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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
Tomorrow I'm having a fire sale. If I don't sell something, I get fired!
If you watch Les Miserable while you are miserable, you will have to admit to yourself: You ain't that miserable!
Puppet Susan Rice has been named National Security Adviser; a position that does not require Congressional approval.
Osama is dead! Now can I go through an airport without getting molested?
Dear beautiful Spring weather, I miss you. Was it something I said?
Facebook might be used to decide if you are qualified for jury duty.. So I'll go ahead and get this out of the way... Hang em High!!!
2014; Bye Felicia!!!
Watching golf in the rain; best nap EVER.
I don't care Disney lied to me about Prince Charming I'm more upset about the unwillingness of forest creatures to clean my house!
When someone texts me; "who is this" I always say; "Jake from State Farm"
Dear NSA, Thank you for listening to me. <3
The way to a mans heart is thru his stomach? All these years I have been going about it from the wrong end ;p
Futurist, Writer, Strategist, Social Media Guru, Consultant, Entrepreneur, Patriot
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