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  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I ordered a self help tape called "How to handle disapointment" when the package came, the box was fucking empty.

    • 1,213
    • FAVS
    DrFapFapJuney1981WaterLilyDreamsFaceFarterDontTouchMyWineCanadianCynMs612DigitalDropz
    • 701
    • RETWEETS
    moeman63DrFapFapgroovygrump____FaceFarterGanderGinrain4026_amesliliths_lairScribeVirgin99
    BarW38SassyMcMelonsgrimpossibleHormonellaCarmel_ColemanhoneybadgerMelJuiceticlesGeneralGreviousDrThanatosoxbollocksllvvzzzbdbdleeroybrownletsdancebitchsjohnkoralewski____
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Dilemma: Do I wash dishes or do I attempt to eat Cornflakes from a cup with a knife?

    • 872
    • FAVS
    Ms612ImprobableEddietaitutumarisbassCunda22twilighteyes08rudegal1969TweetyLKat
    • 418
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612RxdwxtaitutuTaneilCurrieCunda22SirrruhLeFreak6969__SaveItForFest
    llvvzzslyoung5DrThanatos
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."

    • 736
    • FAVS
    ma_kau_kasumuni_Ms612onume_GinGandersgtpd75Mister__Meanerpyncheon
    • 290
    • RETWEETS
    onume_ma_kau_kasumuni_Ms612GinGanderSharpesEyeViewCunda22stephaniehas
    _wangweslyoung5Carmel_Colemanjbostele__________llvvzzzCpez38
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    A man is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole fucking house.

    • 669
    • FAVS
    LOUD_Thoughts_mahatmatweeterLaceyStevenscyberdynesurefirecapsDarylchcomedyfishMaxine12333
    • 301
    • RETWEETS
    AnopsisSok_2001surefirecapsabhirupa_sarkarkken_mSherBoBerMs612stancf
    lvvzzAspersioncastInamorata_JennyChristinaStuff
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    What I love about twitter is "if one of us sad, the rest of us try to make ya happy. If that doesn't work we will star your meltdown"

    • 567
    • FAVS
    TheAngryMailGuyry12garvMs612TMRojaCognitive_DissAlBellwoodsmirkykevcoyotedevil
    • 246
    • RETWEETS
    TheAngryMailGuyry12garvMs612_NessaramaJRA_MillsringerstirlingShazzydodoSaracen77
    PeaceInTruth1thetobbieTinkerbell_Tetley6969silent_musings
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I ran 3kms today. Finally I said, "Fuck lady take your purse."

    • 538
    • FAVS
    BackpackerBooieSherBoBerMs612ImprobableEddieRanaRificjuslilol_MEbggas400taitutu
    • 194
    • RETWEETS
    scrapescrap______SherBoBerMs612bggas400taitutuKandistorCunda22HereREGOagain
    slyoung5chrisanna4realImKevinitothatstings
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    If I can completely fuck several things up at once, that's multi-tasking, right??

    • 494
    • FAVS
    65_electraglidejeffswarensdi_anonymouslysmirkykevSlinkybrowneyesCrudeRudysyphylicia_bodhi_23
    • 211
    • RETWEETS
    65_electraglidedi_anonymouslysmirkykevvampirostregaTinkerbell_Ms612NadineM1978HaveYouSeenJack
    honeybadgerMelmrt1mlemmywinkler______
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Do you suppose the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice that said, "If you build it, they will come."

    • 495
    • FAVS
    Ms612ImprobableEddienyctwonkjataylorDocsthenameSagDec15Cunda22rasjemoh
    • 208
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612DocsthenameSagDec15Cunda22WULFDEANiamMungaAAA_DavidMayiMoOrey_
    FredFuxxTheReal_NobodyKatarinaKriz
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I'm not homophobic, I love my house!

    • 472
    • FAVS
    angellgurlMs6121evilidiotCindyBegelDThompson49EnchantressMuseNickCasalini_Mugo_
    • 217
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612ImprobableEddiefavstar_historyShwentoSalty_SwiftglaucousLMHPhotogunderyourbed666
    Mr_goose007
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I'm all for freedom of speech, it makes it easier to know who the fucking assholes are.

