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  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I think the oceans are salty because fish are sad.

    • 577
    • FAVS
    canadian_jane____The_DorksterlistenyoungmanJonJon_Brownfrk_mariaAndLive2LovegrantmeawishhMissAnneDastood
    • 253
    • RETWEETS
    listenyoungmannatfloresAndLive2LoveeTHEgoddessDEUXAllyTheJediAlesandraYunkaristaffordAmie1935
    JessterPrynne
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    My daughter surprised me with the where do babies come from question today. My answer was $5 domestic pitchers and whiskey usually.

    • 471
    • FAVS
    listenyoungmanfrk_mariagrantmeawishhashgrashtnylgnEvilPandaXBunnydurdenBrentweets
    • 159
    • RETWEETS
    KalaniPerryBlondiethegoodLitra_In_Denial__brandissaulnierHaLoNoLajitterbug212CandyWarholeAndLive2Love
    Blondiethegood_ShizzleOhhhLuissMarcusTheTokenTraylorParkerTweetdeano________
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I was licking this girl all over her face right up until she explained to me what doggy style was.

    • 443
    • FAVS
    JonJon_Brownlistenyoungmanfrk_mariagrantmeawishhAllyTheJediashgrashtnylgnEvilPandaX
    • 184
    • RETWEETS
    bitch_grenade____AineAnisaklutz505Royce_BaconWhittyG01________mt_mosquito______AngelaEhhLitra_In_Denial__
    JessicaFancyAllTheUglyTruthAndrewR31
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I swear, the next person that says "how can you be single, you are sooo funny"; I'm pullng my pants down and showing them why.

    • 282
    • FAVS
    JonJon_Brownlistenyoungmanfrk_marianataliaelsashgrashtnylgnEvilPandaXBunnydurden
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    eTHEgoddessDEUXProfDildsoncleanmyglockstimb1044CandyWarholeMaxStraubFavstar250ImNoPrincess_
    JessterPrynne
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    Netflix suggested I watch my kids.

    • 235
    • FAVS
    JonJon_Brownhomer13AngieGraceLAlistenyoungmanfrk_mariaeTHEgoddessDEUXashgrashSuSuSuDonym______
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    thelaughfactoryItsJustLeoyourfaceizawsumEvilPandaXCudjoeKeyDave____SaraBattinosliberallisaPoliticalAnt
    1BigMick
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    After an ex-wife, a string of girlfriends, it took an 8 year old to teach me that holding hands just meant she was glad I was right there.

    • 239
    • FAVS
    JonJon_Brownlistenyoungmanjacquelyn_tPizzasextvsagemoonstonehollywood_95_69kelkulusSarahjanewoo
    • 90
    • RETWEETS
    jacquelyn_tPizzasextv1stEvilWenchloribuckmajorlilicoffinsorellmohibrocketxyzCristolKlear
    cloudypianosgoreysgirl________
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I'm so fucked. My white half can't dance til I get drunk, but my mexican half won't quit drinking til I can't walk.

    • 265
    • FAVS
    JonJon_Brownlistenyoungmanfrk_mariaashgrashtnylgnyourfaceizawsumgrabbyabbyEvilPandaX
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    EvilPandaXtimb1044CandyWarholeAndLive2LoveVonBrutal________whatitis112alarick6gtown27golfer
    AndrewR31
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I hope my shower appreciates all the pineapple I've been eating lately.

    • 260
    • FAVS
    listenyoungmanashgrashtnylgnBeardsonEvilPandaXBunnydurdenBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusH
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    BeardsonEvilPandaXFavstar250Ninja_Wh0sddthatsmegrumpyblumonkeyjitterbug212pc62488
    DashGoff__________TaraToGocotysmith
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    My girlfriend is really getting into filming our sexcapades. The only thing I don't like is the guy she has playing me.

    • 259
    • FAVS
    ashgrashtnylgnBunnydurdenBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHjudelmeisterburntmybagelgrumpyblumonkey
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    grumpyblumonkeyTravinportCandyWarholeWDinarteIamEveryDayPplschmealetteDrReeceWoodMEGraybush________
    Kim_pulsivechopper4jk
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I'll go on a diet when they stop making delicious food.

    • 199
    • FAVS
    listenyoungmanashgrashtnylgnEvilPandaXBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHNinja_Wh0sddthatsme
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    sddthatsmeeidgetimb1044KaitlynnSchillheyhey_rayLMills_lalisaCandyWarhole
    YourFavMexi_Can
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I often mistake flirty conversation as an invitation to make dumb statements that convince you to never want to talk to me again.

