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  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I ordered a self help tape called "How to handle disapointment" when the package came, the box was fucking empty.

    • 1,249
    • FAVS
    myles_morrisonbadfaewaterhaulerredpawn3smeempst0shibaLaFuzzyNoirmschff3
    • 728
    • RETWEETS
    redpawn3YesitsAlmschff3TheCoolretweetsRonnniehoskinslife_suckerNicster_JSLauderdale
    chopper4jkBarW38SassyMcMelonsgrimpossibleHormonellaCarmel_ColemanhoneybadgerMelJuiceticlesGeneralGreviousDrThanatosoxbollocksllvvzzzbdbdleeroybrownletsdancebitchsjohnkoralewski____
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Dilemma: Do I wash dishes or do I attempt to eat Cornflakes from a cup with a knife?

    • 894
    • FAVS
    Cheeseboy22t0shibaYesitsAlworley_7RedHeadd_1KennyJestyLovelaceCrystalfinebymia
    • 430
    • RETWEETS
    YesitsAlLovelaceCrystal_oosujifrankRisannaJonahthe_busi_NESSdossantoscakeKilla_Vee_PsychographEd
    llvvzzslyoung5DrThanatos
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."

    • 757
    • FAVS
    DvL305airwalk_11RainaKh1WarWithMyMindStive333mydmactweetarded1worley_7
    • 301
    • RETWEETS
    ryolwhWarWithMyMindmydmaclife_suckerangryassbastardSapphireBelMuhamdIrODeadInside
    _wangweslyoung5Carmel_Colemanjbostele__________llvvzzzCpez38
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    A man is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole fucking house.

    • 714
    • FAVS
    redpawn3Zi11wcahmadnaji91quinlanamysabinaslifeiiNoxSAYENbrunopieroniBfitC80
    • 328
    • RETWEETS
    redpawn3AlaaHusseinMsabinaslifeTelemillt0shibaYesitsAlTacoTitslife_sucker
    bdbdleeroybrownlvvzzAspersioncastInamorata_JennyChristinaStuff
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    What I love about twitter is "if one of us sad, the rest of us try to make ya happy. If that doesn't work we will star your meltdown"

    • 613
    • FAVS
    SkunkMunchiesCandaleeBeattyjennslynCleverestBoystupendufrecklesxlaceFinalWordisMineOrangeNinjaJew
    • 274
    • RETWEETS
    SkunkMunchiessabrinalynne1smirkykevNishelsFinalWordisMinefrecklesxlaceHollyHealsAmy_B_Fierce
    SerialFuckupPeaceInTruth1thetobbieTinkerbell_Tetley6969silent_musings
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I ran 3kms today. Finally I said, "Fuck lady take your purse."

    • 545
    • FAVS
    worley_7ficklenutsmarcmorais10southbaysuecrazylikeanoxSapphireBeljohnbiehlBackpackerBooie
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    SmooheedsouthbaysueSharpeBytesSerialFuckupscrapescrap______SherBoBer__Ms612__bggas400
    slyoung5chrisanna4realImKevinito________thatstings
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Do you suppose the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice that said, "If you build it, they will come."

    • 506
    • FAVS
    mydmacempress_audreytricky005HallpassCanadaworley_7crazylikeanoxmomma0315Isabel_Cavazos
    • 212
    • RETWEETS
    tricky005life_suckermrs_ireneSerialFuckupMs612__DocsthenameSagDec15Cunda22
    FredFuxxTheReal_NobodyKatarinaKriz
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    If I can completely fuck several things up at once, that's multi-tasking, right??

    • 499
    • FAVS
    worley_7ficklenutsangryassbastard412Blazinmomma0315SapphireBel65_electraglidejeffswarens
    • 218
    • RETWEETS
    ficklenutsSmooheedXOliviajSerialFuckupnik_rishShettyontheRunSapphireBel65_electraglide
    honeybadgerMelmrt1mlemmywinkler______
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I'm not homophobic, I love my house!

    • 476
    • FAVS
    worley_7crazylikeanoxSapphireBeljohnbiehlangellgurlMs612__1evilidiotCindyBegel
    • 217
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612__ImprobableEddiefavstar_historyShwento__Salty_SwiftglaucousLMHPhotogunderyourbed666
    Mr_goose007
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    To err is human, to forgive is highly fucking unlikely.

