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Before having kids/ getting married, it should be mandatory for a couple to spend a day in family court.
Everytime one of your tweets make me laugh out loud, the butter knives stay in a drawer.
It just occurred to me, its not PMS, it's the lack of vagina-friendly solutions for monthly periods that get us all homicidal cranky.
Ok twitter, be good to momma and keep me entertained before I stab my ex-husband in the jugular with this blunt pen. Aaand GO!
Pro tip: most pro tips are given by amateurs.
I must have slept through this topic in nursing school. What street drug do I take for PMS?
My ex-husband is a sex addict, that's why I strive to continuously fuck him over. Doing it right.
Pro tip: if you have to ask, and he says no, he probably is.
We can send a man to the moon but we can't invent a pad that doesn't fold back and stick to my pubes? C'on now! WTF?!
#TruthfulTuesday I hate being the other woman.
I love 7. Yes I birthed her, but also because she spent the last 15 minutes bad mouthing dad's girlfriend. divorced parenting at it's best!
I guess my white pants are more seethrough than my blue panties would have liked. Blue underwear is better than no underwear.
Eating a deli pickle. Fellas?
(trying to get my followers back)
You know what's great about having your bf on twitter? The ability to stalk him and have everything in writing !
Hey there old familiar feeling of self loathing. God, I've missed you!
I NEVER want to hear another guy complain about not being able to find a clit. Try inserting a catheter in a 90yo meatus, THEN we can talk.
Not even back home for 10 minutes and already I hear about my mothers boyfriend's large penis. Cougars: creeping out their kids since always
Can someone spare a tampon for my twitter account? Im on a heavy flow of losing followers.
41 hates my snoring but If he could only see what I go through to expel all this mucous out of my nose and throat. There'd be no 41.
E'ffin snow, E'ffin city, E'ffin mayor, E'ffin mandatory stay until day nurses arrive, E'ffin patients. E'ffin cold feet. E'ffin effity ef