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  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I ordered a self help tape called "How to handle disapointment" when the package came, the box was fucking empty.

    • 1,269
    • FAVS
    sugoiasanoMrNOtatoHeadMu5hubeefman138WittyClittySlave_4_Uapodixisgypcqueen83
    • 733
    • RETWEETS
    Mu5hubeefman138Slave_4_UkristacollinssSouthernStylin1redpawn3YesitsAlmschff3
    SerialFuckupCunda22chopper4jkBarW38sassymcmelonsgrimpossibleHormonellaCarmel_ColemanhoneybadgerMelJuiceticlesGeneralGreviousDrThanatosoxbollocksllvvzzzbdbdleeroybrownletsdancebitchsjohnkoralewski____
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Dilemma: Do I wash dishes or do I attempt to eat Cornflakes from a cup with a knife?

    • 909
    • FAVS
    Mu5hubeefman138Slave_4_Uonume_kaicee118llvvzzzfreqnicBoberPeter
    • 439
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138Slave_4_Ukaicee118HEYitsMauraBoberPeterthetobbiertsthetobbieheadstrong_girl
    thetobbiellvvzzslyoung5DrThanatos
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."

    • 777
    • FAVS
    nutzhutbeefman138Slave_4_UapodixisA_Bit_Too_RudeJayneymooDontTouchMyWineswollenvoice
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138Slave_4_UJonSvecchoppy0415iAmDelFreaky1HappytwitBlueDreamer420_NTFG_
    _wangweslyoung5Carmel_Colemanjbostele__________llvvzzzCpez38
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    A man is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole fucking house.

    • 733
    • FAVS
    just_evolvedsneezy20340967beefman138SoWeirditsCoolSlave_4_UCueSanityHiddleDeeDeeVirgin_Box
    • 341
    • RETWEETS
    sneezy20340967beefman138jologzSlave_4_UVirgin_BoxTuffyNyCnightstalking__OverRitz
    bdbdleeroybrownlvvzzAspersioncastInamorata_JennyChristinaStuff
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    What I love about twitter is "if one of us sad, the rest of us try to make ya happy. If that doesn't work we will star your meltdown"

    • 657
    • FAVS
    beefman138djlwalksfranklinpl7Slave_4_UHowarthKaren_FromYesterdayBwanaChrisgi_problemchild
    • 309
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138djlwalksfranklinpl7Slave_4_Usam_dowen76BwanaChrisOberoiVarun13Ham6Karin
    chopper4jkSerialFuckupPeaceInTruth1thetobbieTinkerbell_Tetley6969silent_musings
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I ran 3kms today. Finally I said, "Fuck lady take your purse."

    • 570
    • FAVS
    abctrowerbeefman138davetureqthejodiestSamuraiBatgirlkrishna_vanSlave_4_UBwanaChris
    • 217
    • RETWEETS
    bandito_fritoabctrowerbeefman138davetureqSamuraiBatgirlMSWard52krishna_vanSlave_4_U
    llvvzzslyoung5chrisanna4realImKevinito________thatstings
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    If I can completely fuck several things up at once, that's multi-tasking, right??

    • 510
    • FAVS
    omnia_causaMu5hubeefman138BscotchnsodaSlave_4_Umike_checkerJacquelynWarrenTeeJayRush
    • 227
    • RETWEETS
    omnia_causabandito_fritobeefman138BscotchnsodaSlave_4_UTeeJayRushdrnkshakespeare52DNorth
    honeybadgerMelmrt1mlemmywinkler______
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Do you suppose the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice that said, "If you build it, they will come."

    • 513
    • FAVS
    omnia_causaMu5hubeefman138Slave_4_UFatFett1catemm1mike_checkermydmac
    • 218
    • RETWEETS
    omnia_causaMu5hubandito_fritobeefman138Slave_4_Umike_checkertricky005life_sucker
    FredFuxxTheReal_NobodyKatarinaKriz
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I'm not homophobic, I love my house!

    • 485
    • FAVS
    beefman138Slave_4_Umtnbikerdenismike_checkerThis_isnt_me_NTFG_Square_WordsJacquelynWarren
    • 224
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138This_isnt_me_NTFG_MakeYourBedlamSerialFuckupTeeJayRushcrazylikeanoxMs612__
    Mr_goose007
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    To err is human, to forgive is highly fucking unlikely.

