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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

    • 1,612
    • FAVS
    ChemicalredheadvidadederekCookieVangelistSheDoneGoodalexxxcampbelllkashanacauleyslatheringadicloud
    • 1,605
    • RETWEETS
    Sparks_2012jaidormividadederektotalfuuckupKendrascheeriosssarahrobertsonadicloudSkyeLyndsey
    llvvzzlawblobKalarlisSeanBlazedCroweJamprimawesomeOhNoSheTwitnt
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sorry I'm late, I'm not coming.

    • 2,048
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesieleave_ahboominonionKendallJJJJJeremyMattheissemmagoescaputk8mcgarryBenjyHimmel
    • 833
    • RETWEETS
    EhmEyeKayJennaraterk8mcgarry_xLAWxDisco_NeighborHannafacemxrkiemxrkalexxa_raeee
    rorynotroyvaporcoffinPeachCoffinclaysummersThateverydayguygreenteam15IGotsSmarts
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A dude at the coffee shop said women in TV aren't as creative or as successful as men so I yelled "SHONDA RHIMES" at him & moonwalked away.

    • 1,156
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesieSavannahTrueMzMichonCroweJamkevincarrolearycnfuhrerMidwestSarabethcarbhydoxynitro
    • 631
    • RETWEETS
    Mestiza56spel_teenyNatasha65662314GSanfilippo77AlexandraThGr8whitestkiduloveBopeep99Playing_Dad
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Every so often I'll think, Pretty cool how you're reading my mind, just in case someone's reading my mind.

    • 1,084
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesieacidjulieOldGoldLBPriscilla_YEAHsadboobrevistalugonesjokebo_terrorsBenVanDerVelde
    • 400
    • RETWEETS
    BenVanDerVeldeaimeecowFazio_NDavidHSteinbergmikewaldron115nikbibahcigahrehtsPapercutFiles
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?

    • 532
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesiejakob_huberHumor_FetishmsiobhanbJasonBerlinedbritonElephartNvrEndngSplendr
    • 525
    • RETWEETS
    ElephartNvrEndngSplendrSazBartzSassyJinxedlolobetrippinInsaneAadmissjsanjeeBawdas_Bhai
    PeachCoffinCroweJamspazrunsnylovablelucas
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I say "Have a good one" instead of "Have a nice day" because I'm so mysterious. One what? You just don't know!

    • 585
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesieErika89TCsfronsnotesonthewayerinthompson94DevonAtkinson88repressprepressJaredGroce
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    MyFunnyRetweetDunngeonJmjuktacohimynameiswinryPix_piiericky_theherowowimsotiredKodySolomon
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Instead of going to Coachella this year, I'm going to braid feathers in my hair and listen to my iPod in a port-a-potty.

    • 514
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesie3reynssamgoesglamBrief_Kasetheguydfjakob_huberBananaDolphinGinaRitter
    • 248
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historySandra_Di_joshguynesmikeakaleroycocainegypsymadam_ovaries_maddykate27__on_thesunnyside
    CroweJam
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Just saw this little kid try to pay for his dinner with a toy car. What a dick.

    • 543
    • FAVS
    BrewbirdsfixyourcompassFrankLWrong13iwearaonesiejtoshea98Morgann_8BenjyHimmeleseMIURA
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    evanguy93iwearaonesieJennaraterHannafaceAuntRoseRitaAdolfTickleraveryMFwalkerHomecheez
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    My sister is in charge of more than 30 employees. I'm in charge of not drunk cartwheeling in the street again.

    • 547
    • FAVS
    gill_janperchicoreeCookieVangelistfixyourcompassFrankLWrong13Maxine12333iwearaonesiethemsmyshoes2
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    perchicoreeFrankLWrong13iwearaonesieHardBookWormLMMeiroDamuPevuAmy_KitkaHickfromlick
    infamousone96
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A 16 lb. baby was born in Texas. If you eat the whole thing, your ENTIRE DINNER IS FREE, Y'ALL!!!

    • 496
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesieHumor_Fetishnoduffersjackmackenrothgreeklsassytimeblimp_solarflareSCbchbum
    • 190
    • RETWEETS
    _solarflareTankCesarlandonallmightynippert25Grundoon67SSCCTampaflanterventionFattMernandez
    ashley_barnhill
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, "Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat's meow."

