"Oh sorry, you're eating lunch. I'll come back with this ridiculous question or request later." - nobody in my office, ever

The thing about Twitter is, it really requires a great deal of mental discipline & editorial rigor in order to craft a concise message that

As someone who got my life back after seeking help for depression, this piece from @robdelaney hits home. http://t.co/VYOfNiqF

Last night I dreamt of ordering a pizza. Tonight I *will* order a pizza. This is for all you kids out there: Dreams really can come true.

Tied for 21st in Shorty Awards "Best Humor on Twitter" category: @simonpegg and Sarah Palin. Hee. http://shortyawards.com/category/humor/2

@sambaintv @simonblackwell The "reverred" Chris Morris interviewed (by a twit) on American public radio #FourLions. http://bit.ly/aYZyt9

All right, guys - I'm off to Zumba class!!! *falls off couch laughing, knocks over wine bottle*

Average day: 20% work, 20% Twitter, 10% smoking, 50% wishing for a Whack-A-Mole mallet every time that one girl pops up out of her cubicle.

RT @andystantontm: Computers make loneliness fun!

I have arrived at the office. Another day, another BOOZE-FUELED SEX ROMP.

Since my niece was born 2 weeks ago, we've had an earthquake and a hurricane. Clearly she is the new Oprah.

@mooseallain "I'm going to Control-Z my shoe laces"

Here, these Valentine candy hearts are for you, Twitter. http://t.co/jCN4952d

WANT! @laurasparling have you seen these? http://t.co/mN86MdIa

If there's anyone left on Twitter not following him, sort it out: #FF & RT @mooseallain
My parents gave me funny looks.

Breaking News: Fonzie downgraded from Aaa to Aa.

Some might say I'm hormonal but I prefer to call it "face-punchy."

@thesimonevans @rogerquimbly And we use all the extra "U"'s we save (in color, favorite, etc) to spell U-S-A! U-S-A!

Roses for sure, daffodils maybe. I don't care for lilies, now give me a baby.

Who better than LL Cool J to lead us through these troubled times?