My burps are louder than your sighs
And cries

Watch, he's gonna pop her right in the chocolate star fish!

Glitter is the syphilis of arts supplies

@mlaf2469 hahaha hey I give credit where credit is due. Now give yourself a pat on the back & go clean yourself up.

I want a chocolate martini! BF: "yeah but you don't even like chocolate" Me: yeeeaahh but I like boooozzze!!!

@cherryb0mber You got it! I'll keep my fingers & my labia crossed.

@fingduck & I'd be able to die a happy women. No homo!

I got my grams the new Yelawolf & lil Wayne RT “@nerdamage: I copped my my grandmother the new Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Dogg for Christmas.”

I'm gonna wear a hotdog costume 2my bros wedding instead of my bridesmaid dress.Shock him like he did me when he said he was gettin married

@thejasonmarcus hahahaha you kill me..!

a lot of posts from Obama fans saying their gonna celebrate tonight & not go to work tomorrow... I'd say that sounds about right.

I forgot I had a coffee today.... Until I peed.

The most annoying sound in the world is the voice of a drunk white girl!

My boyfriend just fed me vodka... So it's all his fault if I get sexual... And violent later... Hulk style.

"I bought Lauren hills tape so her kids could starve"

Why is it that every time I hear ATLiens I think of @thejasonmarcus

@thejasonmarcus The dick jokes never get old! (Dante voice, bro) hahahahahaha

Ever notice its always the fatties that get up first to dance at the bars? It's probably bc they know they have nothing to lose..

That awkward moment when all these awkward moment tweets stop!

@tyrhondasaurus atta girl! No questions asked.. Like.. Where's the huffy, you promised? My kinda gal!