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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

    • 1,872
    • FAVS
    gachDon_EganThisIhavedoneastral_alTheSolClarkeBethjAllisonMrsZSeemarkrhewerdine
    • 1,759
    • RETWEETS
    mkhelmekeDon_EganMijwisdomTheSolClarkeBethjAllisonHannahE27MrsZSeeZerobooks
    llvvzzlawblobKalarlisSeanBlazed__CroweJamprimawesomeOhNoSheTwitnt
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sorry I'm late, I'm not coming.

    • 2,344
    • FAVS
    shame_ypikomonsterdearjodustyMindBytesCheeseScissorsLiffonmelsmorkannemetcalftonywoodlief
    • 966
    • RETWEETS
    Fried_Tweeterdearjodustyestrela182miss_calculatdvilmaturcios4tunglidhSJRLMZ_NIGMA
    rorynotroyRitleySammichPeachCoffinclaysummersThateverydayguygreenteam15IGotsSmarts
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Every so often I'll think, Pretty cool how you're reading my mind, just in case someone's reading my mind.

    • 1,508
    • FAVS
    gachNickC46ragimyfnMindBytesitsjplmacleanshiellisauroLRKrunkedRobot
    • 537
    • RETWEETS
    ragimyfngoatwormisomersslondon_vanessa_MarkHendricks18yveesweevesearthto_ashleyzachattack060
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A dude at the coffee shop said women in TV aren't as creative or as successful as men so I yelled "SHONDA RHIMES" at him & moonwalked away.

    • 1,160
    • FAVS
    MindBytesjenlaw_11kiralcariscottLaddie_McBaddieICountBeanssiwearaonesieSavannahTrue
    • 631
    • RETWEETS
    Laddie_McBaddieMestiza56spel_teenyNatasha65662314GSanfilippo77AlexandraThGr8whitestkiduloveBopeep99
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Kids, the 90s were great. There were free postcards in coffee shops & free drugs in clubs & no one took a photo of anything ever.

    • 918
    • FAVS
    Donna_McCoyEdBruderSeymour_HineyComatose_BatBayJonahgachEppyMcHefferCrystalKafalas
    • 334
    • RETWEETS
    AmandaPanda1981Comatose_BatMissSkKCrystalKafalascraftygirafftyMWaseem22dudeitskirsten_vbernth85
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I'll be there at 9ish, heavy on the ish, know what I'm saying?? Yeah, I'm not coming.

    • 854
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    JerryRo_ArlnymurphyMindBytesTimmy_1889MollySneedMichaelLarrickjenlaw_11MmmYeahNo
    • 355
    • RETWEETS
    Timmy_1889YourComicMusesmedleegollumhoodallie_modeGive_Em_BellsydgfoyleTrishMetty
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?

    • 539
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueenNickC46MindBytesMichaelLarrickjenlaw_11kalendersiladanieleastmannotoriousPOB
    • 526
    • RETWEETS
    PoguePhilosophyElephartNvrEndngSplendrSazBartzSassyJinxedlolobetrippinInsaneAadmissjsanjee
    PeachCoffinCroweJamspazrunsnylovablelucas
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I say "Have a good one" instead of "Have a nice day" because I'm so mysterious. One what? You just don't know!

    • 592
    • FAVS
    gachVice_QueenNickC46MindBytesMichaelLarrickjenlaw_11jamesweeneyoungKyle_Lippert
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyMyFunnyRetweetDunngeonJmjuktacohimynameiswinryPix_piiericky_theherowowimsotired
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A 16 lb. baby was born in Texas. If you eat the whole thing, your ENTIRE DINNER IS FREE, Y'ALL!!!

    • 586
    • FAVS
    bleezyjann_marievSternTyler_seannahMindBytesvivalacrapelblanco34MonicaArrowFRYZ
    • 221
    • RETWEETS
    KingWeissigruby_clairejackyardbeisbolgalaxseachildRundevil6Just_Oh_SusannaMichaelLarrickelblanco34
    ashley_barnhill
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Instead of going to Coachella this year, I'm going to braid feathers in my hair and listen to my iPod in a port-a-potty.

