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The 70's called. They built a time phone.
Three steps to academic respect:
1. Go to library
2. Open all the books
3. Be like 'These are wrong.'
I scream. You scream. We're all screaming. This is awesome.
What if Aliens are just really into our butts? What if humans have the galaxies top butts? Great job everyone.
I apologize sir but we're all out of Mohicans.
What am I doing today? Well I forgot my headphones so probably murders.
'I'm feeling a little horse'.
It's called a pony and I would be more comfortable if you left my farm now sir.
I want a burger or an emotionally satisfying life.
If the plot of Fresh Prince had been reversed and Carlton had to go live in Philly it probably would have been on HBO.
#TupacHologramOffStage Tupac's Children run to him excitedly, he goes to hug them as they pass through him into Dr. Dre's waiting embrace.
Hot tubs are great for when you want to feel like you are the main ingredient in a soup no one wants.
A Pregnant lady in a sleeping bag is pretty much a turducken to a bear.
I've got a raging hadron. For science.
BREAKING: Republican nomination clinched by dog wearing sunglasses who wandered into a debate. Crowd could not stop chanting USA. #PrezDog
Guys i am worried we made all the jokes.
The boy who cried wolf should be renamed 'The town who let a little boy be eaten by a wolf to teach him a lesson.'
This oatmeal is too hot. I hope that means there is a blonde girl in my bed.
*A montage where I don't get any better over time*
Hey I recognize that knife! -Bad things to say in court
I've never been to a group protest but we're all pretty mean to this one girl at work so its pretty much the same thing.