    • 461
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesiehurlariouseiffeltowerchiPeachCoffinbrookejenaworkthebellowsspankYOface13SternoShots
    • 224
    • RETWEETS
    mbozalinathekerororistworkthebellowsSternoShotsRL631r3ptar91kittenkutthroatkingnathalee
    awescar
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    You should never apologize for your friend's behavior. Especially if your friend is me & I only wanted to touch that girl's hair for a sec.

    • 497
    • FAVS
    dammitmorganfixyourcompassFrankLWrong13trashtasticaShesLitttiwearaonesiekylan_derpHumor_Fetish
    • 110
    • RETWEETS
    _priscillabiwearaonesiefreakydayout2____jenn_angelicMrOrenWagnerghostfeelersJake_SniffHannahSativa
    greenteam15OhNoSheTwitnt
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I've been mouthing, "Help Me" into security cameras for years but no one has yet. :(

    • 455
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesieSupriyaBRaostrongcatfuLoniDarkoaspaulleximcrumpbrocketxyzthetinyyhuman
    • 151
    • RETWEETS
    BKrispinskyTankCesarbrokenragdolls_yolzZz_2brocketxyzKIvoryrose844c0ntaincloudypianos
    greenteam15
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Don't take me camping because if I see a bear, I will hug that bear.

    • 477
    • FAVS
    fixyourcompasswifewithabstrashtasticaiwearaonesieEoinh184spiewarcsarah6804Austin_Hobbs94
    • 125
    • RETWEETS
    iwearaonesieTABlacketervictoriavelvettr_wolfcastleSortaBadfavstar_historytonya_jane07MyFunnyRetweet
    thedayofthedotARobustLoofahManda_like_winerorynotroyOhNoSheTwitntMorganJ7MsCarlissima
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Your husband's super cute, is he single?

    • 462
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesieHumor_FetishthisisamERICA7cydneyenNE1C_JennSamGrittnersynechiologyBrandonEsWolf
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    thisisamERICA7cydneyenjugiearmstrongtroublewithlisaManda_like_wineBob_LawblawNickadooAlastor666________
    Thrill_TweeterHome_Halfwaythedayofthedot
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Gym Me likes completely different music than Car Me. Car Me thinks Gym Me is an embarrassment. Home Me is drunk.

    • 411
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesiedulcetrycartoon_ghostatleembmonastasiagobrownnBen_Pierdeathsquadbrat
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyTeejayRushHolyToledoKaylachestercheeto05Playing_DadLechelle_SmithDDown11HeatherDeanne
    ABurgerADay
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I don't crave vodka. I crave how much cuter everything is after I've had the vodka.

    • 358
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesieHumor_Fetishbehindyourbackjenn_angelicThateverydayguyPoguePhilosophyVerifiedDrunktigersgoroooar
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    jenn_angelicKortneyFacebethvnymellajonesssshaaarjanRazzleNblu_kellypotvinHome_Halfway
    SortaBadIm_Tricia
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sorry I picked up your pug and ran him in for a touchdown.

    • 361
    • FAVS
    TheMarxicanNickSchugDanielRCarrilloiwearaonesieOhhhFordbighandsmassuerGreyAreaTweetsEditeditedith
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    bighandsmassuerNontariobushguyhanaskellingtn__smhorvickaquafreshXTREMEDaniCarmody11fearnollamaDBwiddaDB
    Eenfidel
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Still haven’t gotten over the fact that Pluto and Goofy are both dogs and that the babysitter showed me his penis.

    • 388
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesieHumor_FetishPeachCoffincouchdweller______jinkiescoobdell_yeahWalkingDumpsterTurbo_Jimmy
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    VanityBruisesWalkingDumpsterJamie1947LouisAlkire______sfreeze6CarinaMildenberSusanneMantelloribuckmajor
    SCbchbumiheartsoups__carbajalme
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    My nephews left juice boxes in my fridge. I added Grey Goose and I'm calling them "Goose Boxes." Wanna hang out?

    • 324
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesieBrittSillSSDated79MattGjcharlesrobertsKouklamichellesilversmithjesalwaysbefore
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    NontariobushguyRedDliciousmikeakaleroyfavstar_historyIzzi_SkyybradyhauptkimoyhenryHome_Halfway
    defnotscottawescar
@Kendragarden

@Kendragarden
Pro

Writer (Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, xoJane, Hello Giggles, etc.), Ewok lover & cocktail enthusiast.