@Just_Alison's (Alison Agosti) most faved Tweets...
Ah, November 1st. The leaves are changing. The air is brisk. Wonder Woman is doing the walk of shame back to her '98 Ford Taurus.
Don't think of me as a backseat driver, but as your car cohost. Full of witicisms such as, "You almost hit that guy" and "Left. LEFT. LEFT!"
Oh, your boyfriend is buying you a house? Neat. My boyfriend vibrates and fits in a drawer. Same thing.
The only way to kill a spider is to smoosh it in a tissue. Then light it on fire. Then flush it down the toilet. While screaming.
Two Christmas cards today. One from my grandma and the other from her cat. Their handwriting is suspiciously similar.
You know in a movies post-coitus when one says to the other, "That thing you did was amazing!" TELL ME WHAT THAT THING IS.
I have tons of friends, until I need help painting. Then they're all like, "Uh, we're stuffed animals."
Jerks.
Jerks.
Sometimes I star tweets because it sounds like your making a joke about something only smart people know about.
Every time my dad calls, I get scared it's because he found out I sold my clarinet freshman year of college.
Why isn't your mom on top of the trending topics?!
She's on top of everyone else. Or something. Your mom is a slut.
She's on top of everyone else. Or something. Your mom is a slut.
There is a real unnecessary sense of accomplishment that comes with picking something up off the floor with your feet.
Brian Williams covered McDonald's new ketchup packets on the Nightly News. It was like watching a bald eagle burp the national anthem.
The closest I'll ever get to time travel is looking at an old picture of myself and realizing I'm wearing the same pair of pants.
Uh, that buzzing noise you heard coming from my bedroom was my, er... pager. Because I am a drug dealer. And the year is 1992.
Growing up, adults would say, "You don't even know who you are yet." I knew exactly who I was; it gets harder to remember the older you get.
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