Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If you could only hear my eyes roll.
Relationships are like farts, you shouldn't force one that's not there or the end result could be shitty.
I look forward to the end of every night, when I take off my bra, and I am greeted as a liberator.
One should not accidentally tie themselves to the deck railing by the drawstring of their pants whilst in an argument.
I KNOW I chewed that corn.
Twitter: Come here to get ignored by celebrities.
It's been like spending 2 years at Disneyland without ever getting a hug from Mickey.
Thank goodness the dinosaurs believed in reincarnation or we wouldn't have plastics or high gas prices.
I am tapped out.
Seriously, I wouldn't mind if you tapped this.
I need a lesson in how to give constructive feedback.
I've been told that saying, "This is shit.", isn't very professional.
I just learned that 'NSFW' means 'Not Safe For Work'.
Who knew that an 'F' in an acronym could be so innocent.
You're about as loyal as the average shampoo user.
I am already resenting tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish my fist was detachable... and that it was shaped like a boomerang.
Woah! 1,000 stars that can buy you a whole lot of nothing!
Fruit Loops-- the dietary staple of mental institutions.
Imagine if Jessica Rabbit and Thumper had a baby. It would probably look a lot like Taylor Swift.
It's Words With Friends until I lose, then it's Words With Fists.
People who are constantly raising the bar must have some weird thing against drunk midgets.
I hear cracking your knuckles makes your fingers fat & in order to do something about my midsection, I've decided to stop cracking my back.
I don't know about you, but I use my Facebook to force my good taste on everyone.
My name is Victoria and I don't like to cook. I run @turtlecanyonusa. Sometimes I write jokes. http://about.me/victoriaramon