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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

    • 1,883
    • FAVS
    Bounse44EsmesMommafunnybutterPhillipsamapunmagnate_heyythereNatalie_malMr_Kapowski
    • 1,761
    • RETWEETS
    ReneMuller43_heyythereMr_KapowskiHardBookWormAndLive2LovemkhelmekeDon_EganMijwisdom
    llvvzzlawblobKalarlisSeanBlazed__CroweJamprimawesomeOhNoSheTwitnt
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sorry I'm late, I'm not coming.

    • 2,514
    • FAVS
    notlucyfucontradicatsmilelovingdawnmbichaelaBby_MegsEliHansenMusicRachelLithiumBrokeASSmomma3
    • 1,097
    • RETWEETS
    contradicatjamasternesSarahARHeartEliHansenMusicBrokeASSmomma3Tacosaretheshitmmaff2Moshstep
    rorynotroyRitleySammichPeachCoffinclaysummersThateverydayguygreenteam15IGotsSmarts
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Every so often I'll think, Pretty cool how you're reading my mind, just in case someone's reading my mind.

    • 1,510
    • FAVS
    funnybutterNatalie_malMr_KapowskiCodyTheThielAndLive2LovegachNickC46ragimyfn
    • 540
    • RETWEETS
    teenflemJamesRodacyMr_Kapowskiragimyfngoatwormisomerss__london_vanessa_MarkHendricks18
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A dude at the coffee shop said women in TV aren't as creative or as successful as men so I yelled "SHONDA RHIMES" at him & moonwalked away.

    • 1,161
    • FAVS
    zubaida_taAndLive2LoveMindBytesjenlaw_11kiralcariscottLaddie_McBaddieICountBeanss
    • 631
    • RETWEETS
    Laddie_McBaddieMestiza56spel_teenyNatasha65662314GSanfilippo77AlexandraThGr8whitestkiduloveBopeep99
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Kids, the 90s were great. There were free postcards in coffee shops & free drugs in clubs & no one took a photo of anything ever.

    • 960
    • FAVS
    salsasianMsTaylorWrightSuMastodonjennregengoldengateblondTexasxTwistersixfootcandyPhillipsama
    • 354
    • RETWEETS
    mischapetersBeCirclebertboerlandOpenKortenhoefspierenburgHarryElephantebeerbullaPhillipsama
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I'll be there at 9ish, heavy on the ish, know what I'm saying?? Yeah, I'm not coming.

    • 894
    • FAVS
    daniel_frijolesMr_KapowskiNotThatNixonkylesbehonestLesbianBelleLuciaAlbarnitograzlukazTingyS
    • 372
    • RETWEETS
    NotThatNixonXxcanistayxxDenise_FeruniSushiThePenguinanyclinicHollywithaCEGriffinShamaraBitchSeat
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?

    • 542
    • FAVS
    goldengateblondSuo_Cavaliereathar351alwaysmaryanncequalliofficialNatalie_malMr_KapowskiAndLive2Love
    • 527
    • RETWEETS
    athar351ShanaIrelandMr_KapowskiPoguePhilosophyElephartNvrEndngSplendrSazBartzSassyJinxed
    PeachCoffinCroweJamspazrunsnylovablelucas
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I say "Have a good one" instead of "Have a nice day" because I'm so mysterious. One what? You just don't know!

    • 594
    • FAVS
    Mr_KapowskiAndLive2LovegachVice_QueenNickC46MindBytesMichaelLarrickjenlaw_11
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyMyFunnyRetweetDunngeonJmjuktacohimynameiswinryPix_piiericky_theherowowimsotired
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A 16 lb. baby was born in Texas. If you eat the whole thing, your ENTIRE DINNER IS FREE, Y'ALL!!!

    • 596
    • FAVS
    Mr_KapowskiAggie_DolanSuvieDCsamelpanBobbyKretzthelittlephraseMelTweetTasticComatose_Bat
    • 223
    • RETWEETS
    pingpongPAPComatose_BatKingWeissigruby_clairejackyardbeisbolgalaxseachildRundevil6Just_Oh_Susanna
    ashley_barnhill
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Instead of going to Coachella this year, I'm going to braid feathers in my hair and listen to my iPod in a port-a-potty.

