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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

    • 3,879
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    • 2,957
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sorry I'm late, I'm not coming.

    • 4,332
    • LIKES
    pierogi_princeselfieholic1Ronoh89jake_lachNot_So_Cool_GrlporktitanSydAustraliaBeef_Stewed
    • 2,029
    • RETWEETS
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I'll be there at 9ish, heavy on the ish, know what I'm saying?? Yeah, I'm not coming.

    • 2,546
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    WalkingCivilWarRuns_Wildvictoriasudingaktunchenparkmedansmellyoul8rmorganelizabexxBringMeSweetsShiloStillman
    • 1,215
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Kids, the 90s were great. There were free postcards in coffee shops & free drugs in clubs & no one took a photo of anything ever.

    • 2,221
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    • 883
    • RETWEETS
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Every so often I'll think, Pretty cool how you're reading my mind, just in case someone's reading my mind.

    • 1,629
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    • 579
    • RETWEETS
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Instead of going to Coachella this year, I'm going to braid feathers in my hair and listen to my iPod in a port-a-potty.

    • 1,544
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    • 619
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A dude at the coffee shop said women in TV aren't as creative or as successful as men so I yelled "SHONDA RHIMES" at him & moonwalked away.

    • 1,289
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    • 635
    • RETWEETS
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I've been mouthing, "Help Me" into security cameras for years but no one has yet. :(

    • 1,395
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    • 456
    • RETWEETS
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Norwegians use ‘Texas’ as slang for ‘crazy’ which makes sense because Texans use 'bless your heart' as slang for 'I'm planning your murder.'

    • 1,092
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    • 659
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Things got sorta tense last night when my sister told my husband that Firefly was "a piece of shit" & we left her on the side of the 405.

    • 1,337
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    • 341
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sometimes I like to freak my husband out by asking where this relationship is going.

    • 1,210
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    • 297
    • RETWEETS
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.

    • 932
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    • 406
    • RETWEETS
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I say "Have a good one" instead of "Have a nice day" because I'm so mysterious. One what? You just don't know!

    • 905
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    • 356
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Him: I'll be in a meeting. Text me if it's an emergency.
    Me (texting): THEY'RE MAKING MORE GILMORE GIRLS EPISODES I'M CRYING

    • 767
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    • 388
    • RETWEETS
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    One of my 4 nephews just brought me wine and said, "Here's your Christmas juice," and now he's the one I'm leaving everything to.

    • 899
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    • 210
    • RETWEETS
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Is "motherfucker" one or two words? (I'm writing a Valentine.)

    • 786
    • LIKES
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    • 307
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    zzanders2
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?

    • 546
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    My parents let me watch Grease constantly when I was a kid & then they were all, whoa why is our teenager always super drunk in tight pants?

    • 848
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    • 212
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Just heard about something called "rage yoga" and I think this might be the thing that completes me.

    • 685
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    • 346
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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A 16 lb. baby was born in Texas. If you eat the whole thing, your ENTIRE DINNER IS FREE, Y'ALL!!!

    • 619
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    ashley_barnhill
@Kendragarden

@Kendragarden Pro

Freelance writer (Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, xoJane, Thought Catalog, etc.), ex-Texan, part Ewok. Instagram: Kendragarden Web Comic: @FuckinAdults

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