    • 177
    • FAVS
    ashgrashtnylgnEvilPandaXBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHNinja_Wh0burntmybagelthumbelinasays
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    cloudypianosBwanaChrismikeysmilwaukeeadam_j_goetschalwaysmisskarennayele18VonBrutal________AbigailVlijt
    cloudypianosyzupp
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I don't always drink, but when I do I don't fuck around.

    • 184
    • FAVS
    ashgrashtnylgnEvilPandaXBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHburntmybagelCandyWarholeSteelers1972
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    ChipCunningmikebeallamaNurseMurdererVonBrutal________rudegal1969sigmaseal________ocourtneynoCrustyZombie
    pizzaguyjay______
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    My wish for all of humanity is that we could all be as happy as women in tampon commercials.

    • 167
    • FAVS
    ashgrashtnylgnBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHspotswojswollenvoicestewartfostersddthatsme
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    sddthatsmecleanmyglockscait_inthesky____CandyWarholeVonBrutal________rohankhaleKingDaffyDuckEzzaTheGloob
    FriesWhisperer
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    I remember when I was a kid, and still had feelings, and a soul, and stuff.

    • 162
    • FAVS
    ashgrashtnylgnBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHburntmybagelLastMermaidmeatlobesEvilSchwartzie
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    V_VeruschkaDJ_Rathbonesuzisummernayele18VonBrutal________SassyMcMelonssdebastianSamImperfect____
    n0punches________JuliaEveHaysthesupergrobi
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    Most of the time when I appear to be in deep thought, I'm just thinking about what I'm going to build with my Legos when I get home.

    • 160
    • FAVS
    SilleVioAndLive2LoveashgrashtnylgnBlondiethegoodJumpingJesusHSutton_SpeaksNinja_Wh0
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    AndLive2LovextianrovicthesupergrobithedayofthedotAkshon_BastardVonBrutal________ocourtneynocoachsalmond
    GuiltlessNicktigersgoroooarjayonguitar
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    If you are one of those girls that save it for marriage, I'm one of those guys that gets married on the first date.

    • 172
    • FAVS
    ashgrashtnylgnJumpingJesusHNinja_Wh0burntmybagelCandyWarholemmesurlymeatlobes
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    Lyssa_RissaG7Gin____________pizzajaynowVonBrutal________thedailymarkerGillespie_3000____robyn_voStewieButtmudd
    pizzajaynow
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    The thing I love most about my ex-girlfriend is the prefix.

    • 149
    • FAVS
    ashgrashtnylgnJumpingJesusHburntmybagelCandyWarholemmesurlyEvilSchwartzieNurseMurderer
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    VonBrutal________TamaLongbongsaruuhrosethejakeshenryiCanHazBailOut____thedayofthedotfavstar1000favsslowmotionhero
    bellicosejasonBurgee66__________
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    Love is such a strong word. I would be much more comfortable ordering a meat-liker's pizza.

    • 144
    • FAVS
    ashgrashtnylgndevilsadvocaterBradleyingham87ShoutingGoddessEvilPandaXJumpingJesusHburntmybagel
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    dheemazEvilPandaXVonBrutal________cleverthanjewrDaignoranceRLeeFineAgainankrystaalMouthyMess________
    cotysmith
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    If you own anything with Winnie the Pooh on it, its probably not gonna work out.

    • 148
    • FAVS
    tnylgnEvilPandaXJumpingJesusHburntmybagelmmesurlyEvilSchwartzieNurseMurdererReDHeaDeDTaRT____
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    VonBrutal________SassyMcMelonsaikalei__________Leggaliciousfavstar1000favs_ShizzleSheena_Bo_BinaFavstar500Favs
    Leggalicious_Shizzle
  • Juan_Incognito
      I'm Josh @Juan_Incognito

    If a girl likes you, but you don't really like her, you should probably hit that when you get the chance, cause you're an asshole like that.

    • 93
    • FAVS
    tnylgnEvilPandaXJumpingJesusHburntmybagelindeathitrust__sHaRD__belowme21Seray37__________
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    Ki24DMarvThe_MartianBellaluisa7kitt_223ohheyystephB_poling82KarlyleBrocklehJillyinWillYums
@Juan_Incognito

@Juan_Incognito

Made entirely of cells