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I'm just a girl, staring at the world, wanting to set it on fire.
Last night my boss told me I need to get laid & to "get that turkey stuffed" in case anyone wondered about the professionalism at my job.
Guys don't like chick flicks because they touch their hearts.
So the new twitter app for iPhone is notifying you every time someone likes a RT you did? Jesus fucking Christ...
Hey gurrrrl, are you a compact car from the 1980's? Because I need more space...
I deleted a bunch of numbers out of my phone last night. So if you never hear from me again, you'll know why.
Screw you school teacher lady, I'm charming as fuck.
Follow your dreams. Or someone else's. Whatevs.
Sometimes I forget to feed my cat. So no, I'm probably not ready for kids.
CAN 'O WIRING MY MUFFLER YOU GUYS
Ask me for a favor & when I say I can't, respond with a passive-aggressive text message so that I know you're a scumbag.
You've known me less than one week. Continually call me "sleepyhead" if you never want to get in my pants.
Don't underestimate my commitment to apathy.
Don't ever question who I follow. This is my fucking twitter account. Fuck off.
I shouldn't have to ask the 52yo Bosnian man at my job not to lick his fingers to separate the load sheets. He's foreign, not retarded.
I once was a motherfucker, but her kid had a kid and grandmotherfucker didn't have the same ring to it.