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  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I think the oceans are salty because fish are sad.

    • 579
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilmediocregeecanadian_janeThe_Dorkster______listenyoungmanJonJon_Brownfrk_mariaAndLive2Love
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    mediocregeelistenyoungmannatfloresAndLive2LoveeTHEgoddessDEUXAllyTheJediAlesandraYunmistIetaire
    JessterPrynne
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    My daughter surprised me with the where do babies come from question today. My answer was $5 domestic pitchers and whiskey usually.

    • 472
    • FAVS
    mediocregeelistenyoungmanfrk_mariagrantmeawishhashgrashtnylgnEvilPandaXBunnydurden
    • 159
    • RETWEETS
    KalaniPerryBlondiethegoodLitra_In_Denial__brandissaulnierHaLoNoLajitterbug212CandyWarholeAndLive2Love
    Blondiethegood_Shizzle__________OhhhLuissMarcusTheTokenTraylorParkerTweetdeano________
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I was licking this girl all over her face right up until she explained to me what doggy style was.

    • 446
    • FAVS
    canadian_janeDrDweezilmediocregeeJonJon_Brownlistenyoungmanfrk_mariagrantmeawishhAllyTheJedi
    • 184
    • RETWEETS
    bitch_grenade____AineAnisa__klutz505Royce_BaconWhittyG01________mt_mosquito______AngelaEhhLitra_In_Denial__
    JessicaFancyAllTheUglyTruthAndrewR31
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I swear, the next person that says "how can you be single, you are sooo funny"; I'm pullng my pants down and showing them why.

    • 284
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilmediocregeeJonJon_Brownlistenyoungmanfrk_marianataliaelsashgrashtnylgn
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    eTHEgoddessDEUXProfDildsoncleanmyglockstimb1044CandyWarholeMaxStraubFavstar250ImNoPrincess_
    JessterPrynne
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    Netflix suggested I watch my kids.

    • 238
    • FAVS
    LaurenSivanDrDweezilmediocregeeJonJon_Brownhomer13AngieGraceLAlistenyoungmanfrk_maria
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    thelaughfactoryItsJustLeoyourfaceizawsumEvilPandaXCudjoeKeyDave____SaraBattinosliberallisaPoliticalAnt
    1BigMick
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    After an ex-wife, a string of girlfriends, it took an 8 year old to teach me that holding hands just meant she was glad I was right there.

    • 240
    • FAVS
    mediocregeeJonJon_Brownlistenyoungmanjacquelyn_tPizzasextvsagemoonstonehollywood_95_69kelkulus
    • 90
    • RETWEETS
    jacquelyn_tPizzasextv1stEvilWenchloribuckmajorlilicoffinsorellmohibrocketxyzCristolKlear
    cloudypianosgoreysgirl________
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I'm so fucked. My white half can't dance til I get drunk, but my mexican half won't quit drinking til I can't walk.

    • 268
    • FAVS
    canadian_janeDrDweezilmediocregeeJonJon_Brownlistenyoungmanfrk_mariaashgrashtnylgn
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    EvilPandaXtimb1044CandyWarholeAndLive2LoveVonBrutal________whatitis112alarick6gtown27golfer
    AndrewR31
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I hope my shower appreciates all the pineapple I've been eating lately.

    • 261
    • FAVS
    mediocregeelistenyoungmanashgrashtnylgnBeardsonEvilPandaXBunnydurdenBlondiethegood
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    BeardsonEvilPandaXFavstar250Ninja_Wh0sddthatsmegrumpyblumonkeyjitterbug212pc62488
    DashGoff__________TaraToGocotysmith
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    My girlfriend is really getting into filming our sexcapades. The only thing I don't like is the guy she has playing me.

    • 261
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilmediocregeeashgrashtnylgnBunnydurdenBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHjudelmeister
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    grumpyblumonkeyTravinportCandyWarholeWDinarteIamEveryDayPplschmealetteDrReeceWoodMEGraybush________
    Kim_pulsivechopper4jk
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I'll go on a diet when they stop making delicious food.

    • 201
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilmediocregeelistenyoungmanashgrashtnylgnEvilPandaXBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusH
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    sddthatsmeeidgetimb1044KaitlynnSchillheyhey_rayLMills_lalisaCandyWarhole
    YourFavMexi_Can
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I often mistake flirty conversation as an invitation to make dumb statements that convince you to never want to talk to me again.

