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  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

    • 1,808
    • FAVS
    LizaSchoettmerd_weistimmyj6KirstenPfefferadamnmaximechandlershelziplomb40katieconroy12
    • 1,716
    • RETWEETS
    timmyj6plomb40raelikaycobrollinsMariHRossisommeiAlyWeatherbeeHeidiMorey
    llvvzzlawblobKalarlisSeanBlazed__CroweJamprimawesomeOhNoSheTwitnt
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sorry I'm late, I'm not coming.

    • 2,326
    • FAVS
    emilyjfordriileeyyyyycawtaCawtaWhatCharlinicola_beemaelancholicMiaMikhailsSusaRajamaki
    • 945
    • RETWEETS
    samgiustijess_jfcmyhairisbluelulacavilasmokyearlgreythatmachetegirlmaryamfqlaris182
    rorynotroyRitleySammichPeachCoffinclaysummersThateverydayguygreenteam15IGotsSmarts
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Every so often I'll think, Pretty cool how you're reading my mind, just in case someone's reading my mind.

    • 1,486
    • FAVS
    L_Roidsnicfit75afbradstoneTelehoIicNathanEkemaMarvelous_MandyDeclanMuckMahon_chloegoh
    • 527
    • RETWEETS
    ShobananaNathanEkemaTooTurntTineMarvelous_MandypoofythepuppyCanIGetAnAymanNataliaW_7NotChaseSmith
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A dude at the coffee shop said women in TV aren't as creative or as successful as men so I yelled "SHONDA RHIMES" at him & moonwalked away.

    • 1,159
    • FAVS
    jenlaw_11kiralcariscottLaddie_McBaddieICountBeanssiwearaonesieSavannahTrueMzMichon
    • 631
    • RETWEETS
    Laddie_McBaddieMestiza56spel_teenyNatasha65662314GSanfilippo77AlexandraThGr8whitestkiduloveBopeep99
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I'll be there at 9ish, heavy on the ish, know what I'm saying?? Yeah, I'm not coming.

    • 850
    • FAVS
    jenlaw_11MmmYeahNomaddyandrews24Brandon_BornKoryScrogginfreqnicbehindyourbackkiralc
    • 355
    • RETWEETS
    YourComicMusesmedleegollumhoodallie_modeGive_Em_BellsydgfoyleTrishMettylindsaykoch22
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?

    • 536
    • FAVS
    jenlaw_11kalendersiladanieleastmannotoriousPOBSamReidSaysariscottWhoopdeedoo22seethenare
    • 526
    • RETWEETS
    PoguePhilosophyElephartNvrEndngSplendrSazBartzSassyJinxedlolobetrippinInsaneAadmissjsanjee
    PeachCoffinCroweJamspazrunsnylovablelucas
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I say "Have a good one" instead of "Have a nice day" because I'm so mysterious. One what? You just don't know!

    • 589
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    jenlaw_11jamesweeneyoungKyle_LippertseethenaremrsjohngoodmaniwearaonesieErika89tcsfrons
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyMyFunnyRetweetDunngeonJmjuktacohimynameiswinryPix_piiericky_theherowowimsotired
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    A 16 lb. baby was born in Texas. If you eat the whole thing, your ENTIRE DINNER IS FREE, Y'ALL!!!

    • 560
    • FAVS
    AdxmJxnesssxjj_BrendanAguilarkeiranburnettalicynjeanjared_42magdalenaawIm_A_Murse
    • 214
    • RETWEETS
    elblanco34AdxmJxnesbarbzbuitragoMullinKjmaddi_the_fattyradoliviaMistorResistormayageisel
    ashley_barnhill
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Instead of going to Coachella this year, I'm going to braid feathers in my hair and listen to my iPod in a port-a-potty.

    • 517
    • FAVS
    jenlaw_11itsjustkhinPaul_Bautistaiwearaonesie3reynssamgoesglamBrief_Kasetheguydf
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    Paul_Bautistaaye_ohDanielHill_NCfavstar_historySandra_Di_joshguynesmikeakaleroycocainegypsy
    CroweJam
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I've been mouthing, "Help Me" into security cameras for years but no one has yet. :(

    • 559
    • FAVS
    superklutzygirlJaicoJaneJacobGrahampeach_cupTylerDianadanalldredgecaseyhatesboyssabrinaluvsian
    • 181
    • RETWEETS
    ChelseaIngerDBwiddaDBYellow_BunniesmadelmundAJMooreheadJoshSaysGotaylorringlisschallalah
    greenteam15
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Baby Boomers are from '46 to '64, Gen X is from '65 to '80, Gen Y is from '81 to '96 and Millennials are from fml to can't even.

