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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sorry I'm late, I'm not coming.

    • 2,959
    • FAVS
    jocollier18TalentedMogul40anthonyalopezallie_modeBRudlaffKadan99trashtasticaallyzaobidny30
    • 1,340
    • RETWEETS
    Tiffanyhope222ihotunemanthonyalopezMatt_CollistrashtasticaLepriConncoffeegeistMoneymaker311
    rorynotroyRitleySammichPeachCoffinclaysummersThateverydayguygreenteam15IGotsSmarts
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

    • 1,888
    • FAVS
    hythemafiarebeccaaayounggenerousjeremyTheCatWhisprerWookieOnUnicornSamReidSaysSomewhereorSundaePanda
    • 1,761
    • RETWEETS
    Steve4GodsSakeSundaePandarahmis9ReneMuller43_heyythereMr_Kapowskihardi_surya_AndLive2Love
    llvvzzlawblobKalarlisSeanBlazed__CroweJamprimawesomeOhNoSheTwitnt
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Every so often I'll think, Pretty cool how you're reading my mind, just in case someone's reading my mind.

    • 1,537
    • FAVS
    allegraringohythemafiaHRKriselljennanoordstraImSoFrancistheatresechoJace47LoriLuv13
    • 559
    • RETWEETS
    HunterStrong2sarah_stonerrHRKrisellsohanajeebtheatresechoBradleypopovichlaurajennyjoFatimAshfaq
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A dude at the coffee shop said women in TV aren't as creative or as successful as men so I yelled "SHONDA RHIMES" at him & moonwalked away.

    • 1,164
    • FAVS
    nrherzogAttorney_RedEyekeriqbaumhythemafiaWookieOnUnicornGreeblehauszubaida_taAndLive2Love
    • 632
    • RETWEETS
    Attorney_RedEyehythemafiaLaddie_McBaddieMestiza56spel_teenyNatasha65662314GSanfilippo77AlexandraThGr8
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Kids, the 90s were great. There were free postcards in coffee shops & free drugs in clubs & no one took a photo of anything ever.

    • 1,101
    • FAVS
    hythemafiamaddiefree17clairehuffakercharming_breeATugaineyowittessay__emmlandiSarahMJade
    • 431
    • RETWEETS
    Abhranil_DuttaMeghaThakmollymeriksonATugaineyowittessay__JMcNmramaridelelJamie_H23
    UghNotAgain
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I'll be there at 9ish, heavy on the ish, know what I'm saying?? Yeah, I'm not coming.

    • 902
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    NinjaPirateKingmyuhfindlayJoanStephens9crazychica120twillis517kashanacauleymadasawetwaspAaliyahRidley12
    • 380
    • RETWEETS
    JoanStephens9_troyjohnsonmadasawetwaspcoffeegeistThe_DanksterSandi_Lukhelehythemafiaafckinggrownup
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?

    • 544
    • FAVS
    WookieOnUnicornznerdforeverGreeblehausgoldengateblondSuo_Cavaliereathar351alwaysmaryanncequalliofficial
    • 527
    • RETWEETS
    1ElephantsChildMudjokivisOddest_Goddessathar351ShanaIrelandMr_KapowskiPoguePhilosophyElephart
    PeachCoffinCroweJamspazrunsnylovablelucas
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sometimes I like to freak my husband out by asking where this relationship is going.

    • 839
    • FAVS
    Cpin42melissablakeTheSibylRebornAmeyaSurwaseScienceRanoforoscarDev_ParticleMissMadisonHope
    • 215
    • RETWEETS
    AmeyaSurwasegavcnptLambar_Daarm364np4163LongggHairDC13spencermonalisasssatieyK
    13spencer
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I say "Have a good one" instead of "Have a nice day" because I'm so mysterious. One what? You just don't know!

    • 596
    • FAVS
    WookieOnUnicornGreeblehausMr_KapowskiAndLive2LovegachVice_QueenNickC46MindBytes
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyMyFunnyRetweetDunngeonJmjuktacohimynameiswinryPix_piiericky_theherowowimsotired
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A 16 lb. baby was born in Texas. If you eat the whole thing, your ENTIRE DINNER IS FREE, Y'ALL!!!

    • 600
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    Krannahfournier_rachelwifewithabsGreeblehausMr_KapowskiAggie_DolanSuvieDCsamelpan
    • 226
    • RETWEETS
    dustinddd_Chase_Chris_BrittneyMarieMpingpongPAPComatose_BatKingWeissigruby_clairejackyardbeisbol
    ashley_barnhill
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Instead of going to Coachella this year, I'm going to braid feathers in my hair and listen to my iPod in a port-a-potty.

