Just laying here thinking about everything I can do nothing about

Watching puke happen is never more fun than with an "I told you so" attached

There really needs to be a third voice in my head telling the other two to shut the hell up, and then maybe form a band.

On a scale of normal to German porn, how weird would trying on someone else's contacts be?

Just when I start to regret being slutty on here, someone posts full nudes into my TL & I realize I still qualify as a good girl on twitter.

Talking to a guy who has a phone that's just...a phone. No camera, no internet, just a phone. I should run right?

I really only want society to reach full gender equality after the point my boobs aren't gonna get me special treatment anymore anyway

Pizza, because if I can't be a good mom I can at least be a popular one

Pretty awesome how easy access my self destruct button is

Odds are I'll die of a heart attack while filling the coffee pot due to a dive bombing cat. I CAN'T figure out where he's launching from.

Dinner options look like: crunchberries, ice cream, or crunchberries and ice cream

I cooked for him and he stlll came back...something wrong with this one

Happiness is walking out to see my car wasn't ticketed or towed (I may have parked where I shouldn't to get to class)

Thank you sweet idiots. The traffic jam surrounding your accident would have been so boring but your fist fight has made all the difference!

Feeling so special with that 1st trophy, do I get to wear big girl panties now?!

Cat skipped purring and went straight to grunting while I rubbed his belly...I feel so used and dirty now.

Does being a hot mess burn calories?

Today's lesson: it is impossible to talk about pie without someone snickering

Holy taste buds, a real doughnut shop that makes their own damn doughnuts. I will live here now.

Watching 5 children today made me want to have -1 of my own