I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

I have my cell phone on vibrate. It really is just the little things.

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.

The hubs pokes me more on Facebook than he does at home. There's something wrong here.

I was so bored earlier today that I arranged my tampons by sizes. Good times.

It's ok, kids. Mommy really had to pay her cell phone bill. No worries. We'll eat next week.

Dear Twitter,

I cheated on you... with Facebook. It was only for a moment.

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

The neighbor next door is riding his lawnmower down the county road with an umbrella to shield him from the rain. Only in the South.

Me: Oh that's cool, honey.

11 yr.old: People don't say 'cool' anymore, Mom.

Me: Oh, my bad.

11 yr old: *rolls eyes*

Nothing says classy like packing the kids clothes in a WalMart sack for a weekend off with Grandma.

I don't just give stars out freely... you have to earn them. Oh.... here you go, baby.

Some people really shouldn't breed. It's not fair to the rest of us.

The hubbs is a little older than I am. It's ok that when I was in elementary school that he was graduating high school, right? Right?

The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense.

I am thankful for: those little packets of ketchup and mustard at fast food places. Without those, my car seat wouldn't be so colorful.

I need a sugar daddy. I'm accepting applications immediately.

Guys would pay more attention to a womans brains if they bounced gently as they walked....

I think I might watch "Braveheart". You know, for the education. Also, because Mel was hot & sane then... now he's old & a fruit loop.

Pretty sure I saw a drug deal go down in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot.I was too busy trying to shut the kids up so they wouldn't notice us.