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Only 889 followers away from 1000! Come on we can do this.
I missed the the last 3-4 day on here could y'all tweet that again?
Haha! I was called a sensitive and a racist in the same sentence. That gives me an idea for a sitcom.
When I see the Japanese flag it reminds me of that time I stabbed that prostitute on white sheets when I found out it had a penis.
Day 1 of vacation. I am definitely NOT one of those people that needs to work to feel purpose. I was SUPPOSED to be born into wealth.
I'm so stupid. I have to see like 6 tweets before I realize we're playing the hash tag game. Then I'm usually 4 days behind anyway.
I'm not super wealthy but I just shot 6 guns, drank 5 margaritas, ate lobster and crab with my fiancé and best friend so I fell like a king.
Nothing quite like that first shit you take after a weekend of camping.
My GF just told me that she'd be less of a bitch today if I went & got the boy at MMA class. I'm not sure I like her negotiating tactics.
337 homes destroyed in Mexico flooding and property damage total reaches $79.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching my car into reverse and leaving the scene.
If every one of my followers gave me a dollar it wouldn't pay half my electric bill. So go ahead and send me five.
WHO THE FUCK UNFOLLOWED ME!!?? I'll fucking find you!