when I wake up in the morning I really think i look like how dobby the house elf probably smells

I just can't get comfortable with either spelling of gray/grey. why are there two forms anyways? is there something they're not telling us?

the closest I get to thug life is eating pop tarts for lunch

if you heard how fast my voice gets all low and croaky and weird after midnight, you'd be all "what's this new nicki minaj song?" #thetruth

can't wait to run into old acquaintances in my hometown & "catch up." "uh yeah i write jokes on the internet now and i'm super into hummus"

pretty cool how grades come back at about the same time i'm approaching 300 followers so my parents are like AHH & i'm like but look!

anyone know how much nancy drew would charge for the case of the mysterious leg bruises?

free room & board to who ever can stand by my bed every morning & recite the miracle speech to get me out of bed. great moments are born..

just checked the forecast for tonight, there's a 90% chance of rain and a 10% chance of me wearing underwear

I may or may not have just googled what the difference between lo mein and chow mein was. so...that's where we are with that

@puckproblems RT & support Colgate Women's Ice Hockey in their Autism Awareness game this Friday & donate http://t.co/ocfJyL5q #autismspeaks

standing by the free condoms table, observing those who take and those who deny. interesting crowd accepting the condoms

I guess it could be worse...I could have been attacked by this... pic.twitter.com/gKMWHvrAzd

"margaritas sneak up on you...they just sneak up." - Trudy Kueber for ya folks #lightweight #margaritaville

no lady, telling strangers that sit beside you on a plane that your husband died last year and you raise 3 kids alone, is not an ice breaker

"fast food crawl"...get it. It's like pub crawl but with fast food restaurants. fun, right?

Kueber's doing it big in small town Hamilton, NY. #papajoe #gonewild @jkeebs  http://instagr.am/p/V10q0eBoyr/ 

when your physiotherapist is hot and then you some how have more than a wrist injury...KIDDING I DONT HAVE A GROIN ISSUE..but hes still hot

allergic to @liamliston

I was thinking about going out for a late night run but no I wasn't ever