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  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I ordered a self help tape called "How to handle disapointment" when the package came, the box was fucking empty.

    • 1,257
    • FAVS
    mike_checkerArios53SerialFuckupxrandomxgirlxlipsaahoySouthernStylin1SandytweetshereFeenohmenal
    • 729
    • RETWEETS
    SouthernStylin1redpawn3YesitsAlmschff3TheCoolretweetsRonnniehoskinslife_suckerNicster_
    SerialFuckupCunda22chopper4jkBarW38SassyMcMelonsgrimpossibleHormonellaCarmel_ColemanhoneybadgerMelJuiceticlesGeneralGreviousDrThanatosoxbollocksllvvzzzbdbdleeroybrownletsdancebitchsjohnkoralewski____
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Dilemma: Do I wash dishes or do I attempt to eat Cornflakes from a cup with a knife?

    • 895
    • FAVS
    mike_checkerCheeseboy22mazizkhalifaYesitsAlGobshite_RedHeadd_1KennyJestyLovelaceCrystal
    • 431
    • RETWEETS
    facciabellaYesitsAlLovelaceCrystalPhrannk_RisannaJonahthe_busi_NESSErinLindsayyKilla_Vee_
    llvvzzslyoung5DrThanatos
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."

    • 762
    • FAVS
    EnlightenedMoki_NTFG_jilleb163krishna_vanTeejayRushDvL305airwalk_11RainaKh1
    • 306
    • RETWEETS
    BlueDreamer420_NTFG_krishna_vanTeejayRushcrazylikeanoxryolwhWarWithMyMindmydmac
    _wangweslyoung5Carmel_Colemanjbostele__________llvvzzzCpez38
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    A man is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole fucking house.

    • 723
    • FAVS
    mike_checkerAtypical_GeminiThisisMrGilberttabbityninjadinosaur1_NTFG_Amuckery__Quikfingers2
    • 333
    • RETWEETS
    CLOheadUDS_NTFG_Quikfingers2TeejayRushcrazylikeanoxredpawn3AlaaHusseinMsabinaslife
    bdbdleeroybrownlvvzzAspersioncastInamorata_JennyChristinaStuff
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    What I love about twitter is "if one of us sad, the rest of us try to make ya happy. If that doesn't work we will star your meltdown"

    • 650
    • FAVS
    gi_problemchildOberoiVarun13Life_of_Primogleyluvmprice1006MsSunshineplzVenusFlyTrapz_BadKitty
    • 303
    • RETWEETS
    OberoiVarun13Ham6KarinclkallusVenusFlyTrapzBenjaw1nth_purpl_ladyHiJCPVampiRPh
    SerialFuckupPeaceInTruth1thetobbieTinkerbell_Tetley6969silent_musings
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I ran 3kms today. Finally I said, "Fuck lady take your purse."

    • 548
    • FAVS
    mike_checkerJacquelynWarrenTeejayRushGobshite_ficklenutsmarcmorais10southbaysuecrazylikeanox
    • 200
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushcrazylikeanoxSmooheedsouthbaysueSharpeBytesSerialFuckupscrapescrap______SherBoBer
    slyoung5chrisanna4realImKevinito________thatstings
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    If I can completely fuck several things up at once, that's multi-tasking, right??

    • 505
    • FAVS
    mike_checkerJacquelynWarrenTeejayRushlucycarindrnkshakespearecrazylikeanoxGobshite_ficklenuts
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushdrnkshakespeare52DNorthcrazylikeanoxficklenutsSmooheedXOliviajSerialFuckup
    honeybadgerMelmrt1mlemmywinkler______
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Do you suppose the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice that said, "If you build it, they will come."

    • 508
    • FAVS
    catemm1mike_checkermydmacempress_audreytricky005HallpassCanadaGobshite_crazylikeanox
    • 213
    • RETWEETS
    mike_checkertricky005life_suckermrs_ireneSerialFuckupMs612__DocsthenameSagDec15
    FredFuxxTheReal_NobodyKatarinaKriz
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I'm not homophobic, I love my house!

    • 483
    • FAVS
    mtnbikerdenismike_checkerThis_isnt_me_NTFG_Square_WordsJacquelynWarrenTeejayRushGobshite_
    • 223
    • RETWEETS
    This_isnt_me_NTFG_MakeYourBedlamSerialFuckupTeejayRushcrazylikeanoxMs612__ImprobableEddie
    Mr_goose007
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    To err is human, to forgive is highly fucking unlikely.