    • 471
    • FAVS
    omnia_causaMu5hubeefman138mediumflowteaxstainsSlave_4_UBwanaChrisCletusHammer__
    • 180
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138ronaldroxxfavstar_historypiplipsManJuggsmrtruthandsoultrialfemmeOutOnTheMoors
    SerialFuckupLipglosslesboBJewell_d________
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I'm all for freedom of speech, it makes it easier to know who the fucking assholes are.

    • 409
    • FAVS
    omnia_causabeefman138ScrambledMceggsSlave_4_UkatzenmozzerBwanaChrismike_checkerQueenofUrUnivrs
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    omnia_causabeefman138Slave_4_UkatzenmozzeringafabAnaVillafrancaMeldiesattheendTinyTangle
    silent_musingshoneybadgerMelPARADEofCHAOS9
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    The question isn't who is going to fucking let me. it's who is going fucking to stop me?

    • 399
    • FAVS
    beefman138LoveNLunchmeatSlave_4_Umike_checkerMoneypennyNakedDontTouchMyWinekamando85ispypanda
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    Slave_4_USisterScrappyDontTouchMyWinefacciabellaGrace4u4evasmirkykevBeenTrillPyrexladyfiredancer
    silent_musingsRienMais__________ford414__________
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Used condoms for sale. No fucking weirdos.

    • 384
    • FAVS
    omnia_causabeefman138Slave_4_UFatFett1HD222222mike_checkerBrandonDeClossAmuckery__
    • 115
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138Slave_4_Umike_checkerlovephoebecatesPippo_PalmerezSilencedShadowsGirlnugzGrind_n_Roll
    PeaceAddiction
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Seriously...who the fuck would shit near a fan?

    • 364
    • FAVS
    beefman138Slave_4_Umike_checkerBobbiBrooklyn1bastardangelThis_isnt_me_NTFG_A_Bit_Too_Rude
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historySlave_4_UThis_isnt_me_NTFG_A_Bit_Too_RudeQuikfingers2__68suziQSerialFuckup
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Women can fuck whoever they want! While men will fuck whoever will let them!

    • 322
    • FAVS
    beefman138BwanaChrisinfamousTransAmuckery__HodaADA_Bit_Too_RudeQuikfingers2__LauraSanchez1
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    SerialFuckupQuikfingers2__LilWahineGidget__BeenTrillPyrexWULFDEANThatSapphireBelshepher25038479NadineM1978
    sassymcmelonsImHopel3ss
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Things you'll never hear a woman say "my what a beautiful scrotum, can I please jiggle it in my mouth"

    • 252
    • FAVS
    Slave_4_UCuddleYourCatmike_checkerRecyclingSamPlanker77OG_SocialWhoreviolet_heartinxMistressVx
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    Slave_4_UFavstar250SerialFuckuplife_suckerSeank666The_W0nderingLuckyMengMusicDarkAmbition1
    glittersparkle3
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

    • 272
    • FAVS
    Slave_4_UCuddleYourCatJacquelynWarrenTeeJayRush_satanas___life_suckerGobshite_crazylikeanox
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    SerialFuckupTeeJayRushcrazylikeanoxjohnbiehlMs612__estattinD8DIXZiadaMtBolaKaro
    akrobert40______
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    When someone gets RT'd into my TL that has unfollowed me, I just smile & think "cunt"

    • 225
    • FAVS
    SerialFuckupmike_checkerprofessor_eksThisisMrGilbert1bastardangel_NTFG_reload2015redgibo
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    mike_checker_NTFG_LakerLiz16morelimesSerialFuckupSlave_4_UMs612__slyoung5
    Slave_4_Unotfaizzy
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    The local homeless guy approached me today & asked, "Any change love?" I said, "No, you're still homeless, now fuck off!"

    • 243
    • FAVS
    Slave_4_UCuddleYourCatlife_suckerGobshite_alexisdoeecrazylikeanoxThatSapphireBelMs612__
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    Slave_4_Usaquachee__PsychographEdMs612__slyoung5MalicenwonderElvisprescleyMentalAbortions
    SkunkFarts
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Some people I don't need to follow, they get retweeted so often it's like I already am! 

    • 211
    • FAVS
    Slave_4_UBenjaw1ndixiedeadheadmcwoodyTiaan191RobRabbMusicDreamHostBrettwhoretina
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    Slave_4_UBenjaw1ngwrm2013wesjohnson8Ms612__slyoung5KenyanRedhead_iAngilic
@KelFocker

@KelFocker

Married to @gefocker! If ya don't like words like cunt slut whore fuck cunt cunt slut cunt! DO NOT follow!

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