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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    Gift @Kali_Mura Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 1,051
    • FAVS
    BeEaSeeKayEaAregarrettbarry70Yatich_seanyeattsMind_fukkiischameleonherefishfishnbadag
    • 515
    • RETWEETS
    jaynecomplainsgarrettbarry70AvantgardeX13Mind_fukkTups13ImsohoppyComedianDorianV_Pmaniac
    ElephartshanetheveinFadeAway2MasterOfFuryDukeOfOyl________charlzeroCroweJamPrincessBailyllvvzzzlucyworld1ima_pterodactylSarcasmo718Maui_SpeaksSkunkFartsJaySuchMauryCompsonchopper4jk
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s.

    • 618
    • FAVS
    charmfoz_its_possible__jaynecomplainsdeutschheutegarrettbarry70Scottzilla667eliostroyMind_fukk
    • 341
    • RETWEETS
    charmfoz_its_possible__dcsweenjaynecomplainsdeutschheutegarrettbarry70Scottzilla667Mind_fukk
    Just_Lee___Just_Lee_1__kkkhidBarebakAssassinchopper4jkMaxine12333YearOfRat
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    I'm beginning to suspect that my boyfriend is not really a ninja & that he moved out nine month ago.

    • 698
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezcharmfozjaynecomplainsgarrettbarry70Mind_fukkTups13ManpreetJessyImsohoppy
    • 253
    • RETWEETS
    charmfozjaynecomplainsgarrettbarry70Mind_fukkManpreetJessyImsohoppyComedianDorianVadanzqueen
    chopper4jkYearOfRatCpez38
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.

    • 511
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezKaypanRanilAmelia_DrawsImsohoppyLove140ArtXtalhg47ComedianDorianV
    • 272
    • RETWEETS
    ManpreetJessyImsohoppyhg47ComedianDorianVNarimaneTamerdcolemanuktheotherkendra_ky_jellyfish
    smintwesjohnson8JTQuest
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    Stop screaming. I’m trying to flirt.

    • 443
    • FAVS
    leifromloihirachel2manypawsnotenoughwinehippocroteezAvantgardeX13wellSpeaksJanisZepalynnstormzadork
    • 242
    • RETWEETS
    rachel2manypawshippocroteezmellowbear4Mind_fukkyoubruineditImsohoppyKemie_08BadaBinge
    LindaInDisguise5hael
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.

    • 418
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezwellSpeaksMind_fukkBruppFWTXComedianDorianVWhoopdeedoo22IrishDonkeySocialCoJane
    • 185
    • RETWEETS
    Mind_fukkIrishDonkeyRacheyBatcheyBadaBingeabsintherunnerNVR2GRNanerdonfirehilaryfairie
    Elephartcessperience_xLNcchopper4jk
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    In dog years, I'm a bitch.

    • 362
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezMind_fukkComedianDorianVMisterWarrfunnybeachgirlIrishDonkeyTheEighthKnightBadaBinge
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    Mind_fukkComedianDorianVIrishDonkeyBadaBingeoracle682__MsSScandal__anerdonfire__iCE_CREAM__
    kkkhidMasterOfFuryDukeOfOyl________ShortWhiteNUgly__
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    It's amazing how you can get out of meetings with just a little clown make-up and an axe.

    • 346
    • FAVS
    Mind_fukkbetowmxTups13hg47ComedianDorianVIrishDonkeyBadaBingePlan_BX2
    • 138
    • RETWEETS
    Mind_fukkTups13ComedianDorianVIrishDonkeyPlan_BX2KentWGrahamsquirrel74wkgn2thestreetz
    SmooheedcharlzeroMidgetsparElephart
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    If you ask me a question and then interrupt me while I’m answering, I’ll go silent and glare at you until one of us is dead.

    • 317
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezMind_fukkTups13ComedianDorianVMichabeanIrishDonkeyBadaBingeEightyoneTimes
    • 162
    • RETWEETS
    Mind_fukkComedianDorianVIrishDonkeyRubberGlueFU2thestreetz__iCE_CREAM__ejmichaels1albanner66
    thedayofthedot5hael
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    Can a garbage disposal grind down a human femur? I'm asking for a friend.