    • 366
    • FAVS
    jusforkix13Ms612ImprobableEddieDownFrontArtistTeriBussartdareme006akarmuttallforandrea
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612damnclose516dareme006BostonCoopallforandreadool__dool________inconsequentia2GetOnDeeZ1111
    silent_musingshoneybadgerMelPARADEofCHAOS9
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    The question isn't who is going to fucking let me. it's who is going fucking to stop me?

    • 382
    • FAVS
    Ms612ImprobableEddiecoyotedevilla_disc0rdiaSlinkybrowneyeshoneybadgerMelCunda22BarW38
    • 120
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612jonikhousehoneybadgerMeliamMungaWickedOceanussage12slyoung5thebeachynurse
    RienMais__________ford414__________
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    To err is human, to forgive is highly fucking unlikely.

    • 368
    • FAVS
    Ms612ImprobableEddieCunda22BarW38DONTJIMMYMEJULZchopper4jkkevdawg808nyctwon
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612BarW38Tshi_rowiamMungaiMoOrey_jackiew77DarkDiva22Duncan_KE
    LipglosslesboBJewell_d________
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Used condoms for sale. No fucking weirdos.

    • 352
    • FAVS
    angellgurlallthingspoeticSunOfNoneHannahPaul_O______jusforkix13Ms612ImprobableEddieCunda22
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    SunOfNoneImprobableEddiejusforkix13Ms612RayRockyDogTurboTantrumtjgraskmilo9
    PeaceAddiction
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Seriously...who the fuck would shit near a fan?

    • 342
    • FAVS
    Ms612ImprobableEddieCunda22BarW38chopper4jkkevdawg808nyctwoniamMunga
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612iamMungajackiew77liketofryKgar_Horribledhahabu2blueoval150TheAgelessNomad
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Women can fuck whoever they want! While men will fuck whoever will let them!

    • 300
    • FAVS
    SilverCandyCaneMs612ImprobableEddieCunda22BarW38chopper4jknyctwoniamMunga
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612KeightNjeriiamMungaMsSassyMcMelons__Tuvescon__________ExploringUrMindslyoung5slick_when_wet
    SassyMcMelonsImHopel3ss
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Things you'll never hear a woman say "my what a beautiful scrotum, can I please jiggle it in my mouth"

    • 239
    • FAVS
    pfrolinSeank666LemmingDadLuckyMengMusictheRealmarigoldMadDamMusicel_captnmorganwestheweasel
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    Seank666ELohCaineLuckyMengMusicDarkAmbition1TheDeadAccountariyadesai01josephdesai01gwatts77
    glittersparkle3
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

    • 262
    • FAVS
    Ms612ImprobableEddieCunda22ShadwayaShadwaestattinRummyLaudedFredPollackFrancysNjoroge
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612estattinD8DIXWardahRizwanthekerororistsattar_abdslappinbuttsAtulNwo
    akrobert40____
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    The local homeless guy approached me today & asked, "Any change love?" I said, "No, you're still homeless, now fuck off!"

    • 236
    • FAVS
    Ms612ImprobableEddieCunda22BarW38kevdawg808nyctwonDontTouchMyWineRohanAlc
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612slyoung5iamMungaElvisprescleyMentalAbortionsYeaImCarterDiscoDavey46iAngilic
    TequilaTears
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    When someone gets RT'd into my TL that has unfollowed me, I just smile & think "cunt"

    • 211
    • FAVS
    Cpez38Ms612ImprobableEddieCunda22BarW38nyctwonDontTouchMyWineVirgoSherry
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612slyoung5iamMungaMsSassyMcMelons__ExploringUrMindBursey99Proof_Truth649ezanizadam
    notfaizzy
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Some people I don't need to follow, they get retweeted so often it's like I already am! 

    • 196
    • FAVS
    Ms612ImprobableEddieCunda22BarW38nyctwonJBakerDOTcomAdrianasWordsslyoung5
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612slyoung5Redhead_RockeriAngilicGoogleChamiyaBeingTwiteriGreenMonkTheAssholeSocie
@KelFocker

@KelFocker

Married to @gefocker! If ya don't like words like cunt slut whore fuck cunt cunt slut cunt! DO NOT follow!