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I don't ever want a guy to give me flowers. Just one more thing in our relationship that I have to watch die.
I can't tie a knot in a cherry stem but that's only because a cherry stem is tiny and I'm used to huge black penises.
Every time you #FF someone who already has a ton of followers, I cut myself...another slice of cake ;) Of suicide. Suicide cake.
Listening to Usher's "Let It Burn" made me feel a shit ton better when I first found out I had Chlamydia.
People who wear plaid all the time seem to be pretty confident that fat people won't mistake them for picnic blankets and sit on them.
It's almost as if men are willing to do anything to get laid other than be a genuinely nice person.
Clowns are a great reminder that sometimes pedophiles like to drive tiny cars instead of vans.
Currently waiting to be arrested for lying when I clicked yes about reading the terms and conditions of everything ever.
Thinking about making my AVI a picture of me puckering my lips just so you all know that I could be a model but I choose not to be.
Thank you, Google, for adding a voice feature that allows me to search for "Asians giving blow jobs underwater" by saying it out loud!
My mom made me wash some dishes and now I totally understand what slavery was like.
Scared that I may be the only teenager without a meaningless tattoo or drug problem. Oh well. At least I have herpes.
I'm pretty sure that my soul mate was killed in a car accident when he was a little kid.
Yes, girls who play video games, you are very cool but you know what's even cooler? Shutting up and making a sandwich. Also, blowjobs.
Who do I have to fuck to prove that I don't try to get what I want by fucking people?
OKAY, THERE'S ACTUALLY A GUY INTERESTED IN ME, WHAT DO I DO?!!! FEED HIM POISON?!
I'm probably just an empty hipster blog of a person that spins a joke in circles.
