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Three steps to academic respect:
1. Go to library
2. Open all the books
3. Be like 'These are wrong.'
Congrats on turning 16. Here is a license to drive several tons of metal at high speeds.
"Thank u I just discovered weed"
I scream. You scream. We're all screaming. This is awesome.
What if Aliens are just really into our butts? What if humans have the galaxies top butts? Great job everyone.
I apologize sir but we're all out of Mohicans.
What am I doing today? Well I forgot my headphones so probably murders.
'I'm feeling a little horse'.
It's called a pony and I would be more comfortable if you left my farm now sir.
Hot tubs are great for when you want to feel like you are the main ingredient in a soup no one wants.
I want a burger or an emotionally satisfying life.
If the plot of Fresh Prince had been reversed and Carlton had to go live in Philly it probably would have been on HBO.
#TupacHologramOffStage Tupac's Children run to him excitedly, he goes to hug them as they pass through him into Dr. Dre's waiting embrace.
A Pregnant lady in a sleeping bag is pretty much a turducken to a bear.
I've got a raging hadron. For science.
BREAKING: Republican nomination clinched by dog wearing sunglasses who wandered into a debate. Crowd could not stop chanting USA. #PrezDog
The boy who cried wolf should be renamed 'The town who let a little boy be eaten by a wolf to teach him a lesson.'
Guys i am worried we made all the jokes.
This oatmeal is too hot. I hope that means there is a blonde girl in my bed.
*A montage where I don't get any better over time*
Hey I recognize that knife! -Bad things to say in court
I will use Twitter however I like and no lawyer on earth may stop me.
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