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If u combined all classic Halloween costumes such as: pirate, witch, skeleton, vampire, werewolf etc. You would just be Steven Tyler.
Whoever says the pen is mightier than the sword has obviously never held a sharpie above their head and said "By the powers of greyskull".
I like to be at least 80% sure someones dead before i start doing Weekend at Bernies stuff with their body.
Its beneath policemen to aknowledge the mailman passing by just as it's beneath us to talk to the trash man. Pecking order of the streets.
Of all the bizarre things Michael Jackson was accused of nobody ever questioned that he thought if you were on the moon you'd walk backwards
Some old lady just walked up to me in McDonalds & said "I hope they have biscuits cuz i'm on blood thinner medicine." She was a bad kisser.
Dancing skeletons in tuxedos know that people who say "I'll sleep when I'm dead" are just lazy asses.
I guess when Netflix recommends Jason Goes To Hell for you its time to call it a life. See ya guys on the other side.
Whenever you think your job sucks just remember I need to get a signature from a guy wearing a snake at least once a year.
It only takes 2 wine coolers to get Spiderman to admit spidey sense is just boners.
Don't you hate it when people think your playing air guitar when your really playing air keytar or having a siezure.
My days would run a lot smoother if my iPhones spellcheck would acknowledge booya as a word.
Just did two 360's & yelled "tornado's back" in some dudes face. Long story short I have hepatitis now.
I've got a ragtag militia ready for the zombie apocalype and the Jesse Katsopolis hair & handsome takeover.
Guess who's missing out on a movie starring Luke Perry & Stephen Baldwin cuz their mom doesn't get all the channels.
Me & my boss have agreed to disagree on whether or not mailmen wear capes now.
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