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  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I ordered a self help tape called "How to handle disapointment" when the package came, the box was fucking empty.

    • 1,250
    • FAVS
    Feenohmenalmyles_morrisonbadfaewaterhaulerredpawn3smeempsmazizkhalifaLaFuzzyNoir
    • 728
    • RETWEETS
    redpawn3YesitsAlmschff3TheCoolretweetsRonnniehoskinslife_suckerNicster_JSLauderdale
    Cunda22chopper4jkBarW38SassyMcMelonsgrimpossibleHormonellaCarmel_ColemanhoneybadgerMelJuiceticlesGeneralGreviousDrThanatosoxbollocksllvvzzzbdbdleeroybrownletsdancebitchsjohnkoralewski____
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Dilemma: Do I wash dishes or do I attempt to eat Cornflakes from a cup with a knife?

    • 894
    • FAVS
    Cheeseboy22mazizkhalifaYesitsAlworley_7RedHeadd_1KennyJestyLovelaceCrystalfinebymia
    • 430
    • RETWEETS
    YesitsAlLovelaceCrystal_oosujifrankRisannaJonahthe_busi_NESSErinLindsayyKilla_Vee_PsychographEd
    llvvzzslyoung5DrThanatos
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."

    • 758
    • FAVS
    TeejayRushDvL305airwalk_11RainaKh1WarWithMyMindStive333mydmactweetarded1
    • 303
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushcrazylikeanoxryolwhWarWithMyMindmydmaclife_suckerangryassbastardSapphireBel
    _wangweslyoung5Carmel_Colemanjbostele__________llvvzzzCpez38
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    A man is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole fucking house.

    • 715
    • FAVS
    TeejayRushredpawn3Zi11wcahmadnaji91quinlanamysabinaslifeiiNoxSAYENbrunopieroni
    • 330
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushcrazylikeanoxredpawn3AlaaHusseinMsabinaslifeTelemillmazizkhalifaYesitsAl
    bdbdleeroybrownlvvzzAspersioncastInamorata_JennyChristinaStuff
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    What I love about twitter is "if one of us sad, the rest of us try to make ya happy. If that doesn't work we will star your meltdown"

    • 613
    • FAVS
    SkunkMunchiesCandaleeBeattyjennslynCleverestBoystupendufrecklesxlaceFinalWordisMineOrangeNinjaJew
    • 274
    • RETWEETS
    SkunkMunchiessabrinalynne1smirkykevNishelsFinalWordisMinefrecklesxlaceHollyHealsAmy_B_Fierce
    SerialFuckupPeaceInTruth1thetobbieTinkerbell_Tetley6969silent_musings
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I ran 3kms today. Finally I said, "Fuck lady take your purse."

    • 547
    • FAVS
    JacquelynWarrenTeejayRushworley_7ficklenutsmarcmorais10southbaysuecrazylikeanoxSapphireBel
    • 200
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushcrazylikeanoxSmooheedsouthbaysueSharpeBytesSerialFuckupscrapescrap______SherBoBer
    slyoung5chrisanna4realImKevinito________thatstings
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    If I can completely fuck several things up at once, that's multi-tasking, right??

    • 504
    • FAVS
    JacquelynWarrenTeejayRushlucycarindrnkshakespearecrazylikeanoxworley_7ficklenutsangryassbastard
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushdrnkshakespeare52DNorthcrazylikeanoxficklenutsSmooheedXOliviajSerialFuckup
    honeybadgerMelmrt1mlemmywinkler______
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Do you suppose the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice that said, "If you build it, they will come."

    • 506
    • FAVS
    mydmacempress_audreytricky005HallpassCanadaworley_7crazylikeanoxmomma0315Isabel_Cavazos
    • 212
    • RETWEETS
    tricky005life_suckermrs_ireneSerialFuckupMs612__DocsthenameSagDec15Cunda22
    FredFuxxTheReal_NobodyKatarinaKriz
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I'm not homophobic, I love my house!

    • 478
    • FAVS
    JacquelynWarrenTeejayRushworley_7crazylikeanoxSapphireBeljohnbiehlangellgurlMs612__
    • 219
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushcrazylikeanoxMs612__ImprobableEddiefavstar_historyShwentoSalty_Swiftglaucous
    Mr_goose007
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I'm all for freedom of speech, it makes it easier to know who the fucking assholes are.