    • 475
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    HeyMari25ahmenindresfmballookeyWoryM7thekaijuShuvaShanetimloganphoto
    • 261
    • RETWEETS
    HeyMari25ahmeniAlexioDelGobboTotesNotEmilioblokealexMegaMan435DimExcusesdaveespley
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Don't take me camping because if I see a bear, I will hug that bear.

    • 556
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    NicoooSuaveredherringbearPippaPereiraMadeThisUpsirisolaanythingatoncesabrinaluvsiancyclelogical29
    • 148
    • RETWEETS
    DaniCarmody11gablima_spaulatttttVioletThunkVaguelyFunnyDanOliviaBillereli_wrenmkniebur
    thedayofthedotARobustLoofahManda_like_winerorynotroyOhNoSheTwitntMorganJ7MsCarlissima
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Just saw this little kid try to pay for his dinner with a toy car. What a dick.

    • 543
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    BrewbirdsfixyourcompassFrankLWrong13iwearaonesiejtoshea98Morgann_8BenjyHimmeleseMIURA
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    evanguy93iwearaonesieJennaraterHannafaceAuntRoseRitaAdolfTickleraveryMFwalkerHomecheez
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    My sister is in charge of more than 30 employees. I'm in charge of not drunk cartwheeling in the street again.

    • 548
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    jenlaw_11gill_janperchicoreeCookieVangelistfixyourcompassFrankLWrong13Maxine12333iwearaonesie
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    perchicoreeFrankLWrong13iwearaonesieHardBookWormLMMeiroDamuPevuAmy_KitkaHickfromlick
    infamousone96
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, "Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat's meow."

    • 464
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    jenlaw_11behindyourbackCoolishCoolidgeiwearaonesiehurlariouseiffeltowerchiPeachCoffinbrookejena
    • 224
    • RETWEETS
    mbozalinathekerororistworkthebellowsSternoShotsRL631r3ptar91kittenkutthroatkingnathalee
    awescar
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Sometimes I like to freak my husband out by asking where this relationship is going.

    • 551
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    VeloGlassokjashDaniel_Veidt3nicoley128daniel_frijoleskaylenroseSoundsLikeLeedawesy22
    • 133
    • RETWEETS
    YourComicMusepartyhardanwild_ky_jellyfishstevensladykDuncanGBigsby29pupbroofdogjjhoopsmua
    13spencer
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    You should never apologize for your friend's behavior. Especially if your friend is me & I only wanted to touch that girl's hair for a sec.

    • 507
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    xcjen22LizHackettDDebroy84ChrisPittsleySCbchbumJackieKrynskiMortimusgerbildisc_leo
    • 111
    • RETWEETS
    usedwigs_priscillabiwearaonesiefreakydayout2____jenn_angelicMrOrenWagnerghostfeelers__Jake_Sniff
    greenteam15OhNoSheTwitnt
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Your husband's super cute, is he single?

    • 463
    • FAVS
    mrsjohngoodmaniwearaonesieHumor_FetishthisisamERICA7cydneyenNE1C_JennSamGrittnerndseifi
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historythisisamERICA7cydneyenjugiearmstrongtroublewithlisaManda_like_wineBob_LawblawNickadoo
    Thrill_Tweeter__Home_Halfwaythedayofthedot
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    Gym Me likes completely different music than Car Me. Car Me thinks Gym Me is an embarrassment. Home Me is drunk.

    • 415
    • FAVS
    jenlaw_11Kyle_Lippertbehindyourbackmrsjohngoodmaniwearaonesiedulcetrycartoon_ghostatleemb
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyTeeJayRushHolyToledoKaylachestercheeto05Playing_DadLechelle_SmithDDown11HeatherDeanne
    ABurgerADay
  • Kendragarden
      Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden

    When I'm meditating, I think positive thoughts like, Oooh I am such a badass for meditating.

    • 387
    • FAVS
    CMo1285redwristEHarms1122audiogirl5272april_ames_anythingatonceIchabodSkeezixyadamnhippies
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    SArmstrong777SoundsLikeLeeRLopez617oc1863KayceeBartelsReisspuddingmaknae_meganTehScud
@Kendragarden

@Kendragarden
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Writer (Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, xoJane, Hello Giggles, etc.), curl enthusiast, part Ewok.

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