    • 400
    • FAVS
    worley_7me_as_TroycrazylikeanoxopenchakraandyfarrelsucksArwinWarriorDiveInsideMindsToy_A101
    • 153
    • RETWEETS
    crazylikeanoxJanineJCToy_A101_zazaz_silent_musingsshepher25038479PoisynFrogGothikRokkit
    SerialFuckupLipglosslesboBJewell_d________
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I'm all for freedom of speech, it makes it easier to know who the fucking assholes are.

    • 394
    • FAVS
    cassvincetayloratericeSlinkybrowneyesGiverney666mydmacAngelaEhhElyssa_11363gurl_cheese
    • 158
    • RETWEETS
    gurl_cheesesmirkykevdaRealCyPherAmanda_TrippShipInTheKnightBilll92495674JRetsinSerialFuckup
    silent_musingshoneybadgerMelPARADEofCHAOS9
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    The question isn't who is going to fucking let me. it's who is going fucking to stop me?

    • 390
    • FAVS
    worley_7smirkykevtaitutuvalzhoganBernardiniPedroladyfiredancercrazylikeanoxSapphireBel
    • 125
    • RETWEETS
    Grace4u4evasmirkykevBeenTrillPyrexladyfiredancerWULFDEANMs612__jonikhousehoneybadgerMel
    RienMais__________ford414__________
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Used condoms for sale. No fucking weirdos.

    • 363
    • FAVS
    worley_7speknycNikki_IrishohmyadderElijah_125_hooks024reprocessedternaWerna83
    • 99
    • RETWEETS
    hooks024PsychographEdSunOfNoneImprobableEddiejusforkix13Ms612__RayRockyDogTurboTantrum
    PeaceAddiction
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Seriously...who the fuck would shit near a fan?

    • 348
    • FAVS
    worley_7speknycGreyPath1crazylikeanoxSapphireBeljohnbiehlMs612__ImprobableEddie
    • 89
    • RETWEETS
    saquacheeWhatAPoliteGoatspeknycGreyPath1PsychographEdMs612__iamMungajackiew77
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Women can fuck whoever they want! While men will fuck whoever will let them!

    • 315
    • FAVS
    LauraSanchez1worley_7LilWahineGidgettaitutuvalzhogancrazylikeanoxSapphireBelawaIs_dotcom
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    LilWahineGidgetBeenTrillPyrexWULFDEANSapphireBelshepher25038479NadineM1978TweettweetterImSeanSavory
    SassyMcMelonsImHopel3ss
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Things you'll never hear a woman say "my what a beautiful scrotum, can I please jiggle it in my mouth"

    • 247
    • FAVS
    OG_SocialWhoreviolet_heartinxMistressVxmydmaclife_suckerworley_7crazylikeanoxSapphireBel
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    SerialFuckuplife_suckerSeank666The_W0nderingLuckyMengMusicDarkAmbition1TheDeadAccountariyadesai01
    glittersparkle3
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

    • 267
    • FAVS
    life_suckerworley_7crazylikeanoxSapphireBeljohnbiehlMs612__ImprobableEddieCunda22
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    johnbiehlMs612__estattinD8DIXDafaHoTumLoogthekerororistsattar_abdslappinbutts______
    akrobert40______
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    The local homeless guy approached me today & asked, "Any change love?" I said, "No, you're still homeless, now fuck off!"

    • 241
    • FAVS
    life_suckerworley_7alexisdoeecrazylikeanoxSapphireBelMs612__ImprobableEddieCunda22
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    saquacheePsychographEdMs612__slyoung5iamMungaElvisprescleyMentalAbortionsYeaImCarter
    TequilaTears
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    When someone gets RT'd into my TL that has unfollowed me, I just smile & think "cunt"

    • 216
    • FAVS
    life_suckerworley_7Slave_4_UcrazylikeanoxSapphireBelCpez38Ms612__ImprobableEddie
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    Slave_4_UMs612__slyoung5iamMungaMsSassyMcMelons__ExploringUrMindBursey99June5__
    Slave_4_Unotfaizzy
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Some people I don't need to follow, they get retweeted so often it's like I already am! 

    • 200
    • FAVS
    life_suckerworley_7crazylikeanoxSapphireBelMs612__ImprobableEddieCunda22BarW38
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612__slyoung5KenyanRedhead_iAngilicGoogleChamiyaBeingTwiteriGreenMonkTheAssholeSocie
@KelFocker

@KelFocker

Married to @gefocker! If ya don't like words like cunt slut whore fuck cunt cunt slut cunt! DO NOT follow!