Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Don't worry, Destiny fans. Your mom's Loot Cave never closes.
*spikes Mountain Dew on pavement, skateboards off volcano*
If your breath smells like ass that's bad news for your breath but decent news for your ass.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
I feel amazing today, tell all your friends.
I went back on time to tell myself never to travel back in time.
I'm not single, I'm just really faithful to my unattainable twitter crush.
Trim your nails BEFORE you do anything with your butthole.
I feel that saying Canadian beaver is redundant.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds & whey.
Along came a spider, who climbed up inside her & she was never quite the same.
If your partner asks, "Do you love your phone more than you love me?"
Calm the fuck down dudes that wear bracelets and a watch, just calm the fuck down.
Due to inflation your two cents is now worth no one cares.
"Fuck it, let's just sell all the alcohol in bulk" - Costco
Saw a kid on the train fall asleep face first in his 3DS while playing Pokemon and for a brief moment everything in the universe was perfect
Game Of The Year so far for me is MarioKart 8 on the WiiU. Best with WiiU Pro controllers. Bowser. Sport bike. Slick tires.
New courses & crossovers in Mario Kart 8 are welcome but man what I’d give for BATTLE MODE ARENAS.
"Let's sponge paint the bathroom!" - everyone's mom in the 90s
Smash your phone on the ground.
Now tell it you're sorry. Didn't fix it, did it?
Now that I'm older I don't prematurely ejaculate.
I ejaculate very maturely.
There once was a man from Nantucket.. I am that man.. and this is my story..