    • 402
    • FAVS
    TMRojainfobrokerzMeldiesattheendFredzipfelKrunkedRobotmyaccentisweirdAceFarterrichjohn
    • 164
    • RETWEETS
    AnaVillafrancaMeldiesattheendTinyTangleAceFarterjusttesoroYaneAUSAgurl_cheesesmirkykev
    silent_musingshoneybadgerMelPARADEofCHAOS9
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    To err is human, to forgive is highly fucking unlikely.

    • 401
    • FAVS
    One_FineMessworley_7me_as_TroycrazylikeanoxopenchakraandyfarrelsucksArwinWarriorDiveInsideMinds
    • 153
    • RETWEETS
    crazylikeanoxJanineJCToy_A101_zazaz_silent_musingsshepher25038479PoisynFrogGothikRokkit
    SerialFuckupLipglosslesboBJewell_d________
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    The question isn't who is going to fucking let me. it's who is going fucking to stop me?

    • 390
    • FAVS
    worley_7smirkykevtaitutuvalzhoganBernardiniPedroladyfiredancercrazylikeanoxSapphireBel
    • 125
    • RETWEETS
    Grace4u4evasmirkykevBeenTrillPyrexladyfiredancerWULFDEANMs612__jonikhousehoneybadgerMel
    RienMais__________ford414__________
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Used condoms for sale. No fucking weirdos.

    • 366
    • FAVS
    JacquelynWarrenTeejayRush7thBuffaloworley_7speknycNikki_IrishohmyadderElijah_125_
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushcrazylikeanoxExploringUrMindDavenoisomeSerialFuckuphooks024PsychographEdSunOfNone
    PeaceAddiction
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Seriously...who the fuck would shit near a fan?

    • 355
    • FAVS
    reload2014suicidalblondredgiboJTQuestDirty_Naomicynicanoldicusnyapplegirlworley_7
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    68suziQSerialFuckupsaquacheeWhatAPoliteGoatspeknycGreyPath1PsychographEdMs612__
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Women can fuck whoever they want! While men will fuck whoever will let them!

    • 315
    • FAVS
    LauraSanchez1worley_7LilWahineGidgettaitutuvalzhogancrazylikeanoxSapphireBelawaIs_dotcom
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    LilWahineGidgetBeenTrillPyrexWULFDEANSapphireBelshepher25038479NadineM1978TweettweetterImSeanSavory
    SassyMcMelonsImHopel3ss
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Things you'll never hear a woman say "my what a beautiful scrotum, can I please jiggle it in my mouth"

    • 249
    • FAVS
    recyclingsamPlanker77OG_SocialWhoreviolet_heartinxMistressVxmydmaclife_suckerworley_7
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    SerialFuckuplife_suckerSeank666The_W0nderingLuckyMengMusicDarkAmbition1TheDeadAccountariyadesai01
    glittersparkle3
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

    • 270
    • FAVS
    JacquelynWarrenTeejayRushleez_ratlife_suckerworley_7crazylikeanoxSapphireBeljohnbiehl
    • 79
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushcrazylikeanoxjohnbiehlMs612__estattinD8DIXZiadaMtBolaKarothekerororist
    akrobert40______
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    The local homeless guy approached me today & asked, "Any change love?" I said, "No, you're still homeless, now fuck off!"

    • 241
    • FAVS
    life_suckerworley_7alexisdoeecrazylikeanoxSapphireBelMs612__ImprobableEddieCunda22
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    saquacheePsychographEdMs612__slyoung5iamMungaElvisprescleyMentalAbortionsYeaImCarter
    TequilaTears
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    When someone gets RT'd into my TL that has unfollowed me, I just smile & think "cunt"

    • 219
    • FAVS
    reload2014redgiboDirty_Naomilife_suckerworley_7Slave_4_UcrazylikeanoxSapphireBel
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    LakerLiz16morelimesSerialFuckupSlave_4_UMs612__slyoung5iamMungaMsSassyMcMelons__
    Slave_4_Unotfaizzy
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Some people I don't need to follow, they get retweeted so often it's like I already am! 

    • 200
    • FAVS
    life_suckerworley_7crazylikeanoxSapphireBelMs612__ImprobableEddieCunda22BarW38
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612__slyoung5KenyanRedhead_iAngilicGoogleChamiyaBeingTwiteriGreenMonkTheAssholeSocie
@KelFocker

@KelFocker

Married to @gefocker! If ya don't like words like cunt slut whore fuck cunt cunt slut cunt! DO NOT follow!