@Klodt's (Jason Klodt) most faved Tweets...
Sitting here on his nightstand as he gently slumbers, I suspect that Tom Arnold doesn't even want to hear the poem that I wrote about him.
After my call for revolution, the Men's Warehouse manager escorted me to the door and promised I'd hear from his lawyer.
He guaranteed it.
He guaranteed it.
Sure, I'll write you a letter of recommendation. But I will have to mention the time in my class you declared that I'd die afraid & alone.
That's okay.
You all go ahead and celebrate Halloween, oblivious to the fact that a costumed sexy nurse once broke my heart.
You all go ahead and celebrate Halloween, oblivious to the fact that a costumed sexy nurse once broke my heart.
My cardboard Burger King crown not only draws everyone's attention but also gets me the respect I deserve in this nursing home.
16
I remain in the duck-and-cover position long after the tornado drill, mostly because I live in fear of Gary Busey's ego.
16
The way Stephen Hawking stares at me not only makes me writhe in discomfort, but the sexual tension is nearly unbearable.
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If we could run a Tweet Cloud of my real life, I fear the top result would be, "Are you still serving breakfast?"
16
The kids selling raffle tickets at the supermarket are getting good practice for a life filled with rejection. I speak from experience.
15
While thick walls and insulation minimize the noise from my neighbor's apartment, the words his dog commands me to tweet are deafening.
14
I know exactly what Stephen Tyler is going through. I oftentimes second-guess my own decision to resign from the Wu Tang Clan.
14
While it's embarrassing to be kicked off eHarmony for "inappropriate" self-photos, I just don't understand their hostility toward livestock.
14
Finally caught up on email. Now back to my primary task of quashing all laughter and delight from the lives of my students.
13
Whew. What a hard Saturday morning of drinking coffee and dicking around on the internet.
Time for a break.
Time for a break.
13
At this evening's meeting of the Society of Bitterly Defeated Shells of Former Human Beings, I'll be the one taking minutes.
13
I'd imagine that the joys of parenthood pale in comparison to the unbridled euphoria of seeing the FedEx truck stop in front of your house.
12
At this point in my life, I want to be open to new ideas and new experiences.
So, I'm going to give herpes a try.
So, I'm going to give herpes a try.
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What's more tedious than livetweeting my headcold?
Recording Kleenex usage on a spreadsheet.
Haha. Glad I'm not OCD guy. Right?
(Hold me)
Recording Kleenex usage on a spreadsheet.
Haha. Glad I'm not OCD guy. Right?
(Hold me)
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