Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I always get happy when I see horrible parenting knowing that there will be strippers available to my kids when they get older.
Kim Jong Il is dead but WWE is trending. I love America.
I'm going to name my middle child Ampersand so I can type things like, "my three kids Jenny & Johnny..."
I've done the math and there is no sleeping position in physics that could make me wake up with this hair.
Dear Porn; I really don't think you're supposed to put your fist in there.
Try imagining that when people use the term "Christmas Shopping" they mean "Masturbating" it makes office conversations 96% more tolerable.
If you've never had a fluorescent lightbulb thrown at you, you've never really been in love.
If I were Italian, I would occassionally put on a suit and ask strangers if they could "do me a personal favor" and watch their polite fear.
My favorite Christmas movie is "Seven" Gweneth Paltrow's head in a box is the ultimate "Gift of the Magi"
How long do you think it takes mechanics to stop giggling when a woman asks them to check all her fluids?
The scariest moment of my childhood was the moment I realized that no matter what I do, I'll never get away from me.
nerds never have a problem taking it to the next level.
You already know me. I'm just hitting the reset button.
If 16 year old me ever found out that I hadn't slept with Alanis Morissette yet he'd be so fucking pissed.
If a girl comes over for sex every Sunday night but never officially tells me she's coming over am under any obligation to clean my house?
If awkward had a champion, I'd proudly be walking around with the belt.
Where does one purchase a cock sized santa hat?
Hey look at what I can make your toes do!
A comma is just a period that's like, whatever.