    • 351
    • FAVS
    wellSpeaksMind_fukkComedianDorianVIrishDonkeyBadaBingeburiedwithkidssquirrel74wkgn2thestreetz
    • 115
    • RETWEETS
    mallopesMind_fukkIrishDonkeyVenusRockHobbit__Grind_n_RollQckhd__ejmichaels1SamuelHLowe
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.

    • 304
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezMind_fukkquirkismsHockeyGoddess24faulkingwayVice_QueenbetowmxTups13
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    Mind_fukkHockeyGoddess24faulkingwayVice_QueenbetowmxTups13rankingTweetshg47
    hg475hael
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    In my defense, your Honor, the woman wouldn't stop saying "okey dokey."

    • 318
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezcrazy_me79ashgrashbetowmxTups13NathanpehlerComedianDorianV2muchimfo
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    betowmxadele655321Tups13ComedianDorianVSPAC3CRAFIrishDonkeyburiedwithkids2thestreetz
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    Cop: So, I’m writing a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane.

    Me: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.

    • 259
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowscbantam29210Kollelorcollegems_willowsuzanne_monsonplanetsizebrainiscream75Abdellsalam
    • 148
    • RETWEETS
    scbantam29210sbraha1kayzamanims_willowsuzanne_monsonFavstar250Dan_NemethSamuelHLowe
    ComedianDorianVTheAlexNevil
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    All I want is a guy who will take over pedaling the tandem bike while I clothesline random strangers.

    • 259
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezBettyJo_09ComedianDorianVgapperlaughsMichabeanWhoopdeedoo22IrishDonkeyKentWGraham
    • 134
    • RETWEETS
    ComedianDorianVIrishDonkeyBadaBingeFavstar25069shadesoftaar2thestreetzejmichaels1Tmoney68
    charlzerodaemonic3
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    Sometimes I get scared that Twitter isn't real & that everyone I'm following is just one of my personalities.

    • 266
    • FAVS
    Mind_fukkTups13BruppFWTXhg47youlooklikeamomComedianDorianVSmooheedscott_towel
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    Mind_fukkComedianDorianVscott_towelMichabeanIrishDonkeyBadaBinge__iCE_CREAM__ejmichaels1
    JaneDozey
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    I just saw a 70 year old man jogging with his shirt folded up like a belly shirt and my Fallopian tubes tied themselves into a knot.

    • 282
    • FAVS
    BettyJo_09youlooklikeamomComedianDorianVIrishDonkeyBadaBingeTlaxBoy05KentWGrahamburiedwithkids
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    ComedianDorianVIrishDonkeyTlaxBoy05VenusRockHobbit__catcervenyQckhd__Gobshite_lovemydogduck
    PantsDonkeyMothpete
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    Hey, sexy. This straightjacket isn’t going to remove itself.

    • 233
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezcelina_clayKaseyfanmariahwellSpeaksiconodulyPenguinCrystalawkwardphilippeMind_fukk
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    wellSpeaksmellowbear4PenguinCrystalawkwardphilippeMind_fukkIrishDonkeyjaycubed2kTlaxBoy05
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    I hate when people surprise me with a hug before I can grab a weapon.

    • 210
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezwhiteliquidpprRadioSweetiebetowmxTups13hg47ComedianDorianVMichabean
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    betowmxTups13IrishDonkeyTlaxBoy05Radio_Guy_KentWGrahamZedKamuzuwondrgirl05
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    This lady on the plane sat next to me for five hours and didn’t say one word to me. I love her.

    • 238
    • FAVS
    hippocroteeztjnomie79ThatsNot_RightMind_fukkTups13nowarrantyComedianDorianVWhoopdeedoo22
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    Mind_fukkamandajpandaIrishDonkeyBadaBingeTlaxBoy05lllvvvzzzGinaValleyburiedwithkids
  • Kali_Mura
      Kali Mura @Kali_Mura

    Dammit. I lost another Croc in the mosh pit.

    • 220
    • FAVS
    rdagostino6NightWritergrrrdaniel_frijoleslovemydogduckComedianDorianVIrishDonkeyBadaBingeMoronyc
    • 96
    • RETWEETS
    NightWritergrrrRUFknKiddingMelovemydogduckComedianDorianVIrishDonkeyBadaBingeTlaxBoy05squirrel74wkgn
    calluptome
@Kali_Mura

@Kali_Mura

apocalyptic geisha, horror writer, avid napper

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