    • 538
    • FAVS
    MindBytesiNickEliamaisanovo14bercoviciaValerieHsiehKE8SaveItForFestJ_Illunninati
    • 265
    • RETWEETS
    iNickEliaKE8SaveItForFestJ_IllunninatiDeannaPiercyDaveRodriguezzJackAConnellsonicdeath84
    CroweJam
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I've been mouthing, "Help Me" into security cameras for years but no one has yet. :(

    • 565
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    Mental_MistakesVice_QueenNickC46MindByteshellahellaciousKonradnyGorillaOdimichaelroche
    • 182
    • RETWEETS
    Sean_BasChelseaIngerDBwiddaDBYellow_BunniesmadelmundAJMooreheadJoshSaysGotaylorringlis
    greenteam15
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Baby Boomers are from '46 to '64, Gen X is from '65 to '80, Gen Y is from '81 to '96 and Millennials are from fml to can't even.

    • 481
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    BlindedbythemykbatmankiniWindyCityRockrMichaelLarrickBownuggetsHeyMari25ahmenindresfm
    • 265
    • RETWEETS
    MariaPsilisBlindedbythemykVictoria_ChvWindyCityRockrHeyMari25ahmeniAlexioDelGobboTotesNotEmilio
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Don't take me camping because if I see a bear, I will hug that bear.

    • 577
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    mariahhillejewfacekillabeccabeans76fathima_Essop3Your_Boy_DylanNafo786SonasDenimMind_fukk
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    Comatose_Batbeccabeans76fathima_Essop3YeshItsKayMind_fukkBonJovi32GanderGinGinGander
    MichaelLarrickthedayofthedotARobustLoofahManda_like_winerorynotroyOhNoSheTwitntMorganJ7MsCarlissima
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sometimes I like to freak my husband out by asking where this relationship is going.

    • 585
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    _rMascherinolibbyswagnerMK_Shenanigansmoon_pizza_mikeMindBytesJerryRo_ArLauren_MKempzizibelize
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    mohamudmohamudzoeeminemAquamomoaDoctahHuAbocadoLoberzizibelizeamaroto__Tifficee
    13spencer
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Just saw this little kid try to pay for his dinner with a toy car. What a dick.

    • 552
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    NickC465haelSaor_Alba1314tequilasaltlifeMindBytesZora_d_1991Just_Oh_SusannaDBwiddaDB
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    brennadinetequilasaltlifeZora_d_1991MichaelLarrickevanguy93iwearaonesieJennaraterHannaface
    thedayofthedot
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, "Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat's meow."

    • 468
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    LizHackettjacobtwopMichaelLarrickCaroline_Mac_jenlaw_11behindyourbackCoolishCoolidgeiwearaonesie
    • 227
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyg_2_the_amollyuwrightmbozalinathekerororistworkthebellowsSternoShotsRL631
    awescar
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    My sister is in charge of more than 30 employees. I'm in charge of not drunk cartwheeling in the street again.

    • 550
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    MindBytesMichaelLarrickjenlaw_11gill_janperchicoreeCookieVangelistfixyourcompassFrankLWrong13
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    perchicoreeFrankLWrong13iwearaonesieHardBookWormLMMeiroDamuPevuAmy_KitkaHickfromlick
    infamousone96
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    You should never apologize for your friend's behavior. Especially if your friend is me & I only wanted to touch that girl's hair for a sec.

    • 509
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    JGeilsLandMichaelLarrickxcjen22LizHackettDDebroy84ChrisPittsleySCbchbumJackieKrynski
    • 111
    • RETWEETS
    usedwigs_priscillabiwearaonesiefreakydayout2____jenn_angelicMrOrenWagnerghostfeelers__Jake_Sniff
    greenteam15OhNoSheTwitnt
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Your husband's super cute, is he single?

    • 465
    • FAVS
    MindBytesMichaelLarrickmrsjohngoodmaniwearaonesieHumor_FetishthisisamERICA7cydneyenNE1C_Jenn
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historythisisamERICA7cydneyenjugiearmstrongtroublewithlisaManda_like_wineBob_LawblawNickadoo
    Thrill_TweeterHome_Halfwaythedayofthedot
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Gym Me likes completely different music than Car Me. Car Me thinks Gym Me is an embarrassment. Home Me is drunk.

    • 416
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    MichaelLarrickjenlaw_11Kyle_Lippertbehindyourbackmrsjohngoodmaniwearaonesiedulcetrycartoon_ghost
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyTeeJayRushHolyToledoKaylachestercheeto05Playing_DadLechelle_SmithDDown11HeatherDeanne
    ABurgerADay
@Kendragarden

@Kendragarden
Pro

Writer (Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, xoJane, Hello Giggles, etc.), curl enthusiast, part Ewok.

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