Gosh, you people on twitter are just offensive. Keep up the good work.

Today sucks. I want a beer.

Yeah i live in my parents basement...ya jealous?

all day long pic.twitter.com/OPRxz9Px

"rock, paper, blow me."

at this point i'm pretty much just hanging out with my ex for free drinks and illegal fireworks

my dad just told me fat drunk and stupid was not the way to go through life bet he learned through experience..

sparkle is my favorite color.

Q: "What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?"



A:"I can't peanut butter my dick in your ass"

"You used to be the shit, but now you ain't shit, bitch"

Apparently not everyone ha gotten the memo that once you have children they come first, not you. Stop being selfish and be a good parent.

I just reeeeeeeeeeeally hate paying my own bills...where's my rich husband at?

I am the neediest drunk bitch tonight

every storm runs out of rain

Go lick a butthole

it's ridiculous how much i love matchbox 20

I just love glitter so much. It makes everything better.

I don't know why my parents get so offended when I tell people I'm an orphan..they still get to use me as a tax deduction

My 13yr old cousin was taking getting dumped pretty hard so i bought him a burrito and left it in his mail box to heal his broken heart

Nothing says I'm an adult like buying a jug of wine at 1pm