I'm staring a help group, its called 'The Bi-polar alcoholic & cocaine abusers gun & knife appreciation club' What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

Was angry about FOX news until I realized it stood for Fucking Old Xenophobes. Am at peace with the world again.

Beer & pussy. Oh, & ice cream that tastes like beer & pussy. #IknowwhatIlike

Woke up. Poured gin n tonic. Watched HD porn. Jerked off all over myself. Well, thats a wrap on this day!

Geeks do it better, & in Storm Trooper outfits

My iPhone knows me too well. It auto-corrected 3 words in a row to 'beer'

Dear god, did I thank you for the boobs today? Just checking, cause, speaking for all of us penis havers, we are thankful. Keep it up! Keegy

Pro-life people want to stop abortion so that the living babies can grow up to be dead soldiers. ~ George Carlin

Are Renee Zelwingers cheeks like that cause she's still saving some of Jim Carey's cum 4 a rainy day?

I wonder if they had to frisk Wynona Ryder at the end of every Black Swan shoot...

Ok, thats it, fuck this for a shit fuck day. Bring on the titties & bring them quick, cause I need my faith in humanity renewed!!

No one man can destroy the world, it's quite capable of doing that all on its own.

I just got followed by 2 of my fav tweeter:@mcdangerpants & @justsendtulips ! I have made the tweet glitterati elite! SUCK IT NORMAL PEOPLE!

#FF @kiz4korn @sheseemslegit because there are no words for their kind of awesomeness!!!

Uh, fuck lent, fuck ass wednesday, fuck your god & yr piss ant medieval superstitious nonsense #religionisbullshit

Dear world, japan survived 2 atomic bombs, I think u tweeting #PrayforJapan is mildly insulting...

I do love #boobiewdenesdays, almost as much as I like #dirtygirlwed. Put them together with a lil booze & you get #flashforcancerwed!!! =D

Theology is ignorance with wings. ~ Sam Harris

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies. ~ Moshe Dayan