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Lady Gaga proves you can be weird without the hassle of being interesting.
I wonder how many pregnancies have resulted from the phrase, “We don’t have to do anything.”
Anyway, to make a long story short, God has chosen me.
I haven't seen it, but I have a bad feeling Fast and Furious 6 is not an accurate representation of the book.
With a little bit of apathy we can stop benefits and fundraisers in our lifetime .
Almost anyone's biography could be called: I Heard He Was An Asshole.
It's hard to find a Mother's Day card that isn't overtly sentimental. I'd like to find one that reads: "Hey, we all make mistakes."
Happy 2013! Can't wait to throw out the junk food and dig it out of the garbage in the middle of the night like a raccoon in a trailer park.
What doesn't kill you makes you a burden to someone else.
Guys who wear their wallets on a chain never have more than $5. The chains are just leashes to keep their wallets from biting other wallets.
My cat is asleep on my lap and he's so damn sweet I don't want to move. It's been five days now.
I don’t have a fear of dying. I have a fear of not dying.
At a restaurant and just poured the rest of old martini into new martini. The words "class act" come to mind.
All relationships should end in a duel.
Every time I drive by the billboard that reads: 'You can sleep when you're dead." I think to myself, "then what are we waiting for?"
Has anyone ever read a book of poetry from cover to cover? I think it's better than cutting.
I know "get up" isn't much of a to do list but it seems like a lot right now.
I had a vegan wrap or was it a toilet paper roll?
1)identify the problem. 2)discuss it on a talk show w/a dr. who isn't a dr. 3)accept bumper sticker advice. 4)go home w/Sea World tickets.
Skinny jeans make skinny people look malnourished and fat people look over fed. The worst fashion trend since the tube top.