    • 178
    • FAVS
    mediocregeeashgrashtnylgnEvilPandaXBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHNinja_Wh0burntmybagel
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    cloudypianosBwanaChrismikeysmilwaukeeadam_j_goetschtotinclevelandnayele18__________VonBrutal________AbigailVlijt
    cloudypianosyzupp
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I don't always drink, but when I do I don't fuck around.

    • 184
    • FAVS
    ashgrashtnylgnEvilPandaXBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHburntmybagelCandyWarholeTbone7219
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    ChipCunningmikebeallamaNurseMurdererVonBrutal________rudegal1969sigmaseal________ocourtneynoCrustyZombie
    pizzaguyjay______
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    My wish for all of humanity is that we could all be as happy as women in tampon commercials.

    • 168
    • FAVS
    mediocregeeashgrashtnylgnBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHspotswojswollenvoicestewartfoster
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    sddthatsmecleanmyglockscait_inthesky____CandyWarholeVonBrutal________rohankhaleKingDaffyDuckEzzaTheGloob
    FriesWhisperer
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I remember when I was a kid, and still had feelings, and a soul, and stuff.

    • 163
    • FAVS
    mediocregeeashgrashtnylgnBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHburntmybagelLastMermaid__meatlobes
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    V_VeruschkaDJ_Rathbonesuzisummernayele18__________VonBrutal________SassyMcMelons__sdebastianSamImperfect____
    n0punches________JuliaEveHaysthesupergrobi
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    Most of the time when I appear to be in deep thought, I'm just thinking about what I'm going to build with my Legos when I get home.

    • 161
    • FAVS
    mediocregeeSilleVioAndLive2LoveashgrashtnylgnBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHSutton_Speaks
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    AndLive2LovextianrovicthesupergrobithedayofthedotAkshon_BastardVonBrutal________ocourtneynocoachsalmond
    GuiltlessNicktigersgoroooarjayonguitar
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    If you are one of those girls that save it for marriage, I'm one of those guys that gets married on the first date.

    • 174
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilmediocregeeashgrashtnylgnJumpingJesusHNinja_Wh0burntmybagelCandyWarhole
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    Lyssa_RissaG7Gin____________pizzajaynowVonBrutal________thedailymarkerGillespie_3000____robyn_voStewieButtmudd
    pizzajaynow
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    The thing I love most about my ex-girlfriend is the prefix.

    • 151
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilmediocregeeashgrashtnylgnJumpingJesusHburntmybagelCandyWarholekeplyq
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    mediocregeeVonBrutal________TamaLongbongsaruuhrosethefakeshenryiCanHazBailOut____thedayofthedotfavstar1000favs
    bellicosejasonBurgee66__________
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    Love is such a strong word. I would be much more comfortable ordering a meat-liker's pizza.

    • 145
    • FAVS
    mediocregeeashgrashtnylgndevilsadvocaterBradleyingham87ShoutingGoddessEvilPandaXJumpingJesusH
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    dheemazEvilPandaXVonBrutal________cleverthanjewrDaignoranceRLeeFineAgainankrystaalMouthyMess________
    cotysmith
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    If you own anything with Winnie the Pooh on it, its probably not gonna work out.

    • 148
    • FAVS
    tnylgnEvilPandaXJumpingJesusHburntmybagelkeplyqEvilSchwartzieNurseMurdererReDHeaDeDTaRT____
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    VonBrutal________SassyMcMelons__aikalei__________Leggaliciousfavstar1000favs_Shizzle__________Sheena_Bo_BinaFavstar500Favs
    Leggalicious_Shizzle__________
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    If a girl likes you, but you don't really like her, you should probably hit that when you get the chance, cause you're an asshole like that.

    • 94
    • FAVS
    mediocregeetnylgnEvilPandaXJumpingJesusHburntmybagelindeathitrust__sHaRD__belowme21
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    Ki24DMarvThe_Martianbellaluisa7kitt_223ohheyystephB_poling82KarlyleBrocklehJillyinWillYums
@Juan_Incognito

@Juan_Incognito

Made entirely of cells