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"Is that Steve Buscemi's daughter?"- me, looking at American Apparel models.
Holy shit your name is Kristopher it should be illegal to suck that bad.
Men wearing bathing suit bottoms as shorts- you are bumming us all out.
It is vital that I buy this groupon for ice cream cupcakes.
I declare this dachshund mayor of the dog park.
Old people at bars: you are either snotty or creepy. Either way you should leave.
I can calculate your age by the amount/brand of cologne you wear and you are all 15.
I once wrote a fan letter to Antonio Banderas.
I'm trying to hire an intern to wash dishes at the venue I work at but my office is in a closet which is as creepy as it is ineffective.
Oh this look of disgust on my face is permanent from looking at you people.
When I find someone who hates wearing pants as much as I do, I'll know I've met my soulmate.
At age 4, I wrote a pretttttyy rockin' song about cookies.
What if the dog could talk and he talked EXACTLY LIKE NELL
NO I DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN TO THE NEW MUSE ALBUM WITH YOUR HEADPHONES
Watching my dog at the dog park confirms he has no idea how to be a dog.