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Christians, Mom and everyone else who needs to know it... scaring people with religion is not the answer, it's not the way.
Tootsie Rolls are fuckin' whack. They ain't real chocolate. It's just the constellation prize of candy in general. Like thanks but no thanks
@juddapatow My conservative mother actually loved Bridesmaids. She laughed at the blowjob part. Thanks for showing me another side of her~
This Jack in the Box commercial said make a late night food-y call... That is funny hahaha y'all know I'm a sucker for corny but clever puns
The chick who threw flour on Kim K... you are my homie lover friend. Marry me. I promise it will last longer than 72 days.
Simply knowing I have the power is more satisfying for me than abusing it.
I dunno, it takes a special white guy to get me feeling something. Most of them I just use for directions to the nearest H&M
@steelfontana Or a thought you eventually have when you live in West Virginia
@callmeosasu Haha I didn't even know til a week ago so mchewww my ass
Following @everytweet_ever again. I had to unfollow 'cause he was spoiling the Grammys for me
@callmeosasu African-Americans too. Can't wait to ignore my mom and her friends at church. And the preacher will have his input too I'm sure
The dishes aren't the only things that'll get wet RT @omgfacts Men who help with housework have more sex
The downside to following people for funny tweets is when they tweet about death for cheap laughs @steelfontana @kingofalltweets
@nickadoola Well you could go to New York but I wouldn't recommend it. I've been told a lot of people get pepperoni down there. PEPPERONI.
Why do people tell me not to go to the gym looking for a man? If I had a man I'd cancel my fucking membership and eat Cheeto puffs all day!
@noogscorner White people, we want to stop robbing you but when we don't you spend the money on leashes for your kids and dog sweaters
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, lick my vaj.
Oh hey I reached 10,000 tweets. Proving my life to be as unproductive as it seems.
A gift like mine can't really be explained but it can be felt and enjoyed, so why don't we just do that
Stats can't be shown as @Kiss_My_Afro has never signed in to Favstar.
