Don't raise your voice, Improve your argument.

Twitter: A home for the voices in your head.

I liked the world better when I didn't know as much.

Modern Warfare: a $700,000,000 dollar plane drops a $50,000 bomb on a $1.00 tent

I need to unfollow a few people in real life.

If you can't be a good example, be a warning.

70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots

If I ever get abducted, I hope it's in a space ship and not in some old mans house.

I'm constantly thankful for all of the people that aren't in my life.

I'm not sure about the rainbow part of things, but I found the Pot.

I need to diet. I think I'm gonna cut back on the DoubleStuf and stick with regular Oreos

Twitter is like Cheers 'where everyone knows your name' until you change it and then we don't know who the fuck you are anymore.

There's no I in team, but there a P in punch you in the mouth.

Death steals everything except our stories.

The moment that you don't trust yourself, your done.

Every day is a good day to piss off stupid people.

I get a Chinese accent when I order Chinese food.

I wonder how much sex I need to have to be involved in a sex scandal..

Did you say you have bangs or you wanted to bang? I'm a little Hard from hearing..

Happy Fathers Day to all of the Mothers that are Fathers too.