Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Only I can hold myself back from accomplishing my goals.
I'm not stupid enough to get in my way.
You shouldn't be either.
Have fun at school today, kids. If you get hungry, pick on a weak looking kid and steal his lunch. Don't talk to any faggots today either.
Who are these people who just tweet, never star or rt. Bunch of assholes.
Listen, you're not my type but that's why I have light switches so don't let it put you off.
You can't have sucks without U.
You know that feeling when you're going through your wedding pics & it seems like they belong to somebody else? Yea, me too.
Trees believe in creationism
I wanted a puppy so I adopted one and then it turned into a dog. I'm furious.
Trees got us addicted to oxygen
Twitter is the ultimate guide for wasting time preciously.
A curry so hot that you cry and pray for forgiveness when you're on the toilet the next day as you listen to Alanis singing Thank you India
If you fuck the life out of someone, does that make you a necrophiliac?
George Michael masturbating, eatin' some Twizzlers and watchin' The Lost Boys!
cool thing about me is my tongue has been stuck to a cold iron swing set this whole time
I like rainy-day drives through nowhere-in-particular. It's okay, I'd fall in love with me too.
I'm just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to help me put a bunch of ducks in my car.
A toddler gets as excited about an unnecessary bandaid being put on them as a rich Housewife gets about an unnecessary diamond bracelet.
The party is BYOB, bring your own bobcat, idk find a bobcat and bring it
Okay everyone is an asshole, let's move on.
There once was a man from Nantucket.. I am that man.. and this is my story..