Not all women are complicated... only the best ones! :)

I don't like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth

Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others!

@realnealmayhem welcome back!! I might start a book on how long you'll last.... ;)

Another day in the fun factory.... Stick a brush up my bum, & I'll even sweep at the same time!!

Looting footlocker? Everyone knows they only keep one of each shoe on the shop floor! That's the intelligence of these fuckers! #londonriots

Putting a colour on mum's hair while trying to listen to @minutesofmayhem mastubate! I don't know who was more embarrassed!!!

Birds, dogs, cats, goats, donkey & cockerals.... Just for one night...... Will you please, shut the f*ck up!!!!

@thequeerguy Oi!! Get off my patch!!! You can't keep lusting over the same men as me!!! @kelvin_fletcher is another one on my list ;)

I have no wine. Bollocks.

That one friend who you used to make you smile, but then shit happened & things got all messed up? Yeah, that. I miss that friend.

I'm starting my cereal diet today. I'll be wanting to chew my left leg off by tea time!

The awkward moment when you start telling a story & you realise noone is listening, so you fade out & pretend you never said anything.

Why do I always burn my bum cheeks?? I never learn. Ouch!!

I've just realised if you click on avatars it makes the photo bigger!! OMG - you all look so different enlarged!!

Just watching news & the knobheads rioting. You're an embarrassment!! If you're that proud of yourselves then show your faces. Wankers!!

i'm hoping that someday, someone will walk into my life and make me realise why it has never worked out with anyone else.

It's times like this I wish I had a man.... I can't reach my back to put on my false tan :(

I will always remember my granddad telling me that manners don't cost anything. I absolutely hate rude people with a passion.

Today's specials are: Lack of sleep, up too early and very low on patience.