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If you read one book this year...you've read more than half of the people in the USA.
Lady Gaga proves you can be weird without the hassle of being interesting.
Stayed up last night to finish orange juice before the expiration date. That's how I do everything, at the absolute last minute.
I wonder how many pregnancies have resulted from the phrase, “We don’t have to do anything.”
Anyway, to make a long story short, God has chosen me.
I haven't seen it, but I have a bad feeling Fast and Furious 6 is not an accurate representation of the book.
Do all kids have ADHD and Asperger's? Isn't it possible that some of them just have lousy personalities like their parents?
With a little bit of apathy we can stop benefits and fundraisers in our lifetime .
Almost anyone's biography could be called: I Heard He Was An Asshole.
How about a show called: "America's Got Predators with Talent". They'll find the next Liberace, Woody Allen, Roman Polanski, etc.
It's hard to find a Mother's Day card that isn't overtly sentimental. I'd like to find one that reads: "Hey, we all make mistakes."
Just realized Adam Ant is adamant . You live and you learn to uncover life's greatest mysteries.
Cracker isn't insulting enough. We need to put our heads together and find a word to shun racial-slurring-white bigots. Republican is taken.
Happy 2013! Can't wait to throw out the junk food and dig it out of the garbage in the middle of the night like a raccoon in a trailer park.
I'd like to see the contracts for the American Apparel models. I'm guessing they read as follows: Don't tell your parents, okay?
Sign here X
What doesn't kill you makes you a burden to someone else.
Guys who wear their wallets on a chain never have more than $5. The chains are just leashes to keep their wallets from biting other wallets.
My cat is asleep on my lap and he's so damn sweet I don't want to move. It's been five days now.
I don’t have a fear of dying. I have a fear of not dying.
A neighbor knocked on my door to tell me, "coyotes are around so I BETTER keep my gate closed." I'm fine w/coyotes. The gate is for you.