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"NO, NO, NO, MY GOD! SOMEONE STOP HER! WHY ISN'T ANYONE SAYING ANYTHING.", me, inside my head during a haircut.
Twitter is a magical place where depraved lunatics shout things at random and are cheered for it.
While ultimately sad, having, "Nun'chuk'd to death" on your death certificate would be pretty cool.
Even getting too lazy to read all 140 characters, so let's try to keep it under 100 people, okay? We're not writing novels here.
Ladies, when we say, "I'm trying to think of how to put this...." the rest of the sentence is, ".....so you don't lose your shit."
Fellow men: No more topless pics of yourself taken with your cell phone in the bathroom mirror, cool?
I'm not a huge fan of marriage, but holy shit, if someone can put up w/ you for the rest of their life: LOCK THAT SHIT DOWN!!!!
Found myself nodding in agreement w KFC for their anti-nuggets argument, so there's zero dignity left in my life.
I usually have a balanced breakfast, a smart lunch, topped off by a sensible, but filling dinner. And then, a sleeve or 2 of Chips Ahoy.
When you guys get too raw for me, I head to Facebook and check out squirrel pics until the tears* go away. *lots of tears
Say what you want about Facebook, but I've avoided 18 different gang initiation rituals, of which I'm certain I was targeted in 12 of them.
When I ask skinny people how they do it, they say, "Portion control". Then I ask them, "What's the 2nd thing you do?"
"Double-tap" is such a cool word, but the only context I'll ever get to use it in is, "Yo, I totally just double-tapped that pudding cup."
Swype is like teaching the Terminator how to be human, but with like, swear-words and stuff.
You have to order either a Bloody Mary or a Mimosa in the mornings so people don't think you're a raging alcoholic
Say what you want about Facebook, but I've avoided 18 different gang initiation rituals, of which I'm certain I was targeted in 12 of them.
