Black guys probably wouldn't use a time machine to go into the past

My dog just tried to jump up on the couch and missed completely.. You could actually see the embarrassment in his face

I want Morgan Freeman to be my grandpa just so he could tell me bed time stories

@diplo I took your advice.. I expressed myself now I'm locked up in Dade county.. You got me on bail?

My chicks clit is so big that she holds it in her hand and says "You want dis dick?"

Birds fly south for the winter but the smart ones live in Home Depot

😳 - Bout to cum
😫 - Cumming
😝 - Came
😋 - Ermahgerd

Beer googles are our built-in Instagram filters

Don't ask me to play "black music" then get all uppity when I drop some Swahili drums.. You should of been more specific with your racism

Isn't it really happy 10,483,383 new year or we still doing the BC/AD thing

Why you getting in people's business? Idk maybe because it's posted all over the Internet?

I'm surprised more woman aren't in the construction industry because they seem to love toolbags..

South Jersey.. Where people purposely step on a crack to break their mother's back so they can steal her pain killers

Shoobies don't even pick up their ice cream wrappers when they're on the beach what makes you think they'll help us rebuild..

Meatloaf was talking about licking butt hole when he said "I will do anything for love.. But I won't do that"

The best way to kill butterflies in your stomach is drown them with vodka

5 years from now there's going to be a special on CNBC titled "Where Facebook went wrong"

The world keeps revolving if you miss an industry night I promise

If Obama wins then the after party's at the 40/40 Club and if Mitt wins then the after party's at Linwood Country Club

What's the most polite way to tell a female she's fuckin psycho?