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My burps are louder than your sighs
Watch, he's gonna pop her right in the chocolate star fish!
Glitter is the syphilis of arts supplies
I want a chocolate martini! BF: "yeah but you don't even like chocolate" Me: yeeeaahh but I like boooozzze!!!
I'm gonna wear a hotdog costume 2my bros wedding instead of my bridesmaid dress.Shock him like he did me when he said he was gettin married
a lot of posts from Obama fans saying their gonna celebrate tonight & not go to work tomorrow... I'd say that sounds about right.
I forgot I had a coffee today.... Until I peed.
The most annoying sound in the world is the voice of a drunk white girl!
My boyfriend just fed me vodka... So it's all his fault if I get sexual... And violent later... Hulk style.
"I bought Lauren hills tape so her kids could starve"
Ever notice its always the fatties that get up first to dance at the bars? It's probably bc they know they have nothing to lose..
That awkward moment when all these awkward moment tweets stop!
I have nothing to offer. Rule #32: Enjoy the little things