    • 544
    • FAVS
    dmc1138funnybutterpunmagnatePhillipsamaMr_KapowskiAndLive2LoveMindBytesiNickElia
    • 266
    • RETWEETS
    Mr_KapowskiiNickEliaKE8SaveItForFestJ_IllunninatiDeannaPiercyDaveRodriguezzJackAConnell
    CroweJam
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I've been mouthing, "Help Me" into security cameras for years but no one has yet. :(

    • 569
    • FAVS
    austinbosleyShanaIrelandbarby_dswhereami18JohnIsStraightMr_Kapowskibella_contradaAndLive2Love
    • 184
    • RETWEETS
    oracle682Mr_KapowskiSean_BasChelseaIngerDBwiddaDBYellow_BunniesmadelmundAJMoorehead
    greenteam15
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Don't take me camping because if I see a bear, I will hug that bear.

    • 583
    • FAVS
    Jersey4802corrupthoughtJadeLogginscassvincepunmagnateMr_Kapowskimariahhillejewfacekilla
    • 167
    • RETWEETS
    annefiniteMr_KapowskiComatose_Batbeccabeans76fathima_Essop3xophaneMind_fukkBonJovi32
    MichaelLarrickthedayofthedotARobustLoofahManda_like_winerorynotroyOhNoSheTwitntMorganJ7MsCarlissima
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Baby Boomers are from '46 to '64, Gen X is from '65 to '80, Gen Y is from '81 to '96 and Millennials are from fml to can't even.

    • 482
    • FAVS
    moon_pizza_mikefunnybutterShanaIrelandkrispythehumanMr_KapowskiBlindedbythemykbatmankiniWindyCityRockr
    • 266
    • RETWEETS
    alwaysmaryanncoracle682bitchasspiaVoltaire_QkrispythehumanMr_KapowskiMariaPsilisBlindedbythemyk
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sometimes I like to freak my husband out by asking where this relationship is going.

    • 597
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    heyillgoldengateblondnoisolpXeSthefarrow94laurakgudvangenMr_KapowskibluntslutxxMags_OM
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    noisolpXeSmohamudmohamudzoeeminemAquamomoaDoctahHuAbocadoLoberzizibelizeamaroto__
    13spencer
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, "Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat's meow."

    • 483
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    goldengateblondAlexxNicole22rudytootie96bails_sto734puns4pineapplesJadeLogginsShanaIrelandXoxo_Emiry
    • 235
    • RETWEETS
    BrittTraywickbails_sto734Xoxo_Emiry_love_skepticbashamup88jamesmclean52TXGalFLBoundMr_Kapowski
    awescar
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Just saw this little kid try to pay for his dinner with a toy car. What a dick.

    • 553
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    Mr_KapowskiNickC465haelSaor_Alba1314tequilasaltlifeMindBytesZora_d_1991Just_Oh_Susanna
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    brennadinetequilasaltlifeZora_d_1991MichaelLarrickevanguy93iwearaonesieJennaraterHannaface
    thedayofthedot
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    My sister is in charge of more than 30 employees. I'm in charge of not drunk cartwheeling in the street again.

    • 552
    • FAVS
    JadeLogginsD_Evil_OverlordAsliBinLadencassvincepunmagnateMr_KapowskiTheBigPahuMindBytes
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    D_Evil_OverlordcassvinceMr_KapowskiperchicoreeFrankLWrong13iwearaonesieHardBookWormLMMeiro
    infamousone96
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    You should never apologize for your friend's behavior. Especially if your friend is me & I only wanted to touch that girl's hair for a sec.

    • 510
    • FAVS
    Mr_KapowskiJGeilsLandMichaelLarrickxcjen22LizHackettDDebroy84ChrisPittsleySCbchbum
    • 111
    • RETWEETS
    usedwigs_priscillabiwearaonesiefreakydayout2____jenn_angelicMrOrenWagnerghostfeelers__Jake_Sniff
    greenteam15OhNoSheTwitnt
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Your husband's super cute, is he single?

    • 465
    • FAVS
    MindBytesMichaelLarrickmrsjohngoodmaniwearaonesieHumor_FetishthisisamERICA7cydneyenNE1C_Jenn
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historythisisamERICA7cydneyenjugiearmstrongtroublewithlisaManda_like_wineBob_LawblawNickadoo
    Thrill_TweeterHome_Halfwaythedayofthedot
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Gym Me likes completely different music than Car Me. Car Me thinks Gym Me is an embarrassment. Home Me is drunk.

    • 418
    • FAVS
    Mr_KapowskiAndLive2LoveMichaelLarrickjenlaw_11Kyle_Lippertbehindyourbackmrsjohngoodmaniwearaonesie
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyTeeJayRushHolyToledoKaylachestercheeto05Playing_DadLechelle_SmithDDown11HeatherDeanne
    ABurgerADay
@Kendragarden

@Kendragarden
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Writer (Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, xoJane, Hello Giggles, etc.), curl enthusiast, part Ewok.

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