    • 448
    • FAVS
    hbreaker9999BadaBingePoojakPrasharkheart13CandyWarholeOutOfLeftField__iLadyBirdyurastupidbitch
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    BadaBingeOutOfLeftField_SelabellashannmartSpicyGinger69StexcyAspersioncastVenusFlyTrapz
    SerialFuckupLipglosslesboBJewell_d________
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I'm all for freedom of speech, it makes it easier to know who the fucking assholes are.

    • 403
    • FAVS
    mike_checkerTMRojainfobrokerzMeldiesattheendFredzipfelKrunkedRobotmyaccentisweirdA_Bit_Too_Rude
    • 164
    • RETWEETS
    AnaVillafrancaMeldiesattheendTinyTangleA_Bit_Too_RudejusttesoroYaneAUSAgurl_cheesesmirkykev
    silent_musingshoneybadgerMelPARADEofCHAOS9
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    The question isn't who is going to fucking let me. it's who is going fucking to stop me?

    • 396
    • FAVS
    mike_checker_Ms_Moneypenny_DontTouchMyWinekamando85ispypandaRK910Gobshite_smirkykev
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    SisterScrappyDontTouchMyWinefacciabellaGrace4u4evasmirkykevBeenTrillPyrexladyfiredancerWULFDEAN
    RienMais__________ford414__________
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Used condoms for sale. No fucking weirdos.

    • 380
    • FAVS
    HD222222mike_checkerBrandonDeClossAmuckery__SilencedShadowsdeathsquadbratJeffGaucispankzappa78
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    mike_checkerlovephoebecatesPippo_PalmerezSilencedShadowsGirlnugzGrind_n_RollUNKLEPaulTHXA_Bit_Too_Rude
    PeaceAddiction
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Seriously...who the fuck would shit near a fan?

    • 362
    • FAVS
    mike_checkerBobbiBrooklyn1bastardangelThis_isnt_me_NTFG_A_Bit_Too_RudeQuikfingers2reload2014
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    This_isnt_me_NTFG_A_Bit_Too_RudeQuikfingers268suziQSerialFuckupsaquacheeWhatAPoliteGoat
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Women can fuck whoever they want! While men will fuck whoever will let them!

    • 320
    • FAVS
    infamousTransAmuckery__HodaADA_Bit_Too_RudeQuikfingers2LauraSanchez1Gobshite_LilWahineGidget
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    SerialFuckupQuikfingers2LilWahineGidgetBeenTrillPyrexWULFDEANSapphireBelshepher25038479NadineM1978
    SassyMcMelonsImHopel3ss
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Things you'll never hear a woman say "my what a beautiful scrotum, can I please jiggle it in my mouth"

    • 250
    • FAVS
    mike_checkerrecyclingsamPlanker77OG_SocialWhoreviolet_heartinxMistressVxmydmaclife_sucker
    • 140
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar250SerialFuckuplife_suckerSeank666The_W0nderingLuckyMengMusicDarkAmbition1TheDeadAccount
    glittersparkle3
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

    • 270
    • FAVS
    JacquelynWarrenTeejayRushleez_ratlife_suckerGobshite_crazylikeanoxSapphireBeljohnbiehl
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    SerialFuckupTeejayRushcrazylikeanoxjohnbiehlMs612__estattinD8DIXZiadaMtBolaKaro
    akrobert40______
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    When someone gets RT'd into my TL that has unfollowed me, I just smile & think "cunt"

    • 224
    • FAVS
    mike_checkerprofessor_eksThisisMrGilbert1bastardangel_NTFG_reload2014redgiboDirty_Naomi__
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    mike_checker_NTFG_LakerLiz16morelimesSerialFuckupSlave_4_UMs612__slyoung5
    Slave_4_Unotfaizzy
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    The local homeless guy approached me today & asked, "Any change love?" I said, "No, you're still homeless, now fuck off!"

    • 241
    • FAVS
    life_suckerGobshite_alexisdoeecrazylikeanoxSapphireBelMs612__ImprobableEddieCunda22
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    saquacheePsychographEdMs612__slyoung5iamMungaElvisprescleyMentalAbortionsYeaImCarter
    TequilaTears
  • KelFocker
      Kel Focker @KelFocker

    Some people I don't need to follow, they get retweeted so often it's like I already am! 

    • 210
    • FAVS
    Benjaw1ndixiedeadheadmcwoodyTiaan191RobRabbMusicDreamHostBrettwhoretinaFor_Fuck_Sakes
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    Benjaw1ngwrm2013wesjohnson8Ms612__slyoung5KenyanRedhead_iAngilicGoogleChamiya
@KelFocker

@KelFocker

Married to @gefocker! If ya don't like words like cunt slut whore fuck cunt cunt slut cunt! DO NOT follow!