When a guy is staring at my boobs... I think awesome, I've still got it. Not, what the fuck pervert.

So, sex boosts your immune system. Would explain why I'm sick all the time.

I'd love to be able to make out like I used to in high school. I just can't seem to find any of my old teachers.

It doesn't matter what happens today... My ass looks great in these jeans.

I'll follow you if you follow me is the Twitter version of I'll show you mine if you show me your's...

Sorry fellows.... The strap on is dedicated for the second date.

Hmmmmm.... This seems to be a smart buy: http://t.co/74cMhdAE

I accept and embrace the dork that I am!!!

If you can't laugh at yourself... Don't worry; I'll laugh at you!

I never really cared about being popular or well liked. If you don't like me, your loss. I'm not conceited, just fucking awesome!

Because this made me giggle this morning: http://t.co/RHsMlqQm

You know I love you when I let you eat my red Skittles.

Watching a bunch of drunk white people try to dance to Latin music is hilarious.

I'm officially insomnia's bitch.

I say hardy har har & oh how delightful & you're a gem w/sarcasm when I can't say fuck you, cock eating douchebag... around my kids.

FYI everyone... I know the world won't end in 2012... Marty McFly traveled to 2015... Only a few more years before we get the Hoover board.

Please for fucks sake... Because I start or retweet you do not believe I am head over heels for you.

The near teenage boy is slapping himself in the face with pancakes, singing a song about it. I don't recall doing drugs while I was pregnant

You know the dream where you're naked in public? I always look fucking hot, so I don't mind.

I am actually happy! Holy fuck... I am happy!!!