorais10SassafrantzianrosenthalTampaBayMommaLionessDeWinter
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Turkeys bother me, I'm glad we eat them.

    • 178
    • FAVS
    Sassafrantzjannable9roggyieSideBurnyuunnddeeaadd______C3Ballin__CorleoneJoe__EureekaHavoc
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    raydauphinaismaulifuffjavvv___cowtownmingus____KevinBuffalolovebeinamom2BaddBryant________aleneparr
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Tori Spelling had a baby. It was 9'0lbs 21 0z's. (only some of you will get this)

    • 150
    • FAVS
    Not_JustAnyGirldadjeenzjannable9bigmacherflukynessk1ttenFlashyNope9DaysOld
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    crossley79brisvegaschickyLifeofDaria___tonyaspencerRolix3001XXX_Rated_JayHalbeerzVotremelodie
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    GF: Can we try something new?

    Me: Ok

    GF: I want you to choke me during sex.

    Me: Just during sex? How about during dinner?

    • 168
    • FAVS
    BrownTraviskrystie0213Not_JustAnyGirljannable9mansizedthumbsroggyieSideBurnyRummyLauded
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    elimergelBrownTravisNot_JustAnyGirlCyntacintamadrigroberfunTweetersAbrasiveVelvetdetroit_et
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    "Like" this tweet if you understand sarcasm.

    • 130
    • FAVS
    Not_JustAnyGirlamandakswoffordSaiaGulzarWashableWoolBig_Tuck_________cathryn_wardlittlekitnerboyBelloved21
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    AbsolutAngylmadrigroberSaiaGulzarcathryn_warddarren1000alunpippinTrygveSolstadJavierCarlos_4
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    I bet midgets hold a grudge against the whole high-five thing.

    • 118
    • FAVS
    DrDudczorylCleaner_SteveNot_JustAnyGirlmansizedthumbsFlashyNoperObnoxiousssroggyieSideBurny
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    Not_JustAnyGirlmadrigroberCiciwowWaheavyoilcountryfavstar1000favspiratelaylaDaddymakkFoxxxiRoxxxi
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Is Snookie really pregnant? How is she going to push a baby out of her penis?

    • 123
    • FAVS
    Not_JustAnyGirlNASTYBOYTATERroggyieaugustuszeusceleste_rileyamandakswoffordbrandi_faceitsDavidDewitt
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    niklowenm_schroederrBillFienbergTommyCassclan4__RubyWildflowerChaitanya_13RiotGRRLBarbieLogan__Bradley
    BillFienberg
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    When I am President I will make it legal to kill all the Kardashians. I will also sign an order declaring Justin Bieber is in fact a lesbian

    • 102
    • FAVS
    FlashyNoperoggyieaugustuszeusamandakswoffordkuh_reenaalxsbldrback__BillFienbergKatieLynnDilger
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsmadrigroberaditya767_aarachelmcleanxorissybabexItsFiras______FaithAliQLonghorn_JR______
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Next time I go for a massage, I'm asking for the Travolta.

    • 127
    • FAVS
    SideBurnyCorleoneJoe__EureekaHavocHello_Bellashaggykwb_2______Tuna_LoverBikerTrash69colnickfury______
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    AbrasiveVelvetTheOneTrueDiscoadribrunette1____favstar1000favscowtownmingus____saaamrogersDude_Sseriously__FilthyMcMasters__
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Dating only ends up one of two ways:

    1: Serious relationship, marrige & family.

    2: Serious drinking problem, AA meetings & child support.

    • 124
    • FAVS
    Not_JustAnyGirlHallpassCanadacessperienceroggyieveinarmorC3Ballin__TattooedMiseryEureekaHavoc
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    minealone6favstar_historymadrigroberADELAWDE1B_poling82ASVPMarcosnakedlaughingSADON_
  • Jtweeters
      Jtweeters @Jtweeters

    Ladies if we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will believe you... and stop asking us the fat question...

    ALL WE WANT IS A BLOWJOB

    • 113
    • FAVS
    roggyieTampaBayMommaTattooedMiseryjosesanlopezHello_Bellacrimson_n_aqua____SaraShrievesshaggykwb_2______
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    madrigroberHello_BellaAbrasiveVelvetTheOneTrueDiscostRAWsiPPeRJessRox18thesahilitsJUSTdux
@Jtweeters

@Jtweeters

Twitter lets me live vicariously through myself.