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My favorite animal is a tie between things that can eat chihuahuas and things that can crush chihuahuas.
I bet giraffes win every fight with "say that to my face!" and then just standing up super tall.
Hard to believe there isn't a movie called RobotCop
What happens in Vegas stays in your autistic child's photographic memory.
If I had to hunt someone for sport I would have a hard time choosing which sport to hunt them for. Probably tennis.
Ok, fuck rock, marry scissors, kill paper
I don't have the heart to tell The Rock that those "smells" he's talking about are probaby caused by a brain tumor :(
My grasp of the English language can be summed up in one word: disunderstandably
Danger is my maiden name.
I love making soup for the homeless. HAHA sorry OUT OF the homeless. Homeless people would only spend the soup on beer.
We're sending people into space and I don't even know where Old Jersey is.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson gets a sex change and marries Sara Paper in my new show "Rock Scissors Paper"
Whenever I tell people what I weigh they're alway shocked cause they didn't ask and they don't know who I am.
Came up with a new product called 'I Can't Believe it's Not Scissors!". It's a stapler.
Together, we can make history a thing of the past.
"Takes Juan to know Juan" Juan whispered to himself as he entered the third straight hour of staring at himself in a full length mirror.
I would give my 2nd right arm to not be a freak anymore
I'm addicted to watching Intervention on heroin.
Everyone always mistakes my consensual sex van for a rape van