    • 545
    • FAVS
    Greeblehausdmc1138funnybutterpunmagnatePhillipsamaMr_KapowskiAndLive2LoveMindBytes
    • 266
    • RETWEETS
    Mr_KapowskiiNickEliaKerryEhrinSaveItForFestJ_IllunninatiDeannaPiercyDaveRodriguezzJackAConnell
    CroweJam
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Baby Boomers are from '46 to '64, Gen X is from '65 to '80, Gen Y is from '81 to '96 and Millennials are from fml to can't even.

    • 498
    • FAVS
    UghNotAgainethanraddImUrNurseOmyfidgenpetraDon_A1exmlchanbones0916roxaroodw
    • 273
    • RETWEETS
    UghNotAgainngpoulosFairest7HmlchanNick_SearleschrisilluminatiRebecca_ReneGreeblehaus
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I've been mouthing, "Help Me" into security cameras for years but no one has yet. :(

    • 570
    • FAVS
    TheCatWhispreraustinbosleyShanaIrelandbarby_dswhereami18JohnIsStraightMr_Kapowskibella_contrada
    • 185
    • RETWEETS
    _VictoriaDangoracle682__Mr_KapowskiSean_BasChelseaIngerDBwiddaDBLizGetsWeirdmadelmund
    greenteam15
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Don't take me camping because if I see a bear, I will hug that bear.

    • 586
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    UghNotAgainHenry_3kGreeblehausJersey4802corrupthoughtjadecbankzcassvincepunmagnate
    • 168
    • RETWEETS
    Oddest_GoddessannefiniteMr_KapowskiComatose_Batbeccabeans76fathima_Essop3xophaneMind_fukk
    MichaelLarrickthedayofthedotARobustLoofahManda_like_winerorynotroyOhNoSheTwitntMorganJ7MsCarlissima
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, "Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat's meow."

    • 483
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    goldengateblondLexbeehonest_rudytootie96bails_sto625puns4pineapplesjadecbankzShanaIrelandemilybriannee
    • 235
    • RETWEETS
    BrittTraywickbails_sto625emilybriannee_love_skepticbashamup88jamesmclean52TXGalFLBound__Mr_Kapowski
    awescar
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Just saw this little kid try to pay for his dinner with a toy car. What a dick.

    • 554
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    GreeblehausMr_KapowskiNickC465haelSaor_Alba1314tequilasaltlifeMindBytesZora_d_1991
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    brennadinetequilasaltlifeZora_d_1991MichaelLarrickevanguy93iwearaonesieJennaraterHannaface
    thedayofthedot
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    My sister is in charge of more than 30 employees. I'm in charge of not drunk cartwheeling in the street again.

    • 553
    • FAVS
    GreeblehausjadecbankzD_Evil_OverlordAsliBinLadencassvincepunmagnateMr_KapowskiTheBigPahu
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    D_Evil_OverlordcassvinceMr_KapowskiperchicoreeFrankLWrong13iwearaonesiehardi_surya_LMMeiro
    infamousone96
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    You should never apologize for your friend's behavior. Especially if your friend is me & I only wanted to touch that girl's hair for a sec.

    • 511
    • FAVS
    GreeblehausMr_KapowskiJGeilsLandMichaelLarrickxcjen22LizHackettDDebroy84ChrisPittsley
    • 111
    • RETWEETS
    usedwigs_priscillabiwearaonesiefreakydayout2____jenn_angelicMrOrenWagnerghostfeelers__Jake_Sniff
    greenteam15OhNoSheTwitnt
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Your husband's super cute, is he single?

    • 466
    • FAVS
    UghNotAgainMindBytesMichaelLarrickmrsjohngoodmaniwearaonesieHumor_FetishthisisamERICA7cydneyen
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historythisisamERICA7cydneyenjugiearmstrongtroublewithlisaManda_like_wineBob_LawblawNickadoo
    Thrill_TweeterHome_Halfwaythedayofthedot
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Gym Me likes completely different music than Car Me. Car Me thinks Gym Me is an embarrassment. Home Me is drunk.

    • 420
    • FAVS
    SteveDutzyUghNotAgainMr_KapowskiAndLive2LoveMichaelLarrickjenlaw_11Kyle_Lippertbehindyourback
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyTeeJayRushHolyToledoKaylachestercheeto05Playing_DadLechelle_SmithDDown11HeatherDeanne
    ABurgerADay
@Kendragarden

@Kendragarden
Pro

Writer (Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, xoJane, Thought Catalog, etc.), curl enthusiast, part Ewok. Instagram: Kendragarden

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