Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Don't worry, Destiny fans. Your mom's Loot Cave never closes.
*spikes Mountain Dew on pavement, skateboards off volcano*
If your breath smells like ass that's bad news for your breath but decent news for your ass.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
I feel amazing today, tell all your friends.
I went back on time to tell myself never to travel back in time.
I'm not single, I'm just really faithful to my unattainable twitter crush.
Trim your nails BEFORE you do anything with your butthole.
I feel that saying Canadian beaver is redundant.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds & whey.
Along came a spider, who climbed up inside her & she was never quite the same.
If your partner asks, "Do you love your phone more than you love me?"
Calm the fuck down dudes that wear bracelets and a watch, just calm the fuck down.
Due to inflation your two cents is now worth no one cares.
"Fuck it, let's just sell all the alcohol in bulk" - Costco
There once was a man from Nantucket.. I am that man.. and this is my story..