Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Your beard is a world that I wanna live in.
It's cool to make Michael Jackson/Whitney Houston jokes the day they die, but I wait 6 days to make a Paul Walker joke and I'm a twat? MMKAY
What do you call a zombie on fire?
*Hops in handbasket, pulls magic lever and descends into hell while doing a pagent wave*
Can all the weird Paul Walker "mourners" who didn't personally know him go start their own group on facebook or something? Fucksakes...
My girlfriend walked in on me masturbating with a condom on earlier and asked me what I was doing. I told her i was packing her lunch.
Facebook: Had a great Thanksgiving with the family!
Twitter: Had a Cool Whip bowl of Froot Loops, wondering where it all went wrong.
And in today's episode of "They Were High When They Named It", we present the Eggplant.
Every time I tweet something sad and inadequate, i think to myself.... Hey, I just subtweeted my ex bf's penis
i just wish
as i do
You really don't need to drive me crazy.....I'm close enough to walk.
My survival skills include:
1. Killing spiders.
2. Pretending not to be home.
3. Sniffing glue.
4. Lying a lot. (I never kill spiders)
I'd like to go to Canada but I don't even know how to drive a moose.
Nothing is more terrifying than a white cab driver. You're going to kill me, aren't you?
I wrote a short poem:
Pill popper, takin' those crazy pills
Pill popper, nobody sees her cry.
Maybe it's more of a song.
My left foot on your right shoulder.
It's not gay if you were hungry and broke.
the only dates i get are updates
I have perfected being a semi-functional wino
- best conversation ever
There once was a man from Nantucket.. I am